New York Directions
by Beebow
Summary: Finn and Rachel dated back in high school, but broke up after Finn felt something wasn't right. After Rachel moved to New York, Finn realized that he is actually in love with Rachel. It's now six years since they graduated and the two have remained close, but now Finn has moved out to New York to work as a teacher. How will these two deal with their feelings for one another now?
1. Chapter 1

Rachel

"Rachel! Come on let's go!"

"Coming!" I call to Kurt as I smooth out my bangs once again, making sure that my forehead is fully covered. I bite my lower lip as I stare at my reflection in the mirror, letting my eyes linger on my nose for a couple of seconds too long.

Suddenly Kurt's head pops around the corner. "If your highness is ready then I would love to get a move on."

I meet Kurt's eyes in the mirror and give him a weak smile before looking at myself once again.

"I know that look," Kurt takes a seat next to me and continues to stare at me through the mirror. "What's wrong, Rachel Berry?"

"Nothing," I state as I look down at my skirt, smoothing out a few wrinkles along the fabric.

Kurt bumps his shoulder into mine. "Oh, come on. I know you too well to know that you're not one of those girls who keeps her feelings to herself. So out with it."

I look up at Kurt slightly, knowing fully well that he's right. I shrug, "Do you think that Quinn Fabray is prettier than me?"

"Rachel…" Kurt groans.

I touch Kurt's arm. "I'm serious! Here I am trying to make myself look perfect because I'm going to see Finn tonight, but in reality he's probably not even going to notice me whatsoever with her around."

Kurt puts his hand over mine and gives me a serious look. "Rachel, we've been over this. Quinn Fabray may be blonde and have a perfect nose, but that's all she is. She peeked in high school and even during that time Finn didn't even notice her. He was dating you."

"Yeah, but then he broke up with me," I say sourly.

"Watch it."

"But he's dating her now, Kurt. They run into each other on the streets of New York, go out for coffee, and now they're dating? It's just…"

"Normal," Kurt offers.

I glare at him before letting out a defeated sigh. "You're right," I shake my head in an attempt to clear away my ridiculous thoughts. "Finn and I have been over for years and the best thing for me to do is just be happy for him and Quinn…I mean this could be the girl that he marries. You know…his soul mate." I smile weakly at Kurt again, trying to act like I'm okay.

"I don't think so, Berry. But none of that matters. We're just going to have some drinks with them tonight and sing some karaoke. So get your beautiful diva butt up and let's plan what song we're going to sing while we walk to Champs."

I smile at Kurt as I stand from my stool, leaving my mocking mirror behind me.

Finn

"Finn?"

I tear my eyes away from the door and look over at Quinn, noticing how she looks slightly annoyed with me.

"Yeah?"

"Did you hear anything that I just said?" She asks, fully aware that I didn't. She loves to play little mind games with me like that. It's as if she tries to get in fights with me.

"No, sorry. I was just distracted," I say with a small laugh, trying to ease the situation.

Quinn purses her lips before gently clearing her throat. "My parents are coming in next Friday and they want to meet you. I told them we could all have dinner at Malloy's."

_We've been dating a month and you already want me to meet your parents? _

The only girl's parents I have ever met were Rachel's and that wasn't even until we were broken up and had started hanging out again as friends.

_Rachel._

I look towards the door once again, anticipating the moment when she'll walk in.

"Finn!" Quinn snaps my attention back to her again and I feel a rush of panic run through me, realizing I have left her hanging once again.

"Sorry. Yeah…that sounds great. Saturday at Malloy's."

"Friday," she corrects me, disapproval obviously coating her voice.

"Right," I nod as I take a quick swig of my beer.

"What is with you tonight? You seem so distant…" She trails off as she studies me up and down.

Before I have time to answer I hear the door to the bar open, causing my head to snap over again. I feel my heart begin to race as I spot Rachel and Kurt walking, a large smile spread across Rachel's face as she begins to slip her coat from her shoulders. The same smile that had managed to light up a room from the day I first met her.

"Oh, yay. They're here," Quinn says flatly as she takes a drink of her own alcohol.

I look over at her and press my lips into a line. "Will you be nice?"

I know that Quinn doesn't like Rachel despite what she says or how sweet she tries to act towards her in front of me. She never even gave Rachel much a chance, which has always annoyed me.

"I'm always nice."

I'm about to reply to her when I feel someone's hand on my shoulder and look up to find Kurt smiling down at me.

"Nice haircut, Finn. It looks more grown up," Kurt states.

"I think so too," Quinn smiles and runs a gentle hand through the back of my hair. Her sudden sweetness takes me off guard and I can't help but think that it has something to do with the fact that Rachel is now here.

"Thanks, buddy," I say as I choose not to acknowledge Quinn's hand.

I turn my eyes from Kurt to Rachel and instantly feel my smile grow wider.

"Hey, Rach."

She smiles brightly at me and nods as she sits down in the stool next to me.

"Hey, Finn. What are you drinking?"

"Just a Blue Moon," I answer her, trying to keep my eyes from wandering down to her tanned legs.

"I'll take one of those," Rachel says to the bartender as she gets comfortable.

"I'll take a grey goose martini," Kurt says as he pulls out his phone, no doubt texting Blaine to give him an update on his whereabouts.

"Rachel Berry, you're drinking? I'm surprised," I tease her as I take a sip of my own beer.

Rachel shrugs, but her wide smile doesn't falter. "I drink, Finn! Plus, I have to start preparing for an upcoming audition tomorrow, so I figured I should have a drink while I still can."

"For the last time, drinking does not burn off your vocal chords," Kurt comments behind Rachel as he takes a long sip of his own drink.

"You have an audition? Would this be a Broadway audition?" I ask, feeling hopeful that Rachel has finally decided to take her leap for the big stage.

However, she looks down for a moment and shakes her head. "No, it's at the Pasadena Playhouse for Sweeney Todd. I don't think I'm ready for Broadway still, but I think that this show will get me where I need to be."

"You've already been where you need to be for years now. Rachel, Broadway is dying to have you on their stage and pretty soon you're going to have to just give in." I try to keep my tone encouraging, but Rachel still only shrugs. I know that she is having a hard time gaining the courage to try out for Broadway, something we all would have never expected from her during high school.

"You don't want all of those years in Glee club to go to waste," I hear Quinn say, causing me to turn my head in her direction. Her expression is sweet, but I can tell that she meant it as more of an insult.

Rachel laughs and she wipes away some of the condensation on her beer. "Well, Mr. Schue did always say I was going to be a star."

"You already are one," I remind her.

She gives me a thankful smile before taking a small sip from her own beer.

"Okay, enough about business. Let's get some shots running through Ms. Berry's system before she drinks anymore of that disgusting beer," Kurt offers as he lifts his drink in the air, quickly knocking it back.

After many shots and beers later, I can feel a nice buzz running through my system as we all still sit at the bar. Rachel is throwing her head back in laughter and leaning gently into Kurt as he continues to tell us some story about Blaine. Rachel has always been a lightweight, but it is something that I find completely adorable. Quinn's hand is resting on my knee, slowly creeping up every so often. I can definitely tell what she has on her mind.

Suddenly, Rachel stops laughing and sits up straight. "Karaoke! Let's do karaoke!" She cheers as she looks excitedly at all of us.

Kurt quickly drinks the remaining alcohol in his glass before nodding and standing up.

"Alright, hun. Let's do this!" He says as he holds out his hand for her to take.

Rachel instantly takes it and stands up, stumbling up to the stage with him.

I can't help but laugh at how clumsy she looks as she makes her way up the stage and walks up to her microphone, smiling and waving at me as she waits for Kurt to pick the song.

I give her a small wave back, seeing Quinn stand up from her stool from the corner of my eye. She says something about going to the bathroom and I nod to her before bringing my attention back up to the stage.

Kurt steps in front of his microphone and runs a hand through his hair as him and Rachel wait for the music to start. As soon as it starts I instantly recognize the song.

_Kurt (Rachel):__  
__Forget your troubles. (Happy days)__  
__Come on get happy. (Are here again)__  
__You better chase all your cares away. (The skies above are clear again)__  
__Shout hallelujah. (So let's sing a song)__  
__Come on get happy. (Of cheer again)__  
__Get ready for the judgment day. (Happy days are here again)__  
__The sun is shining. Come on get happy. (Shout it now)__  
__The lord is waiting to take your hand. (There is no one who can doubt it now)__  
__Shout hallelujah. (So lets tell the world)__  
__And just get happy. (About it now)__  
__We are going to the promise land. (Happy days are here again)__  
__We're heading across the river, soon your cares will all be gone. (There'll be no more from now on)___

_Rachel and Kurt:__  
__From now on!___

_Kurt (Rachel):__  
__Forget your troubles. (Oh, happy days)__  
__And just get happy. (Are here again)__  
__You better chase all your blues away. (The skies above are clear again)__  
__Shout Hallelujah. (So lets sing a song)__  
__And just get happy. (Of cheer again)___

_Rachel:__  
__Happy times! (Kurt: Happy times!)__  
__Happy nights! (Kurt: Happy nights!)___

_Rachel and Kurt:__  
__Happy days! Are. Here. Again!_

When the song ends I can't help but sit there for a moment, feeling completely dumbfounded. Rachel and Kurt are the only two I know who can be disgustingly drunk, but still sing like angels.

My ears are numb as everyone else in the bar erupts in cheering and applause. I swallow hard, trying to come back to my senses, but all I can think about is Rachel's voice. The same voice that had made me fall for her all those years ago. I knew that I had never heard such a beautiful voice in my entire life, and I never would hear anything more beautiful in my entire life.

I finally shake myself from my lost state and clap along with everyone else. Watching Rachel as she manages to bow and then clap for Kurt. She has always been so classy and admirable that way.

Rachel's eyes suddenly meet mine and she jumps up and down as she cheers a little, obviously proud of herself.

Rachel and Kurt run down from the stage and I smile at them as they make their way back to our seats.

"You guys did-" before I can finish my sentence I suddenly feel Rachel's hands on both sides of my face and her lips pressed firmly against mine. I swear my heart begins to beat faster than I have ever felt, but soon the loud beating drifts from my ears and I am lost in our kiss.

The kiss only lasts for a few seconds before Rachel pulls away and her hands fall from my face. I open my eyes slowly and look up at her.

"Oh my God," she whispers, obviously coming to her senses.

"Oh my God!" Kurt says, standing wide eyed next to Rachel. He grabs my beer from the bar and begins to chug it.

I stare at Rachel, studying the way her eyes are searching mine. She looks completely horrified, like a deer in the headlights. I'm thanking God that Quinn wasn't here to see the kiss, but there's still no ignoring the fact that the kiss just happened and there's no taking it back.

I still say nothing and look up at Rachel when Quinn is finally at my side again.

"Oh, shoot. I missed your performance. Well, how about I make it up to you with another beer?"

Rachel's eyes suddenly snap away from mine and she meets Quinn's gaze.

"No! I mean…Kurt and I should really be going. He has a late night Skype call with Blaine planned." Rachel quickly grabs her coat from her bar stool and throws it on. Kurt obviously has caught on to her desire to leave and throws some money on the bar counter before giving us a fast wave.

"I'll see you on Wednesday for dinner with our parents, Finn. Have a good night, you two." Kurt takes Rachel's hand and she waves behind her as they rush out of the bar.

Once they're gone I blink a few times as I try to register what just happened. It all happened so fast that I have no idea what to think.

"Well they sure sobered up fast. Did I miss something while I was in the bathroom?"

I look over at Quinn, whose eyes are currently shining in a way that means that she wants me.

"No…not at all." I clear my throat. "Shall we get out of here?


	2. Chapter 2

**Rachel**

I wake up the next morning with an awful pounding in my head. I furrow my brow as I slowly sit up and glance around my room, annoyed by how bright the sun is.

Somehow I manage to stand up and make my way to the kitchen, finding Kurt already there. He looks like he's about in the same state I am.

"Morning, princess," he says with a dry tone.

"Morning," I groan back as I sit down in one of our bar stools.

"I'm never drinking again," I vow as I close my eyes and begin to rub my temples.

"Luckily your on audition mode now. You won't be drinking for awhile anyway," I hear Kurt say as he begins to move around the kitchen.

"Here," I open my eyes to see Kurt sliding over a glass of water to me.

"Thanks," I say as I slide my fingers over the smooth glass.

"Last night was a lot of fun though. I mean, despite what happened at the end," Kurt says as he takes a swig of his own water.

I lift a brow at him, completely confused by what he means.

The end? What happened at the end? We drank, did some karaoke, and then I…

My jaw drops in horror. "I kissed Finn last night."

Kurt nods. "Yup. It wasn't even a peck. It was a full ten seconds."

My eyes grow wide as I fully remember the kiss. His face had been warm against my hands and his lips were soft against mine. What I remember the most though is that he didn't pull away from me. In fact, it actually had seemed like he was kissing me back.

"Oh my God, Kurt," I say breathlessly as I jump up from my chair. I don't even care about how bad my body is currently aching. All I can think about is how I kissed Finn last night and basically laid it all out on the line

"He must be horrified! Disgusted! Completely creeped out! How could I have been so stupid?" I put my hands over my face and shake my head, feeling completely embarrassed by my actions.

I remove my hands from my face as realization hits.

"What if Quinn saw? What if he told her? Oh God. I just ruined everything."

Kurt moves to my side and shakes his head at me. "Rachel, stop. You didn't ruin anything. I'm sure Finn didn't tell her and he definitely wasn't disgusted or creeped out. From my point of view it looked like he actually enjoyed it."

I look up at Kurt, obvious hope flooding over me. "Really?"

Kurt gives me a small smile and nods. "I must say that I'm surprised though. I didn't know that you had it in you."

I shake my head and look down. "What in me? I'm a coward. I had to be drunk in order to tell Finn my feelings and even then I didn't even verbalize how I felt. I just kissed him!"

Embarrassment falls over me again as I move to the couch, sitting down in defeat.

"Honey, I'm just saying that he seemed surprised, but he wasn't making any sort of move to break off the kiss. I don't want to give you false hope, but that says something to me."

I begin to space out as I think about Kurt's words. I know that he has a point, but I don't want to convince myself that Finn has feelings for me when in reality he doesn't. He could have just been being nice and not broken our kiss to save me the embarrassment.

"Anyway," Kurt says, "He has been calling you all morning." My head snaps over to Kurt as I watch him throw my phone to me and it lands perfectly on the cushion to my right. I quickly pick it up and click the screen, seeing that I have five misses calls from Finn and two text messages.

I can't help but let a small smile creep on my lips. I'm glad to see I haven't completely scared him off. There is still the chance that he's calling me to tell me to never talk to him again though.

"You better give him a call back. Your Romeo is waiting," Kurt says over his shoulder as he walks off to his room.

I smile and shake my head at him before returning my attention to my phone. I see that I have one voicemail from Finn, which causes my heart to skip a beat.

I sigh as I click on the voicemail, pressing my phone up to my ear as Finn's voice comes through.

Finn

"Hey, Rach. It's me. I'm sorry that I keep calling you, but I would like to talk to you. I mean, I think we have a few things to talk about. If you want to at least. Just give me a call back and maybe we can have lunch at Bow Bridge or something. You know…our spot. Okay, bye."

I hang up the phone and throw it on my coffee table in front of me.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about my kiss with Rachel last night. It had been probably seven years since the last time we kissed considering we had broken up in our senior of high school.

_Because you're the idiot who broke up with her._

Folding my arms over my chest, I furrow my brow and lean back in my chair. I know that I need to stop holding onto my feelings for Rachel. It's something that I've been telling myself for years. Her future plans consisted of Broadway and Tony awards making me believe that I was nowhere involved in those plans as anything other than a best friend. But when she kissed me last night all of the things I had been trying to convince myself of just completely fell through. So where did that leave us now? Did she even remember the kiss or was she too drunk? No, she had to remember the kiss. She looked so mortified right after it happened.

So did she regret it then? The thought left a sour taste in my mouth. I knew that I didn't regret it, but Rachel's judgment was altered. The kiss could have really meant nothing to her. Rachel and I had always been pretty touchy…just not that touchy.

I lean forward and put my face in my hands, more confused than ever about my feelings for Rachel. Every single part of me told me that I wanted her and that I needed her to be mine. I didn't want Quinn or any other girl. I only started dating Quinn in order to get over my feelings for Rachel, but it has done the reverse effect instead.

"You feeling okay?" I hear Quinn's voice through my distraught thoughts and look up to see her giving me a quizzical look.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little tired after last night."

Suddenly Quinn is at my side, draping her arm over my shoulder and pressing kisses onto my cheek. I feel my shoulders tense slightly as her lips continue to touch my skin.

"You should be. I was surprised how long you lasted last night."

I resist the urge to shrug her off as her words hit me. I feel slightly guilty for sleeping with Quinn after Rachel kissed me last night, but it was just another failed attempt to beat my feelings for Rachel. What I'm doing definitely isn't fair to Quinn, but I don't know what more I can do. I can't break off my relationship with Quinn, but I can't just confess my feelings for Rachel. That would only end badly. Or at least I imagine it would.

"So what's on the agenda for today?" Quinn asks as she kissed my ear.

I clear my throat. "I actually have some errands that I need to run. I forgot that I had actual plans today." I laugh nervously, trying not to show that I'm lying. The only thing I really have planned today is trying to talk to Rachel somehow.

Quinn purses her lips and I wait for her to voice her disapproval, but instead she just nods and stands up from the couch.

"I should probably go into my office today anyway. My boss gave me a few articles to edit on Friday and I want to make sure I get a head start on them before Monday morning."

I feel a rush of relief as Quinn makes her way to my room to retrieve her stuff. Kicking her out would have been a messy process.

**Rachel**

"Are you still just looking at your phone? Just call the damn boy already!" Kurt says as he walks out of his bedroom looking sharp.

"Where are you going?" I ask, giving him a once over.

"You and I are getting out of this apartment. Go shower, call Finn, and then we'll make a coffee run before you two meet up to talk about your business."

I sigh and lean back on the couch, clutching my phone in my hand. "I'm not going to call him, Kurt. What are we going to talk about? I don't know if I'm ready to talk about my feelings."

Kurt rolls his eyes before grabbing my hand and pulling me up from the couch. "Either way we're going out. So go get ready and make sure you look hot. You never know who you'll run into on the streets of New York."

I shake my head at him as I make my way to my bedroom, knowing that the only person I care to impress is Finn Hudson.

Once I'm done getting ready, Kurt and I walk to our favorite coffee shop down the street from our place. We order our coffees and then sit in silence for a couple of minutes, sipping the burning liquid cautiously.

Kurt sighs. "Okay, how long are you going to be this mopey? Either talk to him or forget about him."

I let out a small laugh and look down at my cup. "Easier said than done, Kurt. Talking to him right now is a little complicated and I definitely can't forget him because…" I trail off.

"You love him," Kurt states nonchalantly before taking a drink of his coffee.

I look up at him and shrug. "I don't know if it's love…I just know that I have very strong feelings for Finn that surpass the line of friendship."

"Admit it, Rachel Berry. You are head over heels in love with him and I wouldn't be surprised if he felt the same way about you."

I shut my eyes tightly in order to stop the headache that is now forming. "Stop."

"Stop what?"

I open my eyes. "Saying that Finn has feelings for me."

Kurt raises a brow at me. "I'm confused. Isn't that what you want?"

I nod. "Yes, but I know that it's not true. He has Quinn."

"But he didn't pull away from you last night," Kurt reasons.

"It doesn't matter," I say, feeling something in my chest clench. "He doesn't want me, Kurt. He's had years. If he wanted me then he could have had me at any time since the day he broke up with me. Why would he possibly wait until he has a serious girlfriend before pursuing his feelings for me?"

Kurt looks at me for a moment and then shakes his head. "Rachel…Finn hasn't had a real girlfriend since you. We've both heard of his small hookups or flings, which you've had too, but neither of you ever had anything serious. As his step brother, I happen to know a thing or two about Finn, and I think that there's definitely something between both of you that's not just coming from your end."

I stare at Kurt, furrowing my brow as his words set in.

"You don't see the way he looks at you, Rachel. Even when Quinn is with him he's looking at you and wearing that same goofy smile he has when he's really excited about something. I don't see that when he looks at her."

I swallow hard, looking down at my coffee. Kurt's words are running circles in my head and I can't get any of my thoughts straight. Thinking that Finn might actually want me is crazy, but there is a small flame of hope that I'm not ready to blow out.

"I just care about him a lot," I say. "I don't want to lose him…but I don't know what to say to him right now. I can't talk to him."

"Then I'll talk to him."

I look up at Kurt, my eyes growing a little wide.

"Kurt…you don't have to do that."

"I know I don't, but I want to."

A smile slowly makes its way onto my face and I take Kurt's hand from across the table.

"Thank you, Kurt. You're amazing."

**Finn**

I'm cleaning up some glasses on my coffee table when I hear my phone begin to ring from the kitchen. I bolt across my apartment, almost dropping the glasses as I dodge the couch and side tables. All I can think about is hearing Rachel's voice.

I finally reach my phone and pick it up without checking the caller id.

"Rachel?" I say breathlessly.

"Man, you've got it bad," I hear Kurt mock, making my heart drop a little. _Damnit._

"What's up, Kurt?" I ask a little impatiently. Rachel may be calling me right now, but I'll be busy with Kurt.

"I'm outside your apartment building. Buzz me in."

I furrow my brow in confusion and make my way toward the button to open the door.

"Wha…why are you here?"

"Nice to see you too, Finn."

I hit the button and I can hear Kurt pulling open the door over the phone.

"I didn't mean it like that…I just…"

I hear a knock at the door and quickly pull it open, reveling a serious looking Kurt.

"We need to talk about Rachel," he says with the phone still pushed up against his ear.

"What do we need to talk-" I cut myself off, hanging up my cellphone and slipping it into my pocket. Kurt does the same.

"What do we need to talk about?"

Kurt makes his way into my apartment and begins to look around. "The kiss. The fact that you've been calling her all morning. Oh, and then there's the topic of how you're in love with her."

My jaw drops a little and I scowl at Kurt as I shut my front door.

"I am not in love with Rachel!" I say defensively.

Kurt looks back at me and rolls his eyes. "Finn, you may think that you've convinced everyone else that you have absolutely no feelings for our little star, but I know fully well that you care about her more deeply than you claim."

I run a hand through my hair. I feel annoyed that Kurt has caught on to the way I feel about Rachel, but I can't just confess to him that I am in love with her. Kurt and Rachel are best friends and there's no doubt in my mind that it would get back to her somehow.

"I'm not in love with Rachel," I state again. "I only care about her a lot because I've known her for so long. She knows me better than anyone and she's my best friend. She's like…my sister." I make a disgusted face after saying the last sentence, knowing that it's a complete lie.

"A sister who you want to have sex with," Kurt says flatly.

"Kurt…" I groan.

"Finn, give up the best friend act. I saw the way you kissed her back the other night. You were glowing and everything."

"I was drunk," I remind him as if that's some sort of excuse.

"I know that you can handle your liquor, Finn."

I sigh and shake my head, trying to get my thoughts straightened out. I don't want to tell Kurt about my feelings for Rachel, but at the same time I feel the need to tell someone. I wanted to talk to Rachel, but maybe now's not the right time. Maybe I need to give her some air first.

"Now, tell me the truth. How do you feel about Rachel?"

I press my lips into a firm line as I stare at Kurt for a moment.

He's your brother. There has to be some sort of brother code where you can't go running around telling the other's feelings to everyone, right?

I relax my shoulders as I begin to picture Rachel in my mind, hearing her bubbly laugh. A smile overtakes my lips slowly.

"She's the most amazing person in the entire world."

"And…" Kurt presses.

"I wouldn't trade her for anything. She's just one of a kind."

"And…" Kurt says again as he takes a step closer to me.

I let out a small laugh and shrug. "Jesus, Kurt. I don't know! What do you want to hear? Do I want her? Yes. Of course I want her. Something inside of me is always going to feel like she's my girl. Not Quinn, not some chick I pick up at a bar. Rachel is my someone and she always will be."

Kurt smiles at me and nods. "Good. So, what are you going to do about it?"

I lift a brow at him. "What am I going to do?"

"She's your girl, Finn. You said it yourself. You know it, I know it. Hell, she probably even knows it. I think she knows that she will always belong to you. So, with that said, what are you going to do to get her?"

I look down at the ground, feeling the tension build in my shoulders again.

"I don't know, Kurt. I don't know what I can do at this point without hurting someone."

"Someone meaning Quinn," Kurt states.

"Yeah…Quinn. I know that she's mean and definitely no Rachel, but I do still care about her. I don't want to just drop her."

Kurt rolls his eyes and adjusts the buttons on his coat a little. "Alright, Finn. When you realize what you want and whom you want, let me know. Or don't. Just do the right thing for you, okay?"

Kurt gives me a serious look as I give him a hesitant nod.

"I'll see you Wednesday," Kurt says as he makes his way out of my apartment.

When he's finally gone I shut my eyes tightly and grip my hands in my hair, completely aggravated with myself.

_You want Rachel! What the hell are you doing?_


	3. Chapter 3

**Finn**

A week had gone by and I still haven't heard from Rachel. I have stopped calling and texting her throughout the day because I didn't want to seem desperate, but the lack of communication is killing me. Normally Rachel and I talk at least once a day about anything we deem necessary, but it seems that she is refusing to talk to me.

I take a swig of my beer as I sit on my couch, trying not to think about Rachel, but failing miserably. I know that things might be a little awkward between us because of the kiss, but she could at least talk to me. She was the one who kissed me in the first place anyway.

Suddenly, my phone rings from my side table and I scramble to answer it, just like I've done every time it rang this week. However, this time I check the caller id.

"Hey, Kurt."

"Rachel went for a walk to Central Park," he says quickly.

I lift a brow and feel slightly confused. "So…?"

Kurt sighs. "She's at Central Park, you idiot! Now's your chance to go talk to her!"

I consider Kurt's words for a minute, realizing that he's right. I could go to Central Park and confront Rachel, but something just doesn't seem right about tracking her down.

"I don't know. That sounds a little…stalkerish."

"Finn Hudson, just get your butt down there or I will kick it next time I see you!"

Kurt's right. I should go down to the park because if I don't take this opportunity then who knows when I'll get the chance to actually talk to Rachel.

"I have to go."

"Good boy," I can hear the smile in Kurt's voice as he hangs up the phone.

Things are about to get interesting.

**Rachel**

I stuff my hands into the pockets of my coat and smile up at the trees as I walk. The sun is providing me with a little bit of heat, but still the fall air chills my bare legs.

After being boarded up at home almost all week due to rehearsing for my upcoming audition I could use the fresh air. Plus the open space makes me feel more at peace when thinking about Finn. I still haven't spoken to him since the night we went to the bar, and although I feel guilty about not returning his calls or texts, there's just a part of me that can't bring myself to do so. I'm too scared of what he might say if I were to call him or meet him in person. This is crazy considering I have never been afraid to talk to Finn throughout all the years that we've known each other.

_When did you become such a coward, Rachel Berry? First you can't bring yourself to audition for Broadway, which is the whole reason you moved to New York, and now you can't face your best friend? _

I shake my head and look straight ahead, seeing Bow Bridge in the distance. I quicken my pace as I make my way towards it, having mixed feelings run through me suddenly.

When I reach the bridge I slide my hand across the cold stone, admiring the water below. I stop towards the middle of the bridge and lean against the side as I look out, thinking of only Finn. A smile creeps on my face as I remember all the times that we visited Bow Bridge together. I brought Finn here the first day he moved to New York and we wanted to take a break from unpacking his stuff. I brought him here for his birthday after he told me he didn't want to do anything big. He brought me here when I was bawling my eyes out after I chickened out of my last Broadway audition. Then we went here a few weeks ago. We hadn't even planned to come here. We just decided to go for a walk through the city and somehow ended up here on our own. That was the day before Finn ran into Quinn Fabray on the streets of New York and decided to ask her out for coffee.

My face falls a little as I get an image of Quinn and Finn holding hands or even just smiling at one another. Of all the girls that Finn could be seeing, why did it have to be her? It's no secret that Quinn Fabray absolutely despises me, but I never understood why. We managed to stay out of each other's way most of the time during high school, but I could always feel her giving me dirty looks every time we were in the same room. Maybe it was because she was the head cheerleader while I was in the Glee club and performing arts program. Whatever it was, it definitely hadn't changed now.

I can't really see what Finn sees in her. Well, maybe I could. Despite a disgusting personality she was stunning. Any guy would choose a flawless blonde with the perfect body over a short brunette with a big nose. It was common sense. So why would Finn be any different?

I let out a small sigh as I pull my phone out of my coat pocket. I scroll through all of the unanswered text messages from Finn and all the listed missed calls. I bite my lip as I stare at his name on my phone.

_Call him, Rachel._

"Rachel?"

My heart races as my head instantly snaps over to find Finn making his way towards me. Suddenly I feel like I can't breathe and my legs have become noodles.

_What is he doing here? _

_Kurt._

I try to calm my racing heart as I nod to him.

"Hi, Finn," my voice sounds small. I know that my behavior is ridiculous, but I can't seem to help myself. The last time I saw Finn I was rushing out of a bar because I just threw myself at him.

Finn finally stops when he is next to me and allows a weak smile to work its way onto his lips.

"It's nice to see you," he says.

_Is it?_

"It's nice to see you too," I say stiffly, knowing that he won't believe me.

"Is it? Because, you know, you haven't been returning any of my calls or text messages."

I look away from Finn and back out at the water. I'm not ready to have this conversation, but I know there is no avoiding it now.

"I…I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have just ignored you, but I just needed some time to…" _To what? To think?_

"It's just not like you to be distant. Especially from me. You normally tell me everything," Finn shrugs. I look over to him again, noticing that he looks a little hurt.

_Time to face the storm, Rachel._

"What was I supposed to do, Finn? I kissed you while I was drunk and completely embarrassed myself," I say, feeling my heart race as I mention the kiss.

"Embarrassed yourself? How did you embarrass yourself?" Finn asks, furrowing his brow.

I let out a small laugh. "By throwing myself at you! I was drunk, stupid, and apparently something in me decided it was a good idea to just go for it."

"Rachel, stop. You're not stupid. It was just a kiss," Finn reasons.

_It may have been just a kiss for you, but it was so much more for me._

"You have a girlfriend, Finn," I say as I close my eyes and shake my head. When I open them I find Finn looking down at me as he presses his lips together.

"I shouldn't be going around kissing other girl's boyfriends."

"But it was basically an accident," Finn laughs.

"But what if it wasn't?" The words are out of my mouth before I realize what I'm saying, and my voice grows small.

I look away from Finn, suddenly too scared to see his reaction. A part of me wants to know what he's thinking, but another part of me wants to just run away. He's right, it was just a kiss and most of the time kisses are harmless. But this was a kiss that had been held up inside of me for seven years now. There were so many moments that I wanted to kiss Finn and I probably could have, but I never did. Go figure that I would finally do it with excessive alcohol running through my system.

The silence continues to stretch between us before Finn suddenly clears his throat.

"Then why did you kiss me?"

I sigh and shrug. "I don't know. Maybe I just needed to get it out of my system."

"What do you mean?"

"I…I don't know," I say, realizing that I actually don't.

"Rachel, look at me."

I bite my lip as I slowly look over at him, meeting his eyes. His expression is smooth as he begins searching my eyes.

"Why didn't you pull away?" I ask quietly, referring to our kiss.

It looks like Finn swallows hard as he takes in my question.

"Because I didn't want to."

I feel my mouth go dry as the meaning of his words hit me. It feels like all the air in my lungs has suddenly disappeared.

"Wha…what?" I study his expression, trying to figure out what he's thinking. Within seconds his hand is suddenly on my cheek and his lips find mine, just like they had only a week ago. It feels like my heart is going to come out of my chest it's beating so fast. I don't know what to do, but somehow I manage to close my eyes and kiss him back, taken off guard when Finn's other hand finds my waist and his lips press harder against mine.

I allow myself to relax in his arms for a moment, getting lost in our kiss. Both of us are completely sober and nothing is currently altering our judgment. What does this all mean though? What does he want from me? What about Quinn?

I pull myself away from him suddenly and take a step back, feeling breathless after our kiss.

"Finn, what are you doing?"

"_We_ were kissing, Rachel," Finn says, looking a little hurt that I pulled away.

I shake my head. "We shouldn't be."

"What? Why?"

"Because you have a girlfriend, Finn! Because we're best friends!" I say, gesturing to both of us.

"So what?" Finn says, raising his voice slightly.

"So what? So plenty! This is cheating! This is deceitful!"

"Says the girl who kissed me the other night at the bar!"

My blood begins to boil as I scowl at him. "That kiss was a mistake." I can tell instantly that my words have hurt him as I watch his eyes narrow on me.

"Yeah…I guess it was."

I nod. "Great. We kissed and got it out of our systems. Now you can go back to your life with your perfect little girlfriend," I say stubbornly as I fold my arms across my chest. I'm moments away from storming off, wanting to get away from this conversation and Finn in general. This is exactly what I was scared of.

"Rachel," Finn's voice is a little softer, "I don't want to fight. Not with you. Not about this."

My jaw clenches a little. "I don't want to fight either."

Finn nods. "Good, then let's not fight."

"Then where do we go from here, Finn? I don't even know what to do."

Finn looks down for a moment and shrugs. "We kissed and that's it. We can forget about it and move on as best friends."

I raise a brow at him. "Really?"

He meets my eyes. "I just don't want to lose you, Rach. You're my best friend and you mean more to me than anyone else in this entire world. I need you and I don't want this to ruin any of that."

I feel relieved that Finn still wants me in his life despite our kiss…now two kisses. This whole conversation has turned me in multiple circles and I'm still trying to straighten myself out. Who knows if I ever will?

"Okay," I finally say.

"Okay?"

I nod. "The kiss never happened. I can't lose you."

Finn's signature half crooked smile appears on his face, but his eyes still look a little sad. He takes a step towards me and takes me into a hug. I wrap my arms around him and press my cheek to his chest, closing my eyes as I take in his familiar smell.

I should have told him everything. I shouldn't have pulled away from our kiss. I should have told him the truth.

I'm in love with Finn Hudson, and I always have been.


	4. Chapter 4

**Rachel**

Weeks passed by and things somehow went back to normal between Finn and me, despite my strong feelings for him. We started hanging out like we used to and it was as if the whole kiss never happened, which was a little bittersweet.

Tonight, Finn is over in order to give me feedback on my audition piece. It's a ritual we have. I always show him my audition material before the real deal. Whether it's in person or over Skype, I always pass it by him first.

"Okay," Finn says as he puts down a script on my coffee table. "I think you're set for your cold read, which won't be so cold considering you know this script like the back of your hand. Now, let's hear the singing." His half crooked smile takes over his lips and I can't help but smile back at him.

I get up from my couch and stand in front of him, making sure to keep excellent posture.

"What will you be singing, Miss Berry?" Finn says, acting like the casting director as he had done many times before.

"I'm going to be singing Being Good Isn't Good Enough, originally performed by Barbra Streisand."

Finn nods at me, signaling me to begin.

I close my eyes for a moment and take a few deeps breaths.

Opening my eyes, I focus on Finn and shut everything else out.

_Being good isn't good enough__  
__Being good won't be good enough__  
__When I fly, I must fly extra high__  
__And I'll need special wings so far to go__  
__From so far below___

_Should I try?__  
__Am I strong enough?__  
__Is there time, have I long enough?__  
__Gotta fly and if I fall__  
__That's the way it's gotta be__  
__There's no other way for me__  
__Being good just won't be good enough__  
__I'll be the best or nothing at all___

_I'll try, am I strong enough?__  
__Is there time, have I long enough?__  
__Gotta fly and if I fall__  
__That's the way it's gotta be__  
__There's no other way for me__  
__Being good just won't be good enough__  
__I'll be the best or nothing at all_

I let out a small sigh and smile down at Finn. His expression is currently unreadable and he continues to just stare at me, blinking his eyes a couple of times.

"So…what do you think?"

Finn shakes his head and slightly clears his throat. "I think that if they don't give you that role then they're completely insane." Finn stands from the couch and laughs. "Rachel, that was amazing!"

He walks over to me and takes me into a big hug, the warmth of his arms feeling safe.

"I'm glad you like it," I say as we pull away.

"When is your audition?"

"Tomorrow at 3 o'clock. Then if they like me they said they will be calling people back around 9 tomorrow night. Call backs will be held the next day at 5."

Finn smiles. "Well, Rachel Berry. I do believe that you have this audition in the bag!"

I laugh as Finn holds his hand out and I give him a high give. Finn may not be a casting director or expert in vocal abilities, but his opinion matters more to me than any Broadway director or professional.

Suddenly I hear Finn's phone ring and watch him as he answers it.

"Hello?"

The voice on the other line sounds loud and panicked, causing Finn to pull the phone away from his ear a little.

"Quinn, Quinn. Calm down. What's going on?"

I can hear Quinn's loud voice again and I can now tell that she is crying.

_What could be going wrong in Quinn Fabray's perfect life?_

"Alright. I'll be over in ten minutes, okay? Just try to calm down. I'll see you soon."

Finn hangs up the phone and runs a hand through his hair, obvious stress playing on his face.

"What's going on, Finn?" I ask, nervous that it could be something major.

Finn shrugs. "I don't know she wouldn't tell me. She just told me to come over as soon as possible." He looks down at his phone in his hand for a moment. "She did sound really upset."

I nod at him, studying his expression and feeling a wave of worry flood over me.

Finn meets my eyes again and suddenly I feel his fingers under my chin. "Hey, don't worry. I'm sure it's nothing. You know how dramatic Quinn can be sometimes." He retracts his fingers from my chin and I instantly miss them.

"I should get going. I don't want to keep her waiting and only dig a deeper hole."

"Yeah, that would probably be best," I say as I look down for a moment.

I lead Finn to my front door and give him a tight hug.

"I'll call you later, okay? I promise."

I nod and pull away. "Please do. I want to know that you're okay."

He steps forward and plants a kiss on my forehead like he has done many times before. The place where his lips touched suddenly burns.

Finn smiles. "You know me. I'm always okay."

**Finn**

I feel a little nervous as I knock on Quinn's door, completely stumped as to why she could be so upset. This could have just been some master plan to test me or get me away from Rachel for the night.

The door opens suddenly and I'm faced with Quinn's tear stained face. As soon as she sees me, more tears begin flooding from her eyes and she throws herself into my arms. She sobs loudly as she buries her face in my chest.

"I'm sorry, Finn. I'm so sorry."

I furrow my brow and feel my heart race as terrible thoughts begin to rush through my head.

_Did Kurt die or something? Wouldn't Rachel be notified before Quinn? _

"I'm so sorry," she says again, blabbering through her tears. Her body is now weak and I pick her up, carrying her back into her apartment. I close the door behind us and bring her to the couch, sitting down with her in my lap as she continues to cry.

"Quinn," I say as I lift her face to look up at me. Her bottom lip begins to tremble and her eyes are coated with tears. I swipe my thumb gently across her cheek, wiping away a few tears. "Please tell me what's wrong," I say quietly.

She looks down for a second before meeting my eyes again. "I'm pregnant," she whispers.

I feel my heart and my face fall at the same time. "Wha...what?"

Quinn stares at me, the tears in her eyes building up.

"You're pregnant?" I ask, my eyes growing wide as I say the word myself.

"Yes, Finn," Quinn says with a small sob breaking her voice.

"Is…is it mine?"

Quinn furrows her brow. "Of course it's yours."

I look at the ground, suddenly feeling my heart race.

"Look, Finn. I know you're scared, but I'm scared too and-" Quinn's voice trails on, but I block her out as my thoughts scatter.

_Quinn's pregnant. I'm the father. We're having a baby. I'm not ready to take care of a baby. I can't raise a baby. We've only been dating for about two months. I've loved Rachel for seven years. I don't love Quinn and I don't know if I ever will. How am I expected to raise a baby with her? Is she expecting us to move in together? To get married? This is all happening too fast._

"Finn?" Quinn's voice breaks through my thoughts and I slowly look over at her.

She sniffles and her bottom lip trembles again. "What are we going to do?"

_What are we going to do? How should I know? I just found out about this two minutes ago._

"I don't know," I breathe.

"Are you mad at me?" She asks and I'm taken back by how small her voice sounds.

I shake my head. "Of course not, Quinn. It's not like you meant to get pregnant."

Quinn nods and lets out a small laugh. "That's for sure."

We sit in silence for a moment, both lost in thought. What are we going to do? We are only twenty four years old and were still newly dating. We both have stable jobs, but our relationship definitely isn't at it's strongest right now.

"You can leave if you want to," Quinn whispers again.

I furrow my brow at her. "What?"

"You don't have to stay with me if you don't want to," Quinn sighs. "I can move back to Lima and live with my parents while I get this all straightened out. They'll help me."

I shake my head again. I may be confused, but I wasn't going to leave Quinn alone in this. "Quinn, this is our baby. I'm not the kind of man who walks away from situations like this. Either we do this together or not at all."

A hopeful gleam fills Quinn's eyes. "So you're staying with me?"

As I search Quinn's eyes the only thing I can think about is Rachel and how much I have lost her. If I would have just told her how I felt years ago then I wouldn't be in this situation, or maybe I would, but it would be with Rachel. Something tells me that I wouldn't mind if Rachel was the girl sitting across from me, but we would be crying tears of happiness instead.

But Rachel wasn't the girl sitting across from me. She was off at her apartment running through her audition piece and drinking tea in order to prepare for another exciting experience. I was the guy who was getting himself tied down due to yet another mistake in my life.

"Yes, Quinn. I'm staying with you. I promise."

A small smile forms on Quinn's lips as she leans over and kisses me. The kiss is gentle, but I can feel how relieved she is. When she breaks our kiss, she presses her head into my chest again.

"Thank you, Finn."

I hold Quinn until she falls asleep, going completely numb as I take turns thinking about everything and then thinking about nothing. When Quinn's breathing gets heavier, I gently lift her from the couch and carry her to the bedroom, placing her on my bed. I stop and watch her for a moment, studying the redness in her cheeks and eyes from crying, but she still looks at peace.

My eyes then glance over to her alarm clock on the night stand and I suddenly remember promising Rachel that I would call her to make sure everything was okay.

I slowly make my way out of the bedroom and gently close the door behind me. I sit down on the couch and pull out my cellphone, clicking Rachel's number out of my favorites.

The phone rings twice before she picks up.

"Hello?" I can already hear the concern in her voice.

I don't know how or why, but hearing Rachel's voice caused a sharp pain to form in my chest, knocking the air out of me.

"Rachel?" My voice cracks and suddenly uncontrollable tears begin to fall from my eyes.

"Finn…" Rachel says softly.

A few sobs escape me and I begin to shake my head. "I'm not okay."


	5. Chapter 5

**Rachel**

I lay in my bed feeling completely numb. I only managed to sleep an hour, but I don't feel tired. My eyes are puffy from endless tears, which ended around three in the morning after I felt like I couldn't cry anymore. I'm still laying in a little ball, trying to disappear from the pain.

Based on the small amount of sunshine now coming through the window I assume that it's around six in the morning now. I close my eyes tightly as I think about Finn's phone call last night.

I had never heard him cry so hard in my life. After he confirmed that he wasn't okay I sat in silence as he cried for awhile. Finn and I both share the quality where we don't need anyone to say anything as we cry, sometimes we just need to cry to someone. To know someone is there. My heart was pounding as I continued to let him cry, scared of what was the cause of his tears. Finally, he began to sniffle and apologized for breaking down. He continued to babble on about Quinn crying and apologizing to him when he got there and then he held her before she told him that she was pregnant. Upon hearing the word pregnant it felt like I had been shot straight in the heart.

I let Finn continue to voice all of his thoughts and how he was scared. He wasn't ready for this and he felt completely lost. I asked him about the baby possibly not being his or maybe Quinn getting an abortion, despite my strong beliefs against it. He told me that it was his and that abortion wasn't even an option. I felt tears threatening my eyes, but I held back. I wanted to be strong for Finn. I wished that I could take away all his problems, but there was nothing that I could do. Finn informed me that he was going to stay with Quinn and provide for her and the baby, and as much as it killed me I told him I was proud of him. I was proud of him for staying with Quinn, but I was completely broken because I knew that I had officially lost the man that I had fallen in love with. The small flame of hope that I had for Finn and I was officially blown out.

After awhile, Finn slowly stopped crying and only sniffled as I told him that everything was going to be okay and that I was always here for him. Whether he was having Quinn Fabray's baby or not, I needed to support him as a friend. Finn thanked me, told me I was an amazing best friend, and then told me he should get some sleep. We both said our goodbyes and I threw my phone across the room.

It wasn't long after that that I broke down. Sinking to the ground, I put my hand over my heart and began to shake as I sobbed. I had lost him. I lost the love of my life to a girl who would never appreciate him for all that he was worth. All I could do now was stand on the sidelines and yell words of encouragement to him while he carried on with a life that was now consumed with Quinn and their baby on the way. The baby would be theirs'. Something special that belonged to both of them. A bond between them that I would never compare to. How long would it be before they moved in together or got married? How long would it be before I was officially pushed out of the picture?

At some point, I managed to get myself to my bed and curled up in a ball, crying into my comforter as I tried repress my screams. I shook my head and repeated muffled no's into my sheets over and over again, wishing that I could take all of my pain away. Take away Finn's pain.

"Rachel?" I hear Kurt's voice outside of my door, shaking me out of my thoughts. I continue to stare at the wall, not moving or answering Kurt.

"Rachel?" I hear him again as he knocks and opens the door. I can feel his eyes on my face as he freezes in the doorway.

"Rachel!" He moves so that he is kneeling by the bed right in front of me. "What's going on? What's wrong?"

I look at him and study his expression for a moment, noticing the concern across his face. I want to tell him what's wrong, but I can't find the words. Even if I could verbalize how I feel then I would be a crying mess the whole time. I continue to stare at Kurt, wishing that I could smooth away the worry on his face.

"Rachel…please talk to me," Kurt says as he reaches over and touches my hand. His hand touching mine and his caring tone suddenly make my eyes flood with tears. My lower lip begins to tremble, which only makes the worry on Kurt's face deepen.

"What is it? Rachel, you're really scaring me." Kurt squeezes my hand and he suddenly sounds panicked. I close my eyes tightly and feel my body begin to shake.

"Finn," I sob, crying harder after I say his name. It all hurts too much.

"What about Finn? What happened? Is he okay?" Kurt squeezes my hand again, obvious scared that something tragic has happened to his step brother.

I open my eyes and swallow hard. "Quinn's pregnant."

Kurt's mouth falls open a little and he gasps quietly. "Oh my God."

A new wave of tears fills my eyes and I take a few deep breaths, feeling like a huge weight is pressing down on me. This must be what heart break feels like.

"I am so sorry," Kurt says as he places his hand against my cheek, wiping some of my tears away with his thumb. "Oh, Rachel…"

Kurt climbs into my bed with me and pulls me to him, holding me in his arms as I cry into his chest. I completely let myself go, clutching onto the fabric of his shirt as I drain myself.

"I love him," I sob into Kurt's chest. "I love him so much."

**Finn**

I wake up with a strong pounding in my head, immediately making me want to fall back asleep. However, the pain is so annoying that I can't bring myself to ignore it and sleep again. I slowly sit up and look around, furrowing my brow as I don't remember where I am. However, I slowly recognize Quinn's bedroom and yawn as I recall falling asleep next to her the night before.

I close my eyes and crack my neck, feeling my body ache in other places other than just my head.

_God, did I drink last night or something? Wait…what did I do last night?_

Thinking back to the events of the previous night it all starts coming back to me. Helping Rachel with her audition piece, getting a call from Quinn, rushing over to her house, holding her as she cried, learning that she was pregnant and that I was the father, calling Rachel and crying to her for almost two hours before forcing myself to sleep.

I put my head in my hands as everything hits me all over again. I don't want to think about all of this anymore because it's already caused a lot of stress in my life, but there's no running from it. I have to face this situation like a man and take responsibility for my actions. The worst part about this situation is knowing that I have officially lost any chance with Rachel, which brings on a whole new wave of pain to my headache.

Sighing, I stand up from Quinn's bed and walk out to her living room. I run a hand through my hair as I make my way to the kitchen, in need of advil and water. When I walk into the kitchen I find Quinn sitting at her kitchen table with a cup of coffee sitting in front of her as well as in the spot across from her. I assume the coffee is for me. Quinn looks up at me and smiles weakly.

"Morning, sleepy head," she says sweetly.

"Morning," I croak. My throat burns and all I can think about is water.

"I…uh…thought we could talk."

I raise a brow at Quinn. I should have expected this, but I don't think I'm ready to talk about any of this. However, I know that we have to talk about this sooner or later.

"Okay," I say flatly as I quickly grab a glass of water and sit down in the seat across from Quinn. I take a long drink of the water, almost emptying the whole glass. "So let's talk."

Quinn sighs and looks down at her cup. "I feel awful for dropping that all on you last night. I know it was major news just to…I don't know. Look, I'm freaked out too. I'm freaked out about what my body will be going through for the next nine months. I'm freaked out about what my parents are going to say. I'm freaked out about how I'm possibly going to take care of a child when I'm barely a woman." She looks up at me and I can see some tears in her eyes. "But most of all…I'm freaked out that you're not okay and you'll leave me."

I swallow hard as I stare at Quinn, unsure what to say.

"I know we've only been dating for two months and hoping you'll stay with me is a long shot…but I…"

"I told you last night that I wouldn't leave you, Quinn," I remind her.

"I know. It's just…I was a crying mess last night and you could have just been telling me what I wanted to hear."

I shake my head. "You know I wouldn't do that."

She slowly nods and looks down at her cup again. "Yeah…I know." She sighs again and looks up at me, a new wave of confidence suddenly taking over her features. "If we're going to do this together then I think we need to make plans, arrangements, and rules."

"Rules?" I say, raising a brow.

"Yes, rules. Dos and don'ts. I need to know that I can trust you, Finn."

I laugh. "I don't see why you need rules to do that."

Quinn furrows her brow. "They're not necessarily rules. They're just agreements and responsibilities that I think you and I should be held accountable for."

"Those sound like rules to me, Quinn."

"Well, they're not."

"Then give me an example of one of these agreements," I say as I lean back in my chair.

Quinn purses her lips. "You have to be home before nine o'clock on weekdays and you can't be with Rachel passed six o'clock."

"What!?" I laugh and shake my head in disbelief. "You have to be joking!"

"That's what parents do, Finn! They need to be home so they can take care of their children!"

"But where does Rachel fall into all of this?"

Quinn's body seems to grow tense. "I just don't think it's appropriate to be at her house so late when you have a pregnant girlfriend." She lifts a brow at me, waiting for my reaction.

"Quinn, that's ridiculous. Rachel and I are best friends. We've been friends for years and I should be able to hang out with her whenever and wherever I want to."

"Why are you so defensive about this?"

"Because these rules are bullshit!" I yell as I stand up from the table. I can't believe that Quinn is just pushing Rachel out of my life even more. Doesn't she know that I've already lost so much already?

Quinn seems to soften a bit. "Finn, I…I'm sorry. Please sit down. I was out of line and I do really want to talk about all of this."

My jaw clenches as I try to decide whether I should sit down or not. I feel myself relax slightly and finally sigh in defeat, sitting back down.

"Thank you," she says as she sits up straight. "So no more about the rules. I think we need to discuss what we're going to do now though."

"Like what?" I ask, nervous about what she could be planning.

"Well…" she pauses, looking equally as nervous. "Don't you think it would be logical to move into together?"

My heart begins to race and I suddenly feel like I'm going to be sick. Move in together? I know that if we're going to stay together and get through this together that moving in together would make sense, but I still feel like it's too early to even think about that.

I clear my throat. "Yeah…it would. I'm just not ready yet."

Quinn presses her lips into a line to show her disapproval. "I guess I can understand why you would feel that way. I just think that it would be best for us and the baby."

The word baby makes my stomach churn even more. "Yeah," I say breathlessly.

Quinn reaches over and places her hand over mine. "Hey, I'm scared too, okay? But we're in this together."

I smile weakly at her. At least it's nice to know that I'm not alone. "Yeah, you're right."

Quinn smiles back at me. "Finn…"

I search her eyes, feeling the mood around us change. "Yes?"

"I want you to know that I care about you a lot and that I will always be here for you."

"Thank, Quinn. That means a lot. I feel the same way." I do care about Quinn and I do plan on staying with her, no matter how much of a pain in the ass she can be.

"Finn, I love you," she says quickly, completely taking me off guard. My eyes grow wide and I instantly become speechless.

_She just said the "L" word….after two months. Maybe this is just those pregnancy hormones talking._

"I'm not expecting you to say it back," Quinn says with a shrug. "I just really wanted you to know."

I nod. "I'm sorry that I can't say it back now, but maybe that day will come soon when I can." I try to smile as best as I can, knowing fully well that every single word is a lie.

**Rachel**

Somehow I managed to pull myself out of bed and make myself look presentable enough to go to my audition. I wrap my coat tightly around myself as I walk into the Pasadena Playhouse. I should probably feel nervous for my audition, but I'm not. My mind is mainly focused on Finn and I know that performing will help me escape from all of this pain for just a few minutes. That escape is making me crave singing and acting for the casting directors. To just let myself go and pursue my passion.

When it's finally my turn, I walk into the audition room, handing my headshot and resume to the casting directors.

"Hello there," a man says to me with a small smile. I know that he's being professional and don't allow his slightly stiff manner to bother me.

"We'd like you to start with your singing piece. So please introduce yourself, your song, and jump right into it," he nods at the end, signaling me to begin just as Finn had.

I feel a of wave of energy run through me as I smile widely at him and the other indivuduals sitting at the table. "My name is Rachel Berry and I will be singing…" I pause for a moment, surprising myself when I speak again. "I will be singing Rose's Turn from the musical, Gypsy."

Everyone at the table smiles, making me feel encouraged.

I take a few deep breaths, feeling the pain of Quinn's pregnancy hit me again, but only using it to my advantage for my song.

_All that work and what did it get me?_  
_Why did I do it?_  
_Scrapbooks full of me in the background._  
_Give 'em love and what does it get ya?_  
_What does it get ya?_  
_One quick look as each of 'em leaves you._  
_All your life and what does it get ya?_  
_Thanks a lot and out with the garbage,_  
_They take bows and you're battin' zero._

_I had a dream._  
_I dreamed it for you, June._  
_It wasn't for me, Herbie._  
_And if it wasn't for me_  
_Then where would you be,_  
_Miss Gypsy Rose Lee?_

_Well, someone tell me, when is it my turn?_  
_Don't I get a dream for myself?_  
_Starting now it's gonna be my turn._  
_Gangway, world, get off of my runway!_  
_Starting now I bat a thousand!_  
_This time, boys, I'm taking the bows and_

_Everything's coming up Rachel!_  
_Everything's coming up Berry!_  
_Everything's coming up Rachel!_  
_This time for me!_

_For me! For me! For me! For me! For me! For me!_

When I'm done I feel a little breathless, but there's a part of me that feels a little put back together. I look at the casting directors to find them all smiling at me, which is definitely a good feeling.

"Very good, Ms. Berry. Now let's begin your cold read."

After my audition I walk out of the theatre with a smile across my face. I pull my phone out of my pocket and quickly choose Kurt's name from my contacts.

"Hello?"

"Kurt! The audition went great! I think they really liked me!" I let out an excited laugh and there's a skip in my step.

"Aww, Rach! I knew they would love you. Did they like your rendition of Being Good Isn't Good Enough?"

I let out a small laugh. "About that, I didn't end up singing that song."

"What? But you've been working on it for a month! How could you not?"

"I don't know," I shrug. "My intuition told me to sing something else, so I went with it."

"That doesn't sound like the Rachel I know. What did you sing instead?"

"Rose's Turn," I say with a smile, knowing Kurt absolutely loves that song.

"You did not! Oh my God! I'm so mad that I missed that."

"Well, maybe I can sing it just for you tonight or something."

"That needs to happen," Kurt laughs. "Hey, Rachel…I'm really glad that you seem to be in a better mood, but I really think you should call Finn. I'm sure that he would want to hear about how your audition went. I think he needs some sunshine in his life right about now as well."

My smile falls as I let Kurt's words sink in. Why does he always have to be right about everything? "I know," I sigh. "I'm going to check on him as well. It's going to hurt, but I need to be there for him as a friend and not be selfish."

"That's very mature of you, Rachel," Kurt says. "Okay, I'll see you at home. I love you."

"I love you too, Kurt."

I hang up the phone and find Finn's name in my contacts, hesitating slightly before pressing the call button.

"Hey, Rachel," he says, sounding a little far away.

"Hey, Finn. How are you?"

"I'm okay. Still a little shaken up right now, but I'll make it. How about you?"

I can't help but wonder if he knows his news has hurt me as well. Based on his tone I feel like he may have some idea that it has.

"I'm…" awful, "good. I actually was calling because I just got out of my audition for Sweeney Todd. I think they liked me and I have a real shot of getting in." I don't sound as excited as I had when I told Kurt my news, but that's only because Quinn's pregnancy is still sitting in the air between Finn and me.

"Oh hey, Rach. That's great! I'm really happy for you," I know Finn is being sincere, but his voice still sounds sad.

"Thanks, Finn. I'm really excited about it."

"You should be. That's really amazing. I know you're going to get in. You're talented and you have a bright future ahead of you, you know that? You're going to go places and be someone. You're going to make it." Finn's ramble takes me off guard, but I know exactly why he's saying all of this. He's most likely feeling trapped. He thinks that it's all over for him.

"Finn…" I say gently.

"I should probably go. Quinn wants to talk through some more stuff. We've been trying to work through all of this."

I nod, "Okay." My voice sounds small, which is exactly how I feel.

"Rachel, thanks for calling. It's really nice to hear your voice."

I smile weakly at his words. "Of course, Finn. You're my best friend. Call me later, okay?"

"Okay. I'll talk to you soon."

"Sounds good. Bye, Finn." I hang up my phone and clutch it in my hand, feeling my heart race as I continue walking toward my apartment.

_This isn't the end for you, Finn Hudson. It can't be. _


	6. Chapter 6

**Rachel**

"So that's it? Quinn's pregnant and he's completely devoting himself to her and the baby?" Kurt asks.

I nod, tears rushing down my face. We're currently seated at our kitchen table, drinking some tea in an attempt to unwind.

"God…" I shake my head and sniffle. "I am so stupid. I kissed him at that bar and put myself out there. Even after we agreed to forget about the kiss at Bow Bridge I still believed that Finn and I might still have a chance. But it always seems like something manages to keep us apart. Maybe we're not meant to be together."

"Do you really believe that?" Kurt says as he tilts his head to the side, his eyes filled with sadness.

I shrug. "We've had plenty of time. If we were meant to be together then it would have happened by now." I look down and sniffle.

Kurt's hand reaches across the table to touch mine. "Or sometimes you just need all that time to realize and decide what you want."

I sigh and my voice breaks, "I want him."

Kurt pats my hand. "He wants you too."

I shake my head and begin to sob again. I'm so tired of crying. My head is pounding from crying so much and I just want to escape from my life somehow. Not even sleep can fix this anymore.

"And I haven't even heard from the casting directors yet and it's already ten o'clock. If I can't make it at in an off Broadway production then how am I ever going to make it on Broadway?"

"Rachel, stop. You can't be this pessimistic. That's not Rachel Berry at all."

"Well, what if I'm not that Rachel Berry anymore?" I look up at Kurt. "I've lost my guy. I'm too scared to audition for Broadway. I feel like everything is just gone."

Kurt's jaw clenches and he squeezes my hand. "Hey, Rach. Listen to me. You're going to be on Broadway. You're going to spend your life with a man that you love and that's going to be Finn."

"You can't promise that," I say shaking my head.

"Yes I can, and I will right now. You're going to be okay. You always are and I'm going to do whatever it takes to get you out of this funk."

I smile weakly at Kurt. "Thank you, Kurt. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Rachel. Now open up your laptop and start looking for more auditions while I make you some cookies." Kurt jumps up from the table and moves into the kitchen.

I smile at him before getting up from the table, looking for my laptop. However, I freeze when I hear my cell phone begin to ring and quickly go to answer it.

"Hello?"  
"Yes, is this Rachel Berry?"  
"This is her."  
"Hello, Rachel. This is Tony Ellis, the director for Sweeney Todd at the Pasadena Playhouse."  
"Yes, of course."  
"I was just calling to let you know that you're wanted for call backs at three tomorrow afternoon. We would like you to prepare another song and we'll do some cold reads with some of the other actors."  
"Great. I will be there. Thank you so much."  
"We look forward to seeing you. Take care."

I hang up the phone and feel a wide smile take over my lips. I turn around and find Kurt smiling over at me as if he already knows what I'm going to tell him.

"I got a call back!" I cheer, jumping up and down.

Kurt's smiles and nods at me. "Congratulations, Ms. Berry."

My smile grows wider and a hopeful thrill runs through me.

Don't give up yet, Berry.

The next day I head to the theatre for my call back, feeling excited yet nervous at the same time. I managed to get four hours of sleep last night, which is a large improvement in my opinion.

Walking into the theatre, I look around at all of the other people with hopeful looks on their faces. Some are holding their heads too high and look way too proud of themselves while others are closing their eyes and taking deep breaths in order to calm their nerves.

"Rachel Berry?" I hear someone say my name from behind me and quickly turn around to see who it is. I recognize her as one of the people who were sitting at the casting table during my first audition.

"Yes?" I say, keeping my voice happy and upbeat. I feel excited because she actually recognized me.

"Can you come with me, please?" Her smile is warming and I feel my heart begin to slow as I relax. A casting director asking me to come with them before an audition is not something that I'm familiar with, but I choose not to question her motives too much.

"Of course," I say as I follow her through a door. We enter a small room where I see Tony Ellis and another man talking together. They laugh at something the other man said, showing that they obviously have a comfortable friendship.

"Tony, here is Rachel Berry," the woman says, smiling at Tony brightly. _What on Earth is this all about?_

"Thank you, Heather. Could you tell the other actors that it will just be another fifteen minutes?"

Heather nods at him and shoots me one more smile before she makes her way back out the door that we came in through.

"Hello, Rachel. It's nice to see you again," Tony sticks his hand out and I instantly take it, giving him a firm handshake.

"It's nice to see you too, Mr. Ellis."

"Please, call me Tony." He smiles at me and I return it. Tony then gestures to the man standing next to him. "Rachel, I would like you to meet Michael Mayer."

My heart skips a beat as I recognize the man's name. He has directed multiple Broadway shows and even won a Tony Award.

"It's an honor to meet you, Mr. Mayer," I say as we shake hands.

Michael Mayer smiles at me, "It's an honor for me as well. According to Tony you have an incredible gift."

I blush a little and feel an uncontrollable smile take over my lips. I don't even know what to say because I'm too struck.

"Michael has just been asked to direct a new Broadway musical that will be premiering this winter. Next week he will be holding auditions in order to cast actors into various roles," Tony says as I hang onto every word.

"The actors will obviously be our original cast, which as you know is an incredible honor," Michael offers.

"Yes, of course," I say as I nod at both of them. _Where is this going? Do they want me to audition?_

Tony laughs, obviously seeing the confusion on my face. "Well after your audition yesterday I called Michael and told him about you. You have an amazing voice, Rachel. A voice that I would love to have in my production of Sweeney Todd, but I know is meant for so much more than that."

_Oh my God. I can't believe this is happening. They want me to audition! I don't know if I'm ready._

"I know this is a lot to take in, but this is an incredible opportunity for you. I really believe that you should consider it because an original character on Broadway is something that every aspring actor or actress dreams about," Tony reasons.

_Oh, trust me. I know._

Michael cuts in again. "The thing is, Rachel…I don't want you to audition next week."

_Wait…what?_

"What I was hoping is that you could show me the piece that you prepared for your call back today and we could go from there," Michael says, smiling at me.

_What!? Are you kidding me!? Right now!? You just told me that you want me to be on Broadway and now you want me to just jump into my audition right here and now?_

"I know this is sudden, but after Tony told me so much about you I just had to experience it for myself. If you don't feel comfortable performing now then we can wait until next week. I just.-"

"No, I'll audition now," I cut Michael off, suprising myself. As terrified as I am I can't just pass up an opporuntity like this. I would be letting a lot of people down, especially myself.

"Great!" Michael says as him and Tony exchange an excited smile. They both move to sit down at a table set up for them as I take my mark in front of them. I take a few deep breaths as I try to calm my racing heart.

_You can do this, Rachel Berry. You've dreamt about this moment endless amounts of times and now it's time for you to take it. So go ahead and take it._

"Just slate like you normally would and begin whenever you're ready, Rachel," Tony says.

I nod at him and take another deep breath. "My name is Rachel Berry and today I'll be singing Barbra Streisand's closing number to my favorite musical, Funny Girl."

Both men smile at me as I prepare myself. I look passed them at the wall, picturing Finn staring at me. I feel both pain and love rush through me at the same time as I imagine him cheering me on.

_Oh my man I love him so_  
_He'll never know__  
__All my life is just despair__  
__But I don't care__  
__When he takes me in his arms__  
__The world is bright, alright___

_What's the difference if I say__  
__I'll go away__  
__When I know I'll come back__  
__On my knees someday__  
__Oh whatever my man is__  
__I am his forever more___

_It cost me a lot__  
__But that's one thing that I've got__  
__It's my man__  
__Cold and wet__  
__Tired you bet__  
__But all that I soon forget__  
__With my man___

_He's not much for looks__  
__And no hero out of books__  
__He's my man__  
__Two or three girls has he__  
__That he likes as well as me__  
__But I love him___

_Oh my man I love him so__  
__He'll never know__  
__All my life is just despair__  
__But I don't care__  
__When he takes me in his arms__  
__The world is bright, alright___

_What's the difference if I say__  
__I'll go away__  
__When I know I'll come back__  
__On my knees someday__  
__Oh whatever my man is__  
__I am his forever more._

After I'm done signing I slowly open my eyes, completely unaware that I closed them in the first place. I look at both men, feeling my body slightly shaking from my emotional release in my song and from my nerves of what they're going to say.

Suddenly, Michael stands up from his chair and begins clapping. This takes me off guard and I feel my jaw drop slightly as I stare at his smiling face.

"That was absolutely breath taking," Michael says as he stops clapping.

"I told you she had a voice!" Tony says, laughing as he shakes his head.

I don't know what to say so I just stand in front of the table smiling at both of them. Finn's face slowly fades from my mind as I focus on Michael and Tony instead.

Michael clears his throat and makes his way over to me. "Rachel, I don't want to overwhelm you…but I don't think…no…I know that I'm not going to find anyone more perfect for this role than you. I would be honored if you would come and be a part of my original cast."

I put my hands over my mouth and feel my eyes fill with tears. For the first time in the past two days, they are tears of joy rather than tears of pain. "Are you serious?" I ask, my voice breaking.

Michael smiles widely at me and nods. "Yes. I'm being completely serious."

"Oh my God," I say before removing my hands from my mouth. "Thank you. Thank you so much." I take his hand and give it a squeeze.

Michael laughs and pulls me into a hug. He hugs my tightly before we pull away. "Welcome aboard, Ms. Berry."

**Finn**

I have just returned home from work and I'm looking through my fridge for something to eat when I hear my phone begin ringing. I retrieve my phone from my workbag and press it up to my ear.

"Hello, Quinn."

"Hey, Finn. Are you free tonight?"

I would prefer to just relax and have some time to myself tonight, but I already know that's not an option. Quinn and I have been spending every free moment together since she found out she was pregnant two days ago and it's beginning to drive me crazy. I know that she is controlling and wants everything to be perfect, but we still have time. However, if I tell her that I have plans or can't get together then she'll only yell at me and blow everything out of proportion.

"Yeah, I'm free. Did you want to do something?"

"I figured we could make a trip down to the coffee shop and discuss some more plans. I had a few ideas come to me while I was at work today and I want to tell you about them as soon as possible," Quinn's voice sounds chipper. It's as if she's more excited for this baby than heartbroken now. I guess that's a good thing considering we can't do anything about it, but she sure did come to terms with the situation awfully fast.

"That…sounds great, Quinn. Do you want me to meet you there?" I ask as I move to grab my coat.

"No, actually how about I come over to your place and we can walk together? We could stop in some other shops along the way too."

I let a small smile fall on my lips. I know that I need to be a better boyfriend and focus on enjoying my time with Quinn instead of dreading it. "Sounds perfect. When are you heading over?"

I hear a knock on my front door, raising a brow as I look over. _Is that her already?_

"I'm still at work so I'm going to finish up here, run home to change, and then I'll be over. Does that sound good?" Quinn says as I make my way to the front door.

I pull open the door and find Rachel's smiling face looking up at me. I can tell that it's the smile Rachel wears when she's really excited or happy about something, which makes me instantly smile.

"Finn?" Quinn asks in my ear.

"Perfect. I'll see you soon," I say, a smile intertwining with my voice.

"I look forward to it, baby," Quinn says before hanging up the phone. I hang up the phone as well and slip it in my back pocket.

I let out a laugh as Rachel and I continue to stare at each other, realizing just how happy I am to see her. Even with all the shit going on in my life, Rachel still manages to bring out the best in me.

"Hey, Rachel. What's going on?"

Rachel's smile widens even more and I suddenly see her eyes coat with tears. At first I think she's hysterical or something, but then I realize that she's crying out of happiness when she let's out her usual excited laugh and bounces.

"I made it," she says. Her voice breaks slightly.

I smile at her, "You got the part in Sweeney Todd? Rachel, that's amazing!"

She shakes her head and I instantly grow confused. I raise a brow at her, not understanding what she's trying to tell me.

"I'm going to be on Broadway, Finn." My jaw drops as her words hit me. "I made it…I made it!"

I let out a laugh as I pick her up in a huge hug, squeezing her to me tightly. "Oh my God, Rachel!" I had no words to describe how proud I was of her. All I can think to do is hold her for as long as possible and show her how special she is to not just me, but to the world. I want her to know just how happy I am for her because she deserves this more than anyone.

At some point I finally put Rachel down and shut the door behind her as I lead her into the apartment. We sit down on the couch as Rachel wipes away her happy tears and we both try to calm down.

"I just got out of the audition," Rachel says a little breathless. "I walked out and was about to call you, but I wanted to tell you in person more."

I feel honored that I am the first person that Rachel wanted to call, but I feel even more honored that she decided to come tell me in person instead.

"I can't believe you're going to be on Broadway. Well, I mean I can because everyone knew it was going to happen, but this is just amazing." I pause for a moment, suddenly realizing something.

"Wait, I thought you were just going to your call back for Sweeney Todd today. How did you end up landing a role on Broadway?"

Rachel shrugs and smiles at me. Her eyes are red and puffy from crying, but she still looks absolutely beautiful. "I went to the theatre for call backs, but as soon as I walked in a lady pulled me to the side and told me the director wanted to see me. When I met up with him he was talking with Michael Mayers, who has directed multiple Broadway shows. Tony told Michael I had an amazing voice and he wanted me to audition for him right then and there. So…I did. Then he offered me a job in his new show!"

I shake my head at Rachel and smile. "That's so amazing. See, everyone sees that you're a star!"

Rachel laughs. "It's just so crazy. My head is still spinning from all of it. Michael isn't holding auditions for his show until next week, but after watching me perform he told me that he had to have me. I'm going to star in an original Broadway musical. Finn!" She lets out another excited laugh and I can't help but join her.

"What's the name of the musical?"

"It's called Spring Awakening. I'm supposed to be playing a girl named Wendla Bergmann. Michael said that they'll send me a script tomorrow and I should read though it before next week. He wants me to help him with the auditions for some of the other characters. To test chemistry and everything."

"Rachel, I am so happy for you. You deserve this and I know that you're going to knock it out of the park."

She smiles at me and reaches over to put her hand on mine. "Thank you, Finn. I don't think I would have been able to do any of this without you."

I shake my head. "Nah, you were bound to be a star whether I was in your life or not."

Rachel searches my eyes and looks a little sad. "It was because of you that I had the courage to sing my song in front of Michael today though. All these years you have always believed in me and I am so thankful that I have you in my life." Her eyes fill with tears again and I can't help but think that this isn't just because I encouraged her to keep aiming for Broadway through the years. "I don't ever want to lose you, Finn."

Immediately I move over to Rachel and pull her to me. She presses her head to my chests and continues to cry as I begin to rub her back.

"You're not going to lose me. Okay? I'm not going anywhere. I'll be there on opening night to cheer you on. I'll be there to witness you winning your first Tony Award. I'll even be there when you win the next five. I'll be there to listen to every single audition piece before all of your auditions. I'll always be here, whether you want me or not."

Rachel's head nuzzles into my chest. "Promise?"

I smile and smooth the back of her hair. "I promise."

Rachel sighs and looks up at me. "Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me, Rachel."

She smiles at me before placing her head back against my chest. I tighten my arms around her and rest my chin on the top of her head.

Suddenly there is a knock on the door and we both jump as well pull a part. Rachel looks over at me and lifts a brow in confusion. I sigh as I realize who's standing on the other side of the door.

"Quinn," I say as I press my lips firmly together. I feel slightly guilty for sitting here with Rachel when my pregnant girlfriend is currently outside my door, but everything between Rachel and me has been strictly friendly. Despite my strong internal feelings for her.

I stand up from the couch and Rachel follows suit. I glance at the clock, remembering one of Quinn's rules about Rachel and me not hanging out after seven o'clock. I see that it's six thirty and feel relieved, which annoys me. I shouldn't have to put limits on my life just because Quinn says so.

I open the door and find Quinn's sweet smile beaming up at me.

"Hey, baby," she says as she steps inside and presses a gentle kiss against my lips. My body stiffens slightly as I remember Rachel is standing behind me.

When Quinn pulls away she smiles up at me again before looking passed me into my apartment. Her smile falls and I know that she is staring at Rachel standing in my living room.

"What is she doing here?" She hisses at me quietly as her eyes dart back toward me.

"She was just stopping by to tell me-" I get cut off as Quinn storms passed me into my apartment. I close the door and quickly follow her as she stops right in front of Rachel.

"What's the matter, Rachel? You look like you've been crying," Quinn says in an impatient tone as she crosses her arms.

Rachel clears her throat and shakes her head, tucking some hair behind one of her ears. "Nothing's wrong."

"Rachel was just offered a role in an original Broadway show," I say, catching Rachel smiling at me. I return her smile and feel Quinn's eyes burn against the side of my face.

"Oh, how…lovely," Quinn states. She then puts on a large smile and moves over to Rachel, giving her a hug. Rachel looks surprised as she hugs Quinn back, meeting my eyes as she pats Quinn's back. When they pull a part, Quinn holds Rachel's forearms gently and smiles at her.

"I'm so happy for you, Rachel. Maybe we can have lunch later this week and you can tell me all about it?" Quinn's sudden warmth toward Rachel takes me by surprise, and it obviously is surprising Rachel as well.

"Yeah, that sounds great, Quinn."

Quinn releases Rachel's arms and moves back towards me, instantly wrapping her arms around my waist. I can't help but feel that it's a possessive gesture.

Rachel looks back and forth between Quinn and me before nodding to herself. "Well, I should probably get going. I'll see you two later, okay?"

"O…okay. Do you want me to walk you out?" I ask, feeling Quinn's body tense.

Rachel shakes her head. "No, I'll be okay. Thanks though."

"Bye, Rach," I say, feeling disappointment flood over me.

Rachel smiles weakly at both of use before making her way towards the door. She stops in the doorway and turns around to face us again.

"Oh, and Quinn, congratulations." Rachel then opens the door and lets herself, leaving without another word.

Quinn's arms fall from my waist and she takes a step back. "You told her!?"

I shut my eyes tightly, quickly trying to prepare myself for one of Quinn's tantrums. How am I going to prepare to spend my life with two children?

I open my eyes and look back at Quinn. "Yes, I told her. I needed someone to talk to about all of this," I reason.

"But why did it have to be Rachel?" Quinn asks, saying Rachel's name with a disgusted tone.

"Because she's my best friend and the one I turn to for everything," I fire back at her, furrowing my brow in annoyance.

"We're going to be leaning on each other for everything, Finn. Don't you think you should be turning to me? Rachel has no business in all of this!"

"There's things that I don't feel like I can tell you, Quinn. We've been spending every waking moment together since you found out you were pregnant and I feel suffocated!"

Quinn narrows her eyes on me and crosses her arms. "That's what you do when you get yourself in a situation like this with someone, Finn. I thought you were a man and would step up in this situation, but you haven't!"

"I am a man!" I yell back at her. "I'm doing the best that I can and it would a lot easier if you weren't jumping at my throat every five seconds!"

"Well I wouldn't be jumping at your throat if you weren't playing house with Berry!"

A new wave of anger runs through me as Quinn brings Rachel into all of this again. "I haven't done anything with Rachel! I've been her friend and she has been mine, but that's it! I'm tired of you trying to pull her out of my life! I'm already losing so much from all of this and I'm not letting you take away even more." I feel my anger take over as I think about losing Rachel again. Without thinking, I kick over my side table, causing all of the objects on top of it to fall to floor. A glass that had been sitting there collides with the wood floor and shatters, scattering shards of glass at our feet.

Quinn quickly bursts into tears as she stares down at the glass. She meets my eyes again and I can see her begin to shake. "Is that what you think? That you're losing your life because of me?"

I feel my anger subside and I suddenly feel guilty and small. I'm not proud of what I just said or did, but when it comes to Rachel there's just a different side of me that even I don't understand.

I continue to stare at Quinn, unsure of what to say.

"All I wanted to do was come over and have a nice night," Quinn says, her voice breaking. "I just wanted to go out and be normal for once." She breaks down again and looks at the floor, making my heart drop. I know that I'm the reason for this and I feel awful. I have been so selfish thinking about everything that I'm losing, when Quinn is just as scared and lost as I am.

I move towards her and put my hands either side of her face, making her look up at me. "I'm so sorry, Quinn," I whisper. Her bottom lip trembles as she continues to stare at me. "I don't want to fight. Not anymore. I'm sorry."

Quinn nods and moves to put her head against my chest, wrapping her arms around my waist again. I wrap my arms around her as I sigh, missing the way Rachel's head felt against my chest.

_You need to get over your feelings for Rachel. You need to be a man._


	7. Chapter 7

**Finn**

"So what's on your mind, Kurt?" I ask as I take another bite of my food. Kurt and I usually have lunch if we haven't seen each other in awhile, and since I have been so busy with Quinn the past week it has been hard to hang out with him. However, today Quinn asked Rachel to go out to lunch so I figured I would take my chance to spend some time with Kurt. I find it a little hard to focus on things considering Quinn is currently out with Rachel though.

"Where did you get the idea that I had something on my mind?" Kurt raises a brow at me.

"You always touch your hair a lot when you're thinking about something," I gesture towards his hair with my fork. His hand freezes halfway through his hair as he looks at me. He drops his hand after a few seconds and then clears his throat.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he says, turning his attention back to his food.

"Kurt," I sigh, knowing fully well this has to be something serious if he's not willing to talk about it. He's always managed to be open with me. I've always respected Kurt's brutal honestly.

Kurt looks up at me and presses his lips into a thin line. "Rachel told me about Quinn."

I swallow hard as some of the color drains from my face. I'm not ready to tell my mom about Quinn's pregnancy yet and I was afraid that if I told Kurt that it would get back to her somehow. I know not to be mad at Rachel for telling Kurt. It had to be hard for her to hear that sort of news, I know it was hard for me.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Kurt asks, looking slightly hurt.

"You know I wanted to tell you, Kurt. It was just a lot to take in and Rachel was the first person that I thought to call. Just, please, don't tell Burt or my mom."

Kurt shakes his head at me. "I wouldn't tell them about this, but you're going to have to tell them at some point."

I nod as I play with the food on my plate, imagining how disappointed they'll both be when they find out my news.

"I'm here for you though," I hear Kurt say, causing me to look up at him.

"You're still my brother and I'll do anything to make sure that you're okay," Kurt confirms.

I smile at him. "Thank you. That really means a lot." I sigh and take another bite of my food, feeling slightly better that Kurt isn't currently screaming at me.

"But," he starts again, "I want you to know that...you really hurt Rachel."

I stop chewing and stare at Kurt, feeling my chest clench.

"I don't want to go around telling you how she feels, but I've never seen her like that before. I was scared when I found her lying in her bed. She looked like a zombie and then she just broke down crying. I could barely stand it."

The pain in my chest deepens as if someone is currently driving a knife into it and slowly twisting it. I could tell that Rachel was upset about Quinn's pregnancy but I only thought it was because she was scared for me, but Kurt made it seem like it went way beyond that.

"I didn't mean to," I say quietly as I shake my head, feeling my chest continue to sting.

"I know you didn't. It's just…why did you start dating Quinn in the first place? You knew that you had feelings for Rachel, so why didn't you just go after her?"

I look passed Kurt and think back to the day before I ran into Quinn on the streets of New York. Rachel and I had gone for a walk together and ended up at Bow Bridge without even thinking about it.

"I was going to…we were at Bow Bridge, she was holding my hand, and everything was just…perfect. Then she looked at me, but for the first time…there was something different in her eyes. I was prepared to tell her everything. That I loved her and that I would do anything to make her mine."

Kurt was hanging on my every word, eager to hear what happened between us that day.

"But," I continued, furrowing my brow. "Then she all of a sudden started talking about Broadway, Tony Awards, and a future full of endless possibilities. I started thinking…where do I fit into all of this?"

"Finn…" Kurt begins.

"I figured I would only hold her back," I state as I shake my head. "She's meant for so much more, Kurt. She's the most amazing person I know and the world deserves to see that. Imagine if Rachel was the one who was pregnant right now instead of Quinn. Everything would be gone."

Kurt slowly shakes his head at me. "Finn, that's not true at all. You wouldn't hold her back at all because she…"

I look at Kurt, waiting for him to speak again, but he only swallows hard and starts over. "You mean a lot to her. You know that whether you two were together or not that she would still make it to Broadway. Heck, she wasn't even trying to get a role on Broadway right now and she still landed one. Nothing is going to keep that girl off of that stage, Finn. The main reason she believes she's going to be on Broadway is because of you!"

I sigh, "But it's not true! It's all because of her. She's special and she knows it."

"You're special," Kurt states. "And she knows that."

Kurt's words hit me and instantly make me fall silent.

"You two are meant for each other. Everyone knows it, including you."

**Rachel**

I check my watch for the fifth time as I sit at the café. Quinn told me to meet her here at noon, but it's now fifteen minutes past and she's still not here. I wouldn't be surprised if she was a no show, but I decide to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Sure enough, I see Quinn pass the window, walking perfectly in her nude heels. A few men turn to look at her as she walks by, drooling over the beautiful blonde. I look down at the menu in front of me, knowing that I'll never be capable of having that effect on men.

I look up again as Quinn nears our table, waving at her once she meets my eyes. She smiles at me, but there's something about it that isn't quite friendly. It almost looks like she's amused by something, but I'm not sure what.

"Hey, Quinn. How are you?" I ask with a smile as she takes her seat across from me.

"I'm fine, Berry," she answers flatly as she sets her purse down next to her chair. She doesn't even bother to ask how I am in return.

I nod and don't let her tone bother me. "Are all your stories coming along okay for work? Finn said that your boss was very impressed by your work and was discussing a promotion the other day." I say, hoping to strike up a conversation based on something she's interested in. I don't know why Quinn wanted to have lunch today, but I figured since she's having a baby with my best friend that she would want to make some sort of peace.

Quinn sighs and brushes some hair away from her face. "Listen, Rachel. I don't want to have lunch or discuss my work with you. I only asked you to meet me here because I wanted to talk to you about Finn."

I lift a brow at her, taking in her words. "What about Finn? Is he okay?"

Quinn rolls her eyes. "Yes, he's fine."

"Then what's there to talk about?" I ask, shaking my head as I try to understand what Quinn is saying.

"Let's cut to the chase, schnoz. Finn may have been your guy back in high school, but that was seven years ago. He's mine now and he's the father to my baby. There's no room for you in this picture, so I suggest you run along on your path to Broadway and get out of my future with Finn."

I feel my mouth fall open a little as I listen to Quinn, completely shocked by everything that she's saying. Run along? I can't just leave Finn. I can't imagine a life without him in the picture somehow.

"But Finn and I are best friends and that's it-"

Quinn quickly cuts me. "Don't you get it? He needs to focus on his family now, Rachel. You don't belong here anymore." She studies my expression as her eyes become more serious. "Stay away from my boyfriend."

I look down at the table, feeling lost as she stands up and slips her purse over her shoulder.

"You're so sad. Why don't you just realize that Finn doesn't want you? It's over. Move on." I continue to look down as Quinn turns and makes her way out of the café, her heels clicking as she moves along the tile.

Once she's gone I look around me and notice other people glancing over at me. They obviously heard my conversation with Quinn and are now giving me questionable looks. I want to get up and leave the café, but I can't move. I can't do anything but think about how I need to withdraw myself from Finn's life completely.

**Finn**

I check my phone again for the hundredth time today, but am once again disappointed when I see I have no texts from Rachel. It has been nearly a week since the last time I talked to her and I'm not sure why she's ignoring me this time. I know that she's supposed to start her work for her new show tomorrow and I want to make sure that she's okay. I have to keep my promise and be there for her through all of this, but how can I do that when she's not answering me?

I could just show up at her place. We have both done that many times and we tend to leave our front doors unlocked when the other is home so we can just walk in when necessary. However, something tells me that showing up out of the blue wouldn't be the best idea right now.

All of a sudden my phone begins to ring, but I don't allow myself to get excited. I already know the person calling isn't Rachel.

"Hello?" I say flatly.

"Don't sound too excited," Kurt says sarcastically. "I have something really special to discuss with you!"

I'm not really in the mood to discuss anything, but I can't help but wonder if Rachel is currently with Kurt, making me relentless to get off the phone with him.

"As you know, tomorrow is Rachel's first day working on her first Broadway show! So I thought we could do something special for her, you know? Maybe have a little get together for her tomorrow so when she comes home she can see all of us and know how proud we are of her!"

I press my lips into a firm line, feeling as if Rachel wouldn't want me at her little get together anyway.

"That sounds great, Kurt…but I don't think Rachel would want me to be a part of that."

"What? Why?" Kurt's voice sounds confused and I let out a small sigh.

"I don't know. She hasn't been answering my calls or texts. I'm not sure what I did, but she doesn't seem like she's in any mood to talk to me."

"Hmmm…" Kurt says as he grows silent for a few moments. "Rachel only avoids contact if she's really upset about something, but as far as I'm concerned you haven't done anything…or at least she hasn't said anything."

I nod, trying to think of anything I could have said or done in the past couple of days that would have upset her so much.

"I'll talk to her," Kurt finally says. "I'm not sure why she would be avoiding you, but I'll figure it out. I'll keep you posted, okay?"

"Okay," I sigh. "Talk to you soon."

**Rachel**

I sit on the couch and read through my script for Spring Awakening for the sixth time. I have most of my lines memorized by now, but I still feel the need to dig even deeper.

Suddenly, I hear Kurt enter the living room and make his way to the couch, sliding down next to me. I quickly close my script and lift a finger up to him.

"No peeking! You have to wait until opening night!"

Kurt laughs and puts an arm on the back of the couch behind me. "Trust me, hun. I would rather see you perform it."

I smile at him and place my script on the cushion to my other side.

"Why haven't you been talking to Finn?"

His question makes me freeze and I slowly look over to him. "What?"

"Why haven't you been returning any of Finn's phone calls or texts?"

"Who told you that?"

"Finn."

_Why did Finn have to bring Kurt into this?_

_Oh, face it. Kurt will always be involved._

"I…I have no idea what you're talking about," I state as I grab my script and stand up from the couch. I walk to my bedroom and I can feel Kurt right on my heels.

"Cut the act, Rachel. What's going on?"

I slip my script into my bag for tomorrow and move to my dresser, quickly throwing my hair up into a ponytail. Kurt sits down on my bed and watches me, obviously waiting for me to answer him.

Once my hair is secured I turn and look at him, shrugging to brush off his question. "Nothing is going on. I've just been busy."

"Too busy for Finn? Come on, Rachel."

I look down at my hands and fiddle with my fingers, wishing that Kurt didn't always see through my lies.

"Well, I mean, it could have something to do with the fact that Quinn Fabray told me that I didn't belong in Finn's life anymore and to stay away from her boyfriend, but that's just a guess." I shrug again before turning back to the mirror above my dresser.

"What!?" I see Kurt's jaw drop through my mirror and answer him with a nod.

"Oh yeah. She was all business and cut to the chase awfully quick. I think I got the message loud and clear."

"Screw Quinn, Rachel! She's just threatened by your friendship with Finn. Do you really think that he's just going to let you walk out of his life that easy. I can answer that for you. No, he's not."

I turn to face him again. "Then what do you suggest I do, Kurt?"

"I suggest you tell Quinn to shove her threat up her ass and continue talking to Finn."

"It's not that easy."

"I think that it is. You're a winner, Rachel. Don't let Quinn take away your trophy."


	8. Chapter 8

**Rachel**

My phone rings again and I look over to see Finn calling me for the third time today. I know that I should probably answer because I haven't talked to him in over a week, but I still can't get Quinn's snobby voice out of my head. As much as I would like to tell her to get over herself, there's a part of me that is holding onto the idea that Finn will actually be a lot happier if I took myself out of the picture. He wouldn't have me running to him with my problems and only adding more stress to his life.

I know that Finn won't just let me walk out of his life without putting up a fight, but there's a part of me that wishes that he would.

"We're here, miss," my cab driver informs me, breaking my thoughts.

"Thank you," I say as I pass him my fair and step out of the cab.

I'm currently standing in front of a beautiful building where I am scheduled to meet Michael. I smile to myself as I make my way inside, feeling a comfortable heat hit me once I'm through the door. I look around the lobby and notice some pictures hanging of various Broadway stars.

"Excuse me, ma'am?" A woman says suddenly, causing me to turn in her direction. "Are you here for the auditions?"

"Actually, I'm here to help Mr. Mayer. My name is Rachel Berry."

A wide smile forms on the woman's lips upon hearing my name. "Oh, of course! Come with me, please." She turns and leads me through a door into a decent sized room. I see Michael sitting behind a table with a few other individuals.

Michael stands when he sees me and smiles. "Rachel! It's great to see you. I'm glad you could make it today."

I make my way over to the table and give him a small hug. "Of course. I wouldn't miss this for the world," I say.

Michael turns in the direction of the rest of the people sitting at the table and gestures to each of them. "Rachel, this is Steven Sater, Bill T. Jones, Susan Hilferty, and Christine Jones. They will be part of our production team to bring this show alive."

"It's nice to meet all of you," I say as I shake all of their hands. This all still feels like a dream.

"Go ahead and take a seat," Michael says, gesturing to the empty seat next to him.

I thank him and sit down, taking off my coat in order to get more comfortable.

"So did you have the chance to read through the script?" Michael asks.

I nod excitedly. "I did. I actually read through it a couple of times. It's absolutely amazing." I really couldn't ask for a better show to be a part of.

Michael beams over at me. "Great! I'm so glad to hear that. I'm sure Steven is too considering he wrote the book and lyrics." He pauses to smile over at Steven. "We're going to be auditioning a few gentlemen today for the role of Melchior Gabor, who as we all know will be playing Rachel's romantic interest." Michael winks at me.

I laugh lightly, knowing that my relationship with Melchior is anything but romantic really.

"Right. Let's get started. Janet, bring in the first actor please!"

Each actor trying out for the role begins with their song and then performs a small excerpt from the script. Michael must have wanted to test the men's ability to convey emotion because he asks each of them to perform Melchior's reaction upon finding Wendla's grave.

If the actor has performed both well the they get the chance to run through a scene with me. However, none of them have wowed Michael, or any of us, to get the chance to actually work with me. It really is interesting to be on the other side of the table during an audition, especially because this is Broadway.

After three hours of back-to-back auditions, we only have one more actor to see. I can tell that Michael is disappointed by all the other men who came to audition, and I can't blame him. None of those actors screamed Melchior Gabor to me either.

"This is the last one, sir," Janet says as she holds the door open for a man.

_Woah. He's hot._

I feel a small smile form on my lips as the man makes his way in front of us. He holds himself in a confident manner that doesn't seem arrogant or cocky.

"How are you doing today?" Michael asks the man with a smile. I can't help but think that Michael likes what he sees as well.

"I'm doing quite well. How about yourself?" the man asks, seeming completely as ease.

"Fine, fine," Michael says as he shuffles through some papers. "So we're just going to jump right into everything. Please slate your name and the piece that you'll be singing today."

"Jesse St. James. I'll be singing Being Alive from the Broadway show, Company."

I grow excited when I hear Jesse's song choice. I've heard Kurt sing it endless amounts of times and have always been in love with it.

"Great, Jesse. Whenever you're ready."

Jesse nods and smiles before taking a few deep breaths.

_Someone to hold you too close,  
Someone to hurt you too deep,  
Someone to sit in your chair,  
To ruin your sleep._

Someone to need you too much,  
Someone to know you too well,  
Someone to pull you up short  
And put you through hell.

Someone you have to let in,  
Someone whose feelings you spare,  
Someone who, like it or not,  
Will want you to share  
A little, a lot.

Someone to crowd you with love,  
Someone to force you to care,  
Someone to make you come through,  
Who'll always be there,  
As frightened as you  
Of being alive,  
Being alive,  
Being alive,  
Being alive.

Somebody, hold me too close,  
Somebody, hurt me too deep,  
Somebody, sit in my chair  
And ruin my sleep  
And make me aware  
Of being alive,  
Being alive.

Somebody, need me too much,  
Somebody, know me too well,  
Somebody, pull me up short  
And put me through hell  
And give me support  
For being alive,  
Make me alive,  
Make me alive,  
Make me confused,  
Mock me with praise,  
Let me be used,  
Vary my days.  
But alone is alone, not alive.

Somebody, crowd me with love,  
Somebody, force me to care,  
Somebody, let me come through,  
I'll always be there,  
As frightened as you,  
To help us survive  
Being alive,  
Being alive,  
Being alive!

At some point during Jesse's song I began to cry and my eyes are still damp with tears. I hear Michael begin laughing and everyone else sniffling as we all begin clapping.

"That was remarkable, young man," Michael says as he wipes his eyes. He then begins to shuffle through his papers again.

Jesse smiles as a thank you to Michael. I notice Jesse's eyes glance over to me for a second before focusing on Michael again.

"Right," Michael says as he his clears his throat. "Now let's get into the acting portion. I believe you're aware you will be performing the scene where Melchior is in the graveyard?"

Jesse nods, "Yes sir."

"Alright, Jesse. Once again, whenever you're ready."

Jesse nods once again before walking away. I lift a brow because I think he's leaving at first, but then he stops and turns back towards the room.

Suddenly, he jogs across the room 'til he is in front of us again.

"Wendla?" He yells, beginning the scene. As soon as he says his first line I feel a tingle grow in my stomach.

_He is Melchior._

I relax in my seat as I watch the rest of Jesse's scene.

"Oh my God. Wendla, too? No. No. No…" He doubles over and begins crying heavily, mourning over the death of my character.

Again I'm crying, feeling like breaking down along with him.

Jesse slowly stands up and smiles through his tears as we clap once again.

"I'll be damned. That was amazing," Michael says. I look over to find everyone else crying as well. "Rachel?" Michael looks over at me. "Would you mind doing a reading with Jesse for us?"

I smile back at him and wipe my eyes a little. "I would love to." I stand up from my seat and move towards Jesse.

Standing up straight, I offer him a warm smile and my hand. "Hello, I'm Rachel Berry. It's very nice to meet you."

Jesse returns my smile and shakes my hand. "It's a pleasure, Ms. Berry." We both retract our hands and I quickly hand him a script.

"We'll be doing a reading from act one, scene five. Take a few minutes to read it and then we'll do a run through."

Jesse smiles and nods before looking down at his script, beginning to read through the scene.

"Rachel, could you come over here for just a moment," Michael asks, waving me over.

I make my way over to him. "Yes?"

"I don't want you to hold back. Give him all you got, okay?" Michael says, a wide smile spreading across his face.

I nod. "Got it."

"Alright. Ready to go, Jesse?" Michael asks.

I turn to look at Jesse, smiling when I see him nod.

"Yes sir."

"Great. Take it away, kids."

Simultaneously, Jesse and I both take our starting position. I walk towards him before stopping a few feet away.

"Melchior Gabor?"

He turns to look at me and looks surprised to see me. "Wendla Bergmann?"

We continue our scene and I instantly lose myself. I don't know where Wendla Bergmann ends and Rachel Berry begins. It's a great feeling and I'm surprised how easy working with Jesse is. It's like we've been doing it for years.

When Michael calls scene, Jesse and I look at each other for a second and I watch as he winks at me, completely taking me by surprise.

Everyone at the table claps again and Jesse and I turn our attention toward them.

"Thank you, Jesse. We'll let you know," Michael says with a smile.

Jesse smiles back at him and everyone else at the table. "Thank you all." He then turns back to me. "Thank you, Ms. Berry."

I smile back at him. Without another word, Janet leads Jesse out of the room and I can't help but wonder if I'll see him again.

I join everyone back at the table and smooth out my skirt as we all exchange looks.

"Well, ladies and gentlemen. I believe we just doing our Melchior Gabor."

**Finn**

My leg shakes uncontrollably as I continuously check the clock hanging on Kurt and Rachel's wall.

"Would you relax?" Kurt says as he sits down next to me, placing a hand on my bouncing leg.

"I shouldn't be here. She doesn't want to see me."

Kurt rolls his eyes. "She always wants to see you She just feels like she can't,"

"What do you mean?" I ask, raising a brow.

Suddenly, I hear the front door unlock and turn to see Rachel walk in.

"Kurt! I'm so glad you're home!" She turns her back to us and begins unbuttoning her coat. "Today was absolutely amazing!" She gets her coat off and hangs it on the coat rack next to the door. "There was this phenomenal guy who-" Rachel cuts herself off as she turns around to face us, noticing me for the first time. Her face falls and she freezes, looking completely freaked out.

Kurt looks over to me and gives me an awkward smile. "Why don't you ask her yourself?" He stands from his spot on the couch and makes his way to his bedroom. "You kids have fun!"

Rachel and I continue to sit in silence as we hear Kurt's bedroom door close. Rachel folds her arms and walks a little more into the living room.

"Ask me what exactly?"

I lick my lips and rub my hands together, trying to find the right words.

"Oh, you know. Just why you've been avoiding me for the past week…" I trail off. Rachel presses her lips into a thin line.

"I've just been…busy," she says. I lift a brow at her immediately.

"Seriously?" I ask, refusing to believe she's reluctant to contact me because she has been busy.

Rachel doesn't say anything and just stares at me, showing that she's obviously lying.

She shakes her head at me and heads for her room. "I don't want to do this right now, Finn."

I quickly stand and grab her hand as she passes me, turning to face me.

"Stop," she says quickly, trying to pull away from me.

"Why are you doing this?" I ask, desperate to understand why she feels the need to walk out of my life.

"Why don't you ask Quinn?" Rachel asks, clenching her jaw slightly.

I furrow my brow. "Quinn? What does Quinn have…" I trail off, suddenly realizing something. "She said something to you when you two had lunch last week, didn't she?"

Rachel slowly nods at me and I feel my heart race.

_How dare Quinn try to push Rachel out of my life yet again._

"And you listened to her?" I ask, my voice expressing my annoyance.

Rachel shrugs. "Well, yeah. She is your girlfriend."

"But you're my best friend!" I raise my voice, letting go of Rachel's hand.

"Girlfriends triumphant over best friends, Finn. She made it very clear that I don't belong here."

"Not in this situation they don't!" I raise my voice more, feeling my anger grow. "I can't believe that you think I would choose Quinn over you!"

"Chose, Finn! Chose! You already chose her over me!" Rachel fires back at me, raising her voice to my level.

My stomach suddenly drops and I stare at Rachel for a moment. "What are you talking about?"

"Just forget it," Rachel says. Her voice breaks and I see tears in her eyes as she looks down at the ground.

"No, Rachel," I take a step toward her. "What are you talking about?"

Rachel looks up at me with an annoyed expression, tears coating her eyes.

_Say it, Rach. Say that you love me._

Rachel searches my eyes and I see her features begin to soften. My eyes flicker down to her full lips before meeting her eyes again. I can tell she knows exactly what I'm thinking and it's as if she's telling me to go ahead. However, neither of us moves.

Suddenly, my phone begins to ring, making both of us jump. I pull my phone out of my pocket and check the caller ID, seeing Quinn's name light up my screen.

"You should go," Rachel says, causing me to look up at her. "She may need you."

Without another word, Rachel turns away from me and walks off to her bedroom, leaving me alone in her living room. I stare down at my phone again, knowing fully well that it is the sole reason I'm not kissing Rachel right now.


	9. Chapter 9

**Rachel**

"We want to congratulate you all on a job well done. You all are extremely talented and I couldn't ask for a better cast to bring this show to life," Michael says, smiling at all of us proudly.

We all cheer and smile at one another, obviously excited and relieved to have been chosen to be a part of the original cast.

I look around at all of the other actors around me. There's only one face I recognize and I feel a shy smile play on my lips as we make eye contact. I may be crazy, but the chemistry between Jesse St. James and me feels ancient and a part of me is drawn to him. A sting of guilt runs through me as I think of Finn. We haven't spoken in two days and the last time we did talk there was definitely something going on between us that we both weren't willing to admit.

I shouldn't feel guilty about being curious about Jesse though. Finn is with Quinn and they're currently expecting a baby. It has been a long seven years of strict friendship between Finn and me, so I should be free to go after someone new if I want to, right?...But who even says if anything is going to happen between Jesse and me? I glance over at Jesse again and find him staring at me still. He smiles warmly at me, which I instantly return.

_This can't just be me being crazy, right?_

After everyone receives their scripts and we do a read through of the entire show, besides the musical numbers, we are all free to leave.

"I want you all here at eight in the morning tomorrow to begin rehearsal. We're going to talk through scenes, block, do some character building exercises, and maybe dabble into some of the music pieces. So make sure you're well rested and ready to go. Especially you; Wendla, Melchior, and Moritz."

I nod to Michael as I stand from my chair, slipping on my coat. I walk out with another girl who introduces herself as NAME and will be playing NAME. She's supposed to be one of my character's close friends. Once we exit the practice room, we say our goodbyes and I stop to sit on a bench in the lobby. I figure that I should call Kurt to tell him how my first official day went and let him know I'm on my way home.

I pull my phone out of my bag and see my screensaver glowing up at me, causing me to freeze. It's a picture of Finn and me at Sardis on Kurt's birthday. We're both laughing and completely lost in one another. I press my lips into a line and unlock my phone, quickly clicking on Finn's name and pressing the phone to my ear. He doesn't answer the phone and it's my turn to leave him an awkward voicemail.

"Hey, Finn. It's me. I was just calling to talk to you about the other night." I pause for a moment and let out a small sigh. "I don't want to fight anymore, Finn. I was stupid for thinking that I could just walk out of your life, but after Quinn told me…" I stop again. "Look, I would rather discuss this with you, so if you could give me a call back as soon as possible…I would really appreciate it." I hang up the phone and stare at my screensaver once again, hoping that he will call me back.

"Is that your boyfriend?" I hear someone next to me say, causing me to jump. I look up to find Jesse St. James smiling down at me, causing my heart to race.

_How long has he been standing there?_

I shake my head. "No, he's just a friend."

Jesse walks to the other side of me and sits down on the bench. "Well, it seems like you're awfully upset at this friend," Jesse points out.

I shrug. "We've just been friends for a long time and things have been a little complicated between us lately."

Jesse nods. I don't know why I'm telling him all of this, but for some reason it feels right. It feels like we've been friends for years and telling him my business is just normal.

"I'm sure you two will sort it out," he reassures me, which causes me to smile over at him.

"Thanks."

Jesse nods again. "I have to say, Ms. Berry, you have amazing acting chops. I think we made a great team at my audition, and I think we're going to make an even better team as time goes on."

My smile widens and I tuck some hair behind my hair. "Yeah, I think so too. Based on your vocal range I think that our voices are compatible as well, which should make the duets strong."

Jesse chuckles. "I have yet to hear you sing, but based on your speaking voice I can tell that you can reach an upper Soprano. I look forward to hearing you sing tomorrow, if Michael allows it."

The more I talk to Jesse, the more I like him. It's obvious that we both share the same passion and seriousness about theatre, which makes connecting with him even easier. He actually knows what he's talking about unlike a lot of theatre snobs.

Jesse suddenly stands from the bench. "I have to be at a dinner with an old director at seven. Walk out with me?" He holds his hand out to me and I smile as I take it.

As we walk, Jesse looks over to me and let's a small smile take over his lips. "Barbra Streisand."

"What?" I ask, feeling excitement run through me as he mentions the woman I have looked up to since before I was born.

"I was trying to figure out who you reminded me of. Then it hit me. You're like a young Barbra Streisand."

My smile grows. "Wow, you have no idea how much that means to me.

Jesse returns my wide smile. "Well, it's true. It must be the talent, take no prisoners attitude, and…the nose."

My smile fades slightly as I look up at him, knowing that my nose is definitely not my best quality. I've been insulted because of it my entire life.

"Which I really like by the way," Jesse says as his expression becomes more serious and he searches my eyes.

A shy smile falls on my lips. I know that he's probably just being nice, but it's still nice to hear. I haven't been genuinely complimented on my looks by anyone other than Kurt, Finn, and my dads in a long time.

We finally exit the theatre and Jesse turns to me, offering a warm smile. "I'll see you tomorrow, Ms. Berry?"

I nod. "And please, call me Rachel."

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow, Rachel," he says. The way he says my name sends a shiver down my spine and I'm a bit surprised when he leans over and presses a soft kiss to my cheek.

I nod again, completely unsure what to say. With one more smile, Jesse turns around and makes his way down the street, walking with an attractive confidence.

_Holy cow. Did that just happen? He likes my nose and he kissed me on the cheek!_

I smile to myself as I turn in the opposite direction that Jesse has gone and start towards home.

_He's going to be a lot more than kissing you on the cheek in the show, so you better get used to it._

**Finn**

I feel a wave of hope hit me as I listen to Rachel's voicemail. I'm relieved that she contacted me this time rather than the other way around. I don't want to fight with Rachel anymore either and this whole up and down situation is getting exhausting. Rachel and I have rarely fought in the last seven years, but now it feels like we've been doing nothing but fighting.

I'm about to hit the call back button when I hear my front door open, causing me to lift a brow in confusion. I haven't been expecting anyone and the only person who just lets herself in like that is Rachel.

_Rachel!_

I jump up from my couch and jog toward the front door to find Quinn standing there instead.

"Hello, handsome," she says as she takes off her coat and walks toward me. Even though I'm slightly disappointed I let small smile fall on my lips, which instantly fades when I realize something.

"What's wrong?" She asks as she furrows her brow and stops in front of me. She leans up to kiss me, but I pull away.

"What did you say to Rachel last week at lunch?" I ask, keeping my face completely straight.

Quinn's eyes grow wide for a moment before narrowing. She waves me off and walks off toward the kitchen. "Nothing. Let's not start this again, Finn."

"This isn't just something that you can walk away from, Quinn," I say, causing her to turn back towards me. She folds her arms and looks highly impatient. "I thought we had an understanding. You weren't going to meddle and continuously try to push Rachel out of my life."

"No, we agreed that we weren't going to fight anymore. So we're not going to," Quinn turns away again and I can feel myself get heated.

"God damnit, Quinn! I'm trying to talk to you!"

Quinn snaps around. "What if I don't want to talk!? I'm tired of talking about her! What is so special about her, Finn!?"

I'm a bit taken back by Quinn's words, but don't let my guard down. "We wouldn't have to talk about her if you would stop being so insecure and accept that she's my best friend!"

Quinn looks like she suddenly wants to claw at my face. I know that she hates it when people say she's insecure or jealous. She doesn't want to believe that she has a reason to be jealous of other people and they should all be jealous of her.

"No. We wouldn't have to talk about her if you weren't so head over heels for her!"

I feel my face fall as Quinn's words sink in. I hate that she's right, but I also don't want to admit that she is.

Quinn's eyes suddenly fill with tears and her voice breaks with each word. "I love you, Finn."

I look down at the ground and search the hardwood, trying to think of what to do or say.

"You don't look at me the way you look at her. Whenever you look at me, hold me, kiss me, or are intimate with me I know that you wish it was her."

I look up and meet Quinn's tear filled eyes again.

"I just want to feel loved. I want you to love me the way that you love her." She sniffles a few times, gaining more composure. "I can get over your feelings for Rachel, Finn. I'm willing to do that for you. I just want you to do the same for me."

I clench my jaw, trying to think of what to say. I want to deny the fact that I love Rachel, but I can't bring myself to do it. I know that if Quinn wasn't currently carrying my baby that I would be out the door, but my life always has to be more complicated than that.

I sigh, "Okay."

**Rachel**

"I feel like I've known him for years," I tell Kurt as we sit at our favorite coffee shop. I'm still on a high from talking with Jesse and a wide smile has been painted on my face since I said goodbye to him. "He knows his stuff about theatre and singing. It's very admirable," I say, taking another sip of my coffee.

"He sounds great, Rach. Just what you need to get over your feelings for Finn," Kurt says, waiting to see my reaction.

I press my lips firmly together, my smile suddenly forgotten. "Well, I wouldn't say he's going to help me get over my feelings for Finn. It's just nice to see someone appreciate my talents and my looks instead of-"

"Quinn's," Kurt states, taking a drink of his own coffee.

"No!"

"Face it, Rachel. It felt good to get a compliment because you were the one receiving it and not Quinn."

I shrug and look down at my cup. "Well…kind of. It just felt good to be complimented at all though. No one else likes my nose."

"I love your nose," Kurt says gently, causing me to look up at him. "And so does Finn."

I sigh and roll my eyes at him. "What's so wrong with me being interested in another guy?"

"Nothing," Kurt shrugs. "I just hate that you and Finn are obviously meant to be together yet you're both off with other people."

"Would you please stop saying that Finn and I are meant to be together? I know that you're a firm believer of soul mates, but some of us don't have it as good as you and Blaine."

"You could if you would just stop denying yourself what you really want," Kurt reasons, knowing that he's completely right.

I scowl at him and check my cell phone, suddenly remembering the voicemail that I left for Finn. He hasn't responded at all, which I somewhat expected.

"No word from Finn?"

I shake my head. "I'm sure he's just busy. Teaching high school students is a time consuming job. He'll probably call me back in the next hour or so."

"Do you really believe that?" Kurt lifts a brow at me.

I sigh. "No. I have no idea when I'll hear from him and it's killing me."

"What goes around comes around, huh?"

I scowl at Kurt again and suddenly my phone begins to ring. "See. That's probably him now!" I look down at the caller ID to see Quinn's name lighting up on the screen.

_What could she want?_

I click the answer button and put my phone to my ear. "Hello?"

Kurt furrows his brow at me. "Finn?" He mouths.

I shake my head and mouth back, "Quinn."

Kurt's eyes grow wide and he shakes his head before taking a big drink of his coffee.

"Hey, Rachel. I just wanted to give you a call and apologize for the other day at lunch. I was having a bad day and I guess my pregnancy hormones were getting out of hand."

"Uh huh," I say, unsure of what Quinn is getting at.

"I really do respect your friendship with Finn and I want you to know that I'm perfectly okay with you two hanging out. I shouldn't have tried to put myself in the middle of you two. It really wasn't fair of me."

I furrow my brow and try to comprehend everything Quinn is saying. _Where is this all coming from?_

"Anyway, as an apology I wanted to invite you and Kurt to Champs this Saturday to have some drinks with Finn and me. We thought it would be nice to just get out and have a stress free night. Are you in?"

_Did someone put a spell on Quinn Fabray?_ "Uh…yeah. We'll be there."

"Great! I'll see you soon! Bye, Rach."

"Bye." I hang up my phone and stare at it for a moment, feeling completely dumbfounded.

"What was that all about?" Kurt asks.

"Quinn apologized and asked us to go to Champs with her and Finn on Saturday," I say, looking up at him slowly.

"Evil, manipulating skank," Kurt says, shaking his head in disapproval.


	10. Chapter 10

**I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has been reading my story and to those who have decided to follow this story! It really means a lot to me and I love reading your reviews, so thank you for those as well. Cory's/Finn's tribute episode is tonight and I know that I am going to be left even more heartbroken after watching it. Finn and Rachel have always been my favorite characters and I will always love them no matter what. Cory is an amazing man and I will always miss him and admire him for everything that he did throughout his life. I hope that everyone else out there who is part of the Glee fandom or who just love Cory stay strong and know that we're all here for each other. I love you, Cory and Finn. Thank you.**

* * *

**Rachel**

The next few days seem to fly by and before I know it it's Saturday. I have been so wrapped up in rehearsal that I haven't had time for anything else really. We didn't get the chance to start working on any of the music for the show because of character development workshops, but Michael promised we would start jumping into the musical numbers on Monday.

I have managed to talk to Finn a few times in the past few days, but there's something that seems stiff in our conversations. It's as if he's holding back or something, which causes me to do the same due to my skepticism. However, I try to focus on the fact that Finn and I are talking, which is a step up from a few days ago. My phone call with Quinn still bothers me though and I have a feeling she's the one to blame for Finn being so restrained.

I have been continuously dreading Saturday since Quinn mentioned her plans, but I didn't want to turn her down. I wanted to see if she had actually changed and was going to make an effort to make peace with me. It could just be another one of her plans to get on Finn's good side and she could be spitting insults at me behind his back again.

I'm walking out of rehearsal when my phone begins to ring.

"Hey, Kurt. I'm just leaving rehearsal now. I'll be home soon so I can change and we can head over to Champs."

I hear a lot of background noise from Kurt's end, making me slightly confused. "Yeah…about that, Rach. Blaine flew in to surprise me and he has a romantic evening planned out. I didn't know he was going to do any of this and I can't just ditch him."

I feel the color drain from my face. "So I have to go to Champs by myself and be a third wheel to Quinn and Finn?"

"I'm really sorry, Rachel. I can ask Blaine if we can go to Champs instead."

"No, no. It's okay. I'll be fine. You two enjoy your evening together and I'll see you later tonight, okay?"

"Thank you. I love you. Try not to let the witch take shots at you."

I laugh lightly, feeling the wave of panic still swarming over me. "I'll try. I love you too. Bye."

I hang up my phone and let out a big sigh, wondering how I'm possibly supposed to get through this night.

"Everything okay?"

I jump and turn to see Jesse standing behind me, looking like a model with his hands slid into his pockets.

_What is with him and always sneaking up on me?_

I shrug. "Yeah, I'm fine. My best friend just cancelled on me and now I have to be a third wheel to my other best friend and his girlfriend who despises me."

"Yikes. Sounds like everyone's worst nightmare."

I nod and sigh once again. "I can't cancel though. I'm trying to make amends with her and that won't happen if I make some excuse not to go."

Jesse shrugs. "Is there anyone else who could go with you?"

I shake my head slowly, realizing that I would most likely ask Finn in this situation, but that didn't apply in this situation. Suddenly, I stop shaking my head and realize something. It's a little bit of a shot in the dark, but I decided to take a chance.

"Unless…you would like to go with me," I say, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

I expect Jesse to get freaked out and make some sort of excuse, but instead he shoots me a wide smile. "I would love to go."

I'm surprised that Jesse has actually accepted my invitation, but I just simply smile at him. "Great! I have to go change first. You could come over or just meet me there if you have to take care of anything."

Jesse shakes his head. "Nope. I'm completely free. I could just come with you…if that's alright?"

I nod and smile widely at him. "Of course!" I pause and look down to check the time on my phone. "We should probably go. We're supposed to meet them at eight." Referring to Jesse and I as we gives me slight butterflies. I know that I'm probably getting ahead of myself, but I choose not to care.

Jesse holds his hand out for me to take, "Shall we?"

I smile as I slide my hand into his, feeling excited yet nervous where this night might lead.

**Finn**

I sit at the bar with Quinn, waiting for Rachel and Kurt to arrive. It's strange to think that last time I was here Rachel was drunk enough to kiss me and turn our worlds upside down. That was also the night that Quinn and I slept together and created a whole other problem together. I try to shake those sort of thoughts out of my head as I feel Quinn's hand touch my knee.

"You look really handsome tonight," she says sweetly with a small smile forming on her lips.

I return her smile. "Thank you. You look beautiful." I'm really trying to make things better with Quinn. I know that my feelings for Rachel make that more complicated and the fact that Quinn was basically threatening Rachel behind my back still makes my skin crawl, but there are just too many issues all at once. I need to stop being such an asshole and get my feelings straight and I know that Burt and my mom would say that would involve being a man and devoting myself to Quinn.

I lean over to Quinn and press and gentle kiss again her cheek, playing up our relationship more. I know that I will never be able to look at her or love her like I do Rachel, which I know Quinn wants, but I'm still trying to be a good boyfriend.

"Hey, guys," I hear Rachel's sweet voice ring through my ears and I pull away from Quinn, looking at Rachel. I smile at her, but instantly let it falter when I notice Kurt is not the one at her side.

"This is Jesse St. James," Rachel smiles over to the man standing next to her. "Jesse, this is my best friend, Finn Hudson, and his girlfriend, Quinn Fabray."

"It's so great to meet you!" Quinn says as she reaches over to shake his hand.

Jesse turns to me and holds out his hand, which I take and firmly shake. _Who is this guy?_

"Jesse and I work together. He's playing the male lead in the show," Rachel informs us as she smiles proudly over at Jesse.

"That's fantastic!" Quinn says excitedly. I find it odd that she seems so happy that Jesse is here before I make the connection. She probably assumes that Jesse is more than a friend to Rachel and is hopeful that their relationship will put distance between Rachel and me.

Jesse smiles over at Quinn as him and Rachel take a seat at the bar stools next to us. "It has been a fantastic experience so far. Especially because I get to work with someone as amazing and talented as Rachel." Jesse smiles over at Rachel and she returns it with her own shy smile.

I could punk the guy's lights out and I know it's all because I'm jealous of his sudden friendship with Rachel.

"So are your characters brother and sister in the show or something?" I ask, taking a drink of my beer.

Rachel shakes her head. "No. Actually our characters are supposed to be romantically involved, but it's sort of a complicated relationship," she laughs.

Jesse laughs as well. "You can say that again."

_Of course they're romantically involved. That's just my luck._

"I can't wait to see the show," Quinn voices. "When exactly is it opening?"

"Five weeks," Rachel informs her. "You have to work fast when it's Broadway."

"Well I'm sure you'll manage," Quinn says sweetly as she takes a sip of her drink.

"So, uh, do you guys want a drink?" I ask, hoping to change the subject.

Rachel and Jesse shake their heads simultaneously.

"It's not really good for your voice," Jesse says.

Rachel smiles widely over at him.

"Usually I try to avoid alcohol and milk when preparing for a role. I find it keeps my vocal chords more clear," Jesse reasons.

"I do the same thing!" Rachel says. They both exchange a smile and I swear I could throw up.

"It's like you two were meant for each other," I say sarcastically. The comment slips out before I have time to stop it.

Jesse seems to shrug off my comment, but Rachel lifts a brow at me, obviously annoyed by the remark.

"So are you two going to sing any karaoke tonight?" Quinn asks, steering the conversation in a new direction.

Jesse looks over at Rachel with an excited smile. "How about it, Rach? You feeling up for some karaoke?"

_Rach? Seriously? Who the hell does this guy think he is?_

I clench my jaw and attempt to focus my attention elsewhere as I drink my beer. I can feel Rachel's eyes burn against the side of my face.

"Yes," Rachel replies suddenly, making my head snap in her direction. She smiles sweetly at Jesse. "I would love to," she says as she takes his hand and leads him up to the stage.

I turn away from them and face the bar as they choose their song. Over the past seven years I have never seen Rachel with another guy. She has called me crying when she had a horrible date or something along those lines, but there was never anything serious. Seeing her with Jesse now is seriously painful and I can only imagine it going downhill from here.

"Hello, my name is Jesse St. James and this is the lovely Rachel Berry," I hear Jesse's voice come through the speakers causing me to roll my eyes.

"We're going to be in a new Broadway musical called Spring Awakening that opens in November."

Everyone begins to cheer and I sigh to myself. I know that I need to swallow my jealousy and be happy for Rachel right now. I know it's selfish of me to give Rachel crap because of Jesse, but there's something inside of me that just can't help but be annoyed by their relationship.

"We thought that we would give you guys a little sneak peak tonight by singing a song we both enjoy and we hope you do as well," Jesse says before nodding to the guy to play the music.

I slowly turn around and sigh to myself, knowing that I need to try to be supportive and cool because Quinn is probably noticing my small temper tantrum.

The music starts and I feel my stomach sink.

_(Jesse)__  
__I've been alone with you inside my mind__  
__And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times__  
__I sometimes see you pass outside my door__  
__Hello, is it me you're looking for?__(Rachel and Jesse)__  
__I can see it in your eyes__  
__I can see it in your smile__  
__You're all I've ever wanted__  
__And my arms are open wide__  
__Cause you know just what to say__  
__And you know just what to do__  
__And I want to tell you so much__  
__I love you__oooh yeaah__(Jesse)__  
__I long to see the sunlight in your hair__  
__(Rachel)__  
__And tell you time and time again how much I care__  
__(Rachel and Jesse)__  
__Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow__  
__Hello, I've just got to let you know__  
__'Cause I wonder where you are__  
__And I wonder what you do__  
__Are you somewhere feeling lonely__  
__Or is someone loving you?__  
__Tell me how to win your heart__  
__For I haven't got a clue__  
__But let me start by saying, I love you__(Rachel and Jesse)__  
__Is it me you're looking for?__  
__'Cause I wonder where you are__  
__And I wonder what you do__  
__(wonder what you do)__  
__Are you somewhere feeling lonely__  
__Or is someone loving you?__  
__Tell me how to win your heart__  
__For I haven't got a clue__  
__But let me start by sayin__  
__I love you_

I swallow hard as the song ends and feel my eyes slightly glaze over. The whole bar all join in on a giant uproar for Jesse and Rachel, even Quinn is standing up from her bar stool cheering for them. As I sit there, I begin to block out everyone until I feel like I'm sitting alone on the edge of a cliff. My whole world feels like it is caving in one me and I am slowly losing oxygen.

_You knew that you loved her for seven years and you never said anything. Now you have a pregnant girlfriend and Rachel is off with some hot shot about to live out her dream with him. You're nothing, Finn Hudson._

As the cheering continues I can feel myself getting closer and closer to the edge, seconds away from falling off.

Suddenly, I feel a hand hit my back and shake my head, casting away my thoughts.

"Wasn't that amazing!?" Quinn asks, a huge smile across her face. She is eating all of this up. Each moment Rachel is being pulled farther and farther away from my grasp.

"Yeah," I say quietly. "It was something else."

Rachel smiles proudly at everyone else in the room, avoiding my eyes completely. She then turns and claps for Jesse just as she had done for Kurt weeks back. I feel a pain hit my chest as I see Rachel's attention pointed toward someone else who isn't me.

_You're being ridiculous. You need to man the hell up. If she's going to move on then you need to fight fire with fire. Remember what you promised Quinn? You're supposed to be there for her and ignore your feelings for Rachel._

I nod to myself and roll out my shoulders a little. I know that I need to put on a whole new show entirely, one that I'm not exactly excited about.

**Rachel**

"Wow," I say to Jesse as the clapping starts to die down. "You're very talented."

"We're very talented," he corrects me as he shoots me a charming smile. I can't help but let a large smile spread across my face.

I had assumed that Jesse and I would sound good together, but the actual outcome was better than expected. It made me even more excited to start rehearsing our musical numbers and just become closer to Jesse in general. It was as if he were a long lost friend.

Jesse holds out his hand and I take it as we walk off the stage. We say nothing as we walk back to the bar together, but the silence is comfortable. That is, until we reach Finn and Quinn again. Quinn is beaming at both of us and claps once again.

"That was great! You guys sound perfect together!" She exclaims. Quinn being nice to me is something that I'm definitely going to have to get used to. Especially because I assumed she would still take shots at me despite her peace offering the other night. I hadn't expected Finn to be the one who would be acting so cold.

"Thank you," I smile over to Quinn, then letting my eyes wander over to Finn. He surprises me by letting a large smile take over his lips. It's the same goofy smile that made it so easy for me to fall for him all those years ago. Even with Jesse's hand in mine it makes my heart skip a beat.

"That really was something else. I can't wait to see the numbers for the show," Finn says as he slips an arm around Quinn. Quinn smiles up at Finn and I realize why she seems so chipper tonight. Jesse and I coming here together gives her hope that Finn and I won't be as close anymore. I can safely assume she knows there are feelings between Finn and myself. Feelings that I didn't know existed from Finn's side for seven years, but now I can conclude that they do.

"Thank you," Jesse says proudly. "I've never heard Rachel sing before tonight. She probably has the most beautiful voice I've ever heard." I smile up at Jesse as I feel him squeeze my hand. I feel so torn at the moment. Jesse is an amazing guy, but the man I love is also currently watching our every move.

"Don't I know it. She's the most talented person I know. She's a bright shining gold star," Finn says with a smile. His words take me off guard and I look down at the ground, feeling slightly overwhelmed. I'm not sure what angle he's playing anymore. One minute he's acting all jealous and mopey and now he's acting friendly and charming. I feel like he's just turning me in circles.

"Damn," Quinn says suddenly, making us all turn in her direction. "I just got a text from my boss. One of the stories got misplaced on her laptop and she needs help retrieving the file." Quinn sighs and looks up at Cory. "I have to go help her, baby."

Cory gives her a sweet smile back, which causes a jealous tingle to run through my body. "That's okay, sweetheart. I understand. Do you need me to go with you?"

Quinn shakes her head. "No, you stay here and have some fun. I can come over afterward if you'd like," Quinn says as she lifts her eyebrows in a suggestive manner.

"I would love that," Finn replies as he leans over and presses a hard kiss against her lips.

I suddenly feel very uncomfortable. Watching Finn and Quinn together has never been easy for me, but now I feel like Finn is throwing it all in my face. Normally Quinn would do that alone, but now Finn seems to feel the need to join in.

"I'll see you all later. It was great meeting you, Jesse," Quinn shakes Jesse's hand once again and gives me a hard hug.

"See you, Quinn," I say as she makes her way out of the bar.

I turn back and look up at Finn who is still smiling at Jesse and me. However, he seems slightly stiffer.

"So," Finn says as he eyes Jesse a little. "How long have you two known each other exactly?"

Jesse smiles down at me. "About a week ago."

"You two seem to be taking things awfully fast," Finn suggests.

I quickly turn to him and scowl. "Finn, knock it off."

"What?" He asks innocently as he puts his hands in the air.

"It's okay, Rach. I understand that he's your best friend and he's just looking out for you."

"Exactly!" Finn exclaims, trying to play dumb.

I glare over at Finn, fully aware that he's not just looking out for me.

"I should probably head out for the night though. We have rehearsal early tomorrow morning and I want to be well rested before we start talking about the blocking for the hay loft scene."

I blush a little, remembering the discussion about the hayloft scene earlier today at rehearsal. Jesse and I are supposed to get physical during that scene and it should be interesting to say the least.

"Walk out with me?" Jesse says with a smile. I nod to him and we begin to make our way out.

"I'll walk out with you guys. I need to head home too in case Quinn decides to come over."

Jesse smiles back at Finn and I try to keep my jealousy under control as we all walk out together.

When we reach the street Jesse turns to face me. "Thank you for inviting me tonight. I had a really good time."

I smile back at him, feeling Finn's eyes on me. "I had a good time as well. I'll see you at rehearsal tomorrow?"

"I look forward to it," Jesse says, leaning in to kiss my cheek just like he had done before.

"Alright! Come on, Rachel. We better go. Kurt's probably worried sick about you," Finn says as he begins to lead me away from Jesse.

"Finn, what the-" I begin to say, but he immediately cuts me off.

"Have a goodnight, Jesse! It was great meeting you!" Finn continues to lead me away and I turn to give Jesse an apologetic smile.

"Likewise," Jesse nods as he turns and gets into his taxi.

When he closes his door and the taxi pulls away I turn to Finn and push him away from me.

"What is your problem!?" I yell at him, completely annoyed with the stunt he just pulled.

"What's my problem? What's your problem, Rachel!? Bringing some guy you barely know to a bar. How irresponsible of you!"

I furrow my brow and shake my head at Finn. "Irresponsible? How was I being irresponsible? I knew that you and Quinn were here, Kurt cancelled on me, and so I invited Jesse. I'm sorry that I didn't want to be a third wheel while you and Quinn drool all over each other!"

"You know that we wouldn't do that to you!"

"Oh really, Finn? Because Quinn seems to find it necessary to be all over you every single time we all get together. Now it looks like you're just joining in!"

"I'm her boyfriend, Rachel!"

"You've been her boyfriend for the past four months and you never pulled anything like that before," I say as I shake my head.

Finn clenches his jaw and stares at me. "Why did you bring Jesse here tonight?"

"Because I like Jesse!"

Finn suddenly looks hurt and I swallow hard as I try not to give in.

"You like that guy? He's just some curly headed twinkle toes who's bound to break your heart!" Finn spits at me.

I feel my annoyance continue to grow. "No, guys like you are bound to break my heart, Finn. You already did." I don't yell at Finn, but there's a chill in my voice that obviously hits him.

Finn shakes his head. "You know that I have feelings for you, so why are you running off with this other guy?"

"Because you have Quinn! I'm not just going to sit here lonely and miserable while you two are off living happily ever after. It's not fair to me," I fire at him. He's obviously not getting the picture here.

"But I'm finally telling you how I feel. Doesn't that mean something?" He asks, equally as annoyed as me.

"You had seven years!" I yell. "I've loved you for seven years! You could have asked me at any point to be yours and I would have said yes!"

Finn looks at the ground, looking lost and confused.

"When it comes to you, Jesse doesn't even compare," I shake my head as tears begin to fill my eyes. "I've spent so much time waiting for you to tell me that you wanted me, but then the day that I actually believed that we might have a chance…you chose Quinn."

Finn looks back up at me, swallowing hard as if he's holding back his own tears.

"We had seven years, Finn," I sniffle. "You had so many opportunities to tell me that you had feelings for me…but you didn't," my voice breaks.

"Why didn't you ever say anything?"

I laugh as a few tears fall from my eyes. "What am I supposed to say, Finn? That I never got over our break up in our junior year of high school? That I feel like we're meant to be together?"

Finn swallows hard once again. "Yeah…I feel like we are too." His eyes are coated with tears now and it breaks my heart.

"We can't do this anymore," I state. "Quinn is having your baby."

"But I still love you, Rachel," Finn says as he takes a step towards me. I begin to cry harder as he wraps his arms around me. I bury my head into his chest and let him hold me as I listen to his heartbeat.

It had been years and I we had so many opportunities to tell one another that we loved each other, but we didn't. Now everything was so messy between us that we could never be together. The universe sure did like to keep us apart.

I pull away from Finn and look up at him.

"I love you too, Finn," my lip begins to tremble as I finally tell him the truth. However, I always pictured this moment being a lot happier. "But we're out of time…"

Finn searches my eyes. "I wish that I would have told you sooner," he whispers.

I nod. "Me too."

Finn leans down and plants a soft kiss against my lips, which I instantly return. When we break apart Finn places his hands on either side of my face.

"I love you, Rachel Berry. I always will."


	11. Chapter 11

**Rachel**

"When is the last time that you talked to Finn?" Kurt asks as he sits down on the couch next to me.

"Earlier today," I say as I flip through my script for Spring Awakening once again. Opening night is in a week and I can feel my nerves slowly creeping in more and more.

"About what?" I can hear the curiosity ringing in Kurt's voice.

I shrug and keep my attention focused on my script. "If you're thinking that we have some sort secret relationship going on then you're mistaken. It's just casual conversation about my show, his students, how Quinn's getting along, or other matters that have nothing to do with _us_."

Kurt grabs my script from my hands, making me turn my attention towards him.

"Hey!" I whine, trying to grab the script from him.

"Can you quit pretending like you're not even fazed by everything that happened between you and Finn? It's not just going to disappear if you ignore it."

I let out an annoyed sigh. "What do you want me to do, Kurt? Sit here and tell you how heartbroken I am? I think we can both tell that it feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest without me actually verbalizing it."

"You told each other that you loved one another. That has to mean something," Kurt reasons.

I shake my head and look down at my hands. "It should…but it doesn't." I slowly look up at him again. "Sometimes things just don't work out, and the only thing I can do now is push away my feelings and be supportive of his relationship with Quinn. Finn and I know that we love each other and that we'll always love each other, but we also know that we need to accept the fact that we're not going to be together."

Kurt shakes his head. "Rachel, that's not right."

I look down again and shrug. "It doesn't have to be right, fair, or whatever. But that's the way that it is."

"But you and Jesse have been going out for the past four weeks and you know how much that kills Finn."

I close my eyes as Kurt mentions that I'm hurting Finn. "We're both hurting. It's bound to hurt. Quinn is having his baby and that kills me."

Kurt grows silent and I suddenly feel his hand on my back. I open my eyes again and sigh.

"We made an agreement that we would both just let go and be happy for one another. He'll be with Quinn and I'll be Jesse."

"But it's a compromise!"

I nod, giving Kurt a serious look. "It's a compromise that we're both willing to make."

Kurt presses his lips firmly together and looks down. "Stupid, Quinn. If it weren't for her then none of this would have ever happened."

"You don't know that. Quinn could be the reason that Finn and I both decided to be honest with one another. Plus, Finn was trying to use her to get over me."

"But he could have just had you!"

"He didn't know that," I state. "It's funny. Finn and I were willing to be so open with one another except when it came to our feelings for each other. I think we both knew…we just doubted ourselves and each other."

Kurt nods. "Love is complicated."

I laugh, "You can say that again."

"So what about you and Jesse? How is that going?"

"Good…great actually. We get along really well and we enjoy each other's company. I like him a lot."

"Have you two…you know?"

I swallow hard and slowly nod. "Uh…yeah. We have. It was sort of necessary…for the show. I mean, our characters have to explore one another's bodies, so we thought it would make sense for us to do the same. Just so we are more comfortable for the show."

"That makes sense," Kurt voices. "How was he?"

I smack Kurt's arm and smile at him. "Kurt!"

He stands from the couch and puts up his arms innocently. "I was just kidding! Anyway, from what you're telling me it sounds like I'll be able to see for myself."

I feel my cheeks grow warm as Kurt gives me a knowing look and walks off to his bedroom. His constant intuition is a blessing as well as a burden.

Throughout the next week I feel like a chicken running around with my head cut off. Michael informs us that we have already sold out for opening night and tickets are still going fast for the other shows throughout that week. Luckily I have already received my tickets for Kurt, Finn, Blaine, Mr. Schue, Emma, my dads, and even Quinn. Somehow Quinn and I have managed to keep things friendly between us and she hasn't even been taking shots or giving me dirty looks when Finn isn't in the room. Maybe she knows that she has won as well.

"Alright, ladies and gentlemen. This is our last rehearsal before opening night tomorrow. I want a strong dress rehearsal tonight. You all need to perform as you would tomorrow. No slacking off," Michael lectures us.

I nod to him as I straighten out the dress on my costume. The nerves that were growing a week ago are now higher than they have ever been, but somehow I'm still keeping them under control.

I feel Jesse slip his arm around my shoulder and his warm lips press against my temple. "You're going to be amazing," he whispers. I look up to him and smile, trying to believe his words. Having Jesse play the male lead definitely gives me some comfort, but seeing as this is my first Broadway show I can't help but be nervous.

"Okay, everyone take your opening positions, please! Kick it off with Mama Who Bore me, Berry."

**Finn**

"Thanks for coming, guys," Kurt says as he passes me and Quinn each a drink.

"Of course," I say with a large smile. "We wouldn't miss this for the world." In reality I wouldn't miss this for the world, but I figured I should include Quinn in the situation. Kurt and Blaine planned a surprise party for Rachel tonight in order to celebrate the opening of her show tomorrow. It's only a small get together really, but we all wanted to be here to honor Rachel's amazing accomplishment.

"I can't believe you got Mr. Schue and Emma to fly all the way here," I laugh, looking over to find Schue and Emma talking with Rachel's dads.

Kurt shrugs. "What can I say? I'm a miracle worker. Plus, Rachel gave them tickets to the show tomorrow which I wasn't even aware of."

I nod as I slip an arm around Quinn's shoulder. "Well, I know that Rachel is going to be ecstatic. I think some family and friend time is exactly what she needs to get her in the right mindset for tomorrow." Rachel has been calling me every night for the past week in order to talk about the show. I've never heard her so nervous about something in my entire life, even when she used to talk about how she wasn't ready for Broadway. She was afraid that she was going to choke and I knew for a fact that that wasn't going to happen.

Suddenly, Kurt's cell phone begins to ring and he hurries to answer it.

"Hello?...Hey, Rach!" Kurt grows silent and listens to Rachel. "Okay, I'll see you in a few then! Love you, bye." Kurt hangs up the phone and begins to move around the apartment to clean up a few things.

"Jesse and Rachel are on their way! She said they should be here in ten minutes! We need to hide coats and turn out the lights!"

We all quickly scatter and help in order to hide any objects that might give us away. Once everything is hidden, Kurt turns off the lights and we all hide as we wait for Rachel to come through the door.

Finally, we hear Rachel's key in the lock and the door open slowly.

"Kurt?" She asks, obviously confused.

"I thought he said he was home," Jesse says, equally as confused.

"Maybe he went out to grab something," Rachel suggests as she turns on the light to the living room.

We all take that as our queue to jump into action. All at once we all pop up from our hiding place and cheer in unison.

"Surprise!"

Rachel's face immediately lights up and she covers her mouth with her hands as she begins to laugh. Kurt walks over to her and takes her into a large hug.

"Surprised?" He asks with a large grin on his face.

"Yes!" She exclaims before turning to Jesse. "Did you know about this?"

Jesse smiles. "Of course I did." He leans over and presses a kiss on the top of her head, and I fight the jealousy growing inside of me.

One by one, everyone in the room hugs Rachel and tells them how proud they are of her. When it's finally my turn Rachel and I beam at one another before I take her into a big hug, lifting her off the ground.

"Thank you," she whispers into my ear before I put her down on the ground. We continue to smile at one another, but suddenly snap out of it when we remember everyone else is most likely watching us.

I turn to Jesse and offer him a friendly smile as I shake his hand. "Congratulations to you too."

"Thank you," Jesse says as he smiles back at me.

As hard as it is, I have grown to respect Jesse. I know that he'll never love Rachel as much as I do, but he will take care of her. Something that I'm incapable of doing.

The party continues and we all begin chatting excitedly about what has been going on in our lives and about the show tomorrow.

"I can't believe our little girl is going to be on Broadway, Leroy!" Hiram exclaims as Quinn and I sit with them. He has been saying the same thing for the past hour and a half, but it doesn't bother anyone. We're all excited for Rachel.

However, as the night wears on I can see worry begin to show on Rachel's face more and more. I'm sure she's about to hit that time of the night where she doubts herself once again and grows anxious about the show. I try to focus on the way that she smiles at Mr. Schue or her dads and seems somewhat at ease, but I know there is a part of her that is drowning in nerves.

"Tomorrow is the big day," Blaine says as he walks up to me, smiling widely.

I nod to him and return his smile. "That it is. I can't believe it's finally here," I shake my head in disbelief.

Blaine laughs. "We all knew it was coming at some point. I'm surprised this isn't her third Broadway show knowing Rachel and her perseverance."

I shrug. "She had a little trouble getting the confidence to reach for Broadway. I know it can be a little overwhelming for her at times."

As if on call, I suddenly hear Kurt's voice and I turn in his direction.

"It's okay, Rachel. Everything is okay!" He attempts to reassure her, but I can see Rachel shaking her head. She's panicking and I can feel my heart begin to race.

"No…no, no, no. It's not okay," Rachel says as she shakes her head. She's slowly getting more worked up with each word and now everyone is turning in her direction. "What if I choke?" She looks at Kurt, desperate to have some sort of answer. "What if they all hate me? What if I'm not ready?" She says as continues to shake her head and I can tell that she's beginning to shut down.

"Rachel…" Kurt moves toward her, but she only steps away from him.

"No! I can't do this," she says as her voice breaks and tears suddenly fill her eyes. My breath catches in my chest and I feel completely paralyzed as I watch the girl I love breakdown.

"I can't do this! I can't do this!" She begins to yell as she begins to sob harder. Her dads move towards her in order to attempt to console her, but she only steps away from them as well. "I can't. I shouldn't have agreed to do this show. I wasn't ready! I wasn't ready to be on Broadway," she cries as she hurries over to her bag and begins to dig through it. "I need to call Michael. I need to tell him that I can't do this."

Suddenly, Mr. Schue and Jesse are at her side, pulling her away from her bag.

"No!" She yells as she tries to pull away from them.

"Rachel, stop it! You're okay. You're just scared about tomorrow, but you're going to be okay," Schue tries to reassure her as Jesse and him try to get her to sit down.

Finally, Rachel escapes from their grasp and backs away. "No. I can't. I can't do it," she begins to shake and sob as she completely breaks down. Her hands suddenly go to her chest and she clutches the fabric of her shirt as she loses herself. I know that this is Rachel's telltale when she's officially lost it, which makes me spring into action.

I quickly make my way across the room to her, completely blind to everyone else around me. The only person I care about right now is Rachel and seeing her like this hurts too much to possibly explain.

When I reach her I gently grab her shoulders, relieved that she doesn't pull away from me. She is shaking hard under my hands and her sobs continue as she shakes her head along with it. "Rachel, stop," I say softly as I make her look up into my eyes.

She shakes her head and continues to cry. "I can't do it. I can't," she whispers as she stares into my eyes.

I put my hands on the sides of her face and begin to wipe her tears away. "Rachel, stop," I say quietly. "Stop, stop, stop." Without thinking I suddenly lean down and press my lips against hers, feeling my heart skip a beat as her lips gently push back into mine.

After a few seconds, which felt like hours, I pull away from her slowly and open my eyes, finding her staring up at me with tears in her eyes.

"Oh my God," I hear someone say behind me.

I keep my hand on the sides of her face as Rachel and I continue to stare at one another. Her lips are parted and she's breathing heavy, but I can tell that she is no longer losing herself. I furrow my brow and swallow hard before stepping away. I don't know what to do or say, but I know that I have just made things messy on both of our ends.

"I should go," I say suddenly, feeling my heart race as Rachel just searches my eyes.

I turn away from her and grab my jacket as I quickly head for the door.

"Thank you for the party," I say as I dare to look at everyone, seeing their shocked expressions. I hurry to let myself out of the apartment and down the stairs to the street. My mind is completely fogged, but I know that the stunt I just pulled was about to cause a storm.

"Finn!" I hear someone call from behind me and recognize the voice as Quinn's.

I continue walking down the street, unable to face her and all the ridicule she's about to give me.

"The least you could do is talk to me after you just embarrassed me back there!" She yells.

I turn to face her and try to keep myself calm as she stops right in front of me. I have no words right now. I have nothing to say to defend myself because there are no excuses.

"So you want to tell me what that was all about?" Quinn asks as she shakes her head at me. I can tell that she's hurt, but she seems so distant that I can't bring myself to console her. All I can do is tell her exactly what is on my mind.

"Rachel's my person," I state with a straight face. "She's just my person."


	12. Chapter 12

**I apologize for this chapter being slightly delayed, but it is a little longer than some of the others and I really wanted it to hit some of the key parts of the story that I had planned. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed plotting and writing it! Thank you!**

* * *

**Rachel**

I feel everyone's eyes on me as I try to come to terms with what just happened. My cheeks feel puffy from all of the crying I have just done, but I can feel myself calming down slowly.

_Finn just kissed me. Not only did he kiss me, but he did it in front of all of our friends, his pregnant girlfriend and my boyfriend included._

My head is spinning as I try to think of something to say, but I can't move. All I can do is continue to stare at a spot across the room as I realize what this all means. Everyone knows that Finn and I have feelings for one another now. They have to. The person I'm scared to face most is Jesse.

"Rachel?" I hear Kurt say and suddenly feel his hand on my shoulder. "Rachel, are you okay?"

I know that Kurt won't judge me or be completely freaked out by what just happened. He is well aware of the feelings that Finn and I share. In fact, he's most likely happy that the kiss did occur.

I come to my senses slowly and look over at Kurt. I nod to him. "Yeah. I'm fine." Thanks to Finn. Although, he is also the reason why we're both in a bit of trouble.

It becomes silent again as I try to think of something to say, but still my brain is incapable of forming any sort of excuse.

Kurt clears his throat. "You look really tired. You should probably get some sleep before opening night tomorrow."

_Thank God for Kurt._

I nod to him again before slowly looking around at everyone in the room. They're all shocked and look completely lost. I don't want to go bed knowing that I have upset so many of them and I want to reassure them somehow.

Suddenly, I feel my brain start to work again and quickly form some sort of excuse.

"I know that what just happened is really awkward and uncomfortable for all of you. I can assure that it was the same for Finn and myself." I pause for a moment, trying to get everything straight in my head. "However, that kiss wasn't meant to mean anything…in fact it didn't. I've known Finn for a long time to know that's how he consoles his girlfriends, so when he saw me freaking out he probably chose to calm me down in any way that he could. I'm sure that he is very embarrassed…as am I, but I want you to know that Finn and I are just friends and he cares deeply about Quinn." I stop and look over to Jesse, giving him a weak smile. "And I care deeply about Jesse."

He returns my smile and I feel myself begin to relax. I look around at everyone else in the room and know that they all believe every word. Acting is my gift after all.

"Finn has always been goofy that way," Kurt confirms. I shoot him a thankful smile, knowing that his comment will help reassure everyone further.

I turn back to everyone as my dads approach me and each me a hug.

"Well, it looks like what he did worked," one of them joke and I feel my cheeks grow slightly warm. I hate lying to them, but in order to protect Finn and myself I had to do something. I can't help but wonder what Finn told Quinn.

Jesse approaches me next and smiles slightly. "Walk me out?" He asks quietly.

I nod to him as I take his hand and walk out with him in silence. When we finally reach the street, Jesse turns toward me and take both of my hands in his.

Jesse smiles down at me, but I can't help but notice that there is something sad in his eyes.

"Are you feeling better?" He asks and for a moment I wonder if he's referring to how I'm feeling due to my freak out or the fact that Finn just kissed me.

Regardless, I still nod. "Yeah, I'm fine. I think my little meltdown just helped me get everything out of my system." I shrug, trying to act nonchalant.

Jesse swallows slowly and nods. "Rachel…" He begins to search my eyes and I feel my heart begin to race. He looks almost pained.

"I know that you have been through a lot tonight, but despite what you said back up in the apartment…I can't help but feel like there's something more going on between you and Finn that you're not telling me about."

I feel my eyes grow wide as Jesse's words set in. I have been trying so hard to push my feelings for Finn away, but it seems like no matter what I do or say they always come back to haunt me.

I shake my head. "No, there's nothing going on between Finn and me. We're just friends," I reassure him. However, my voice grows flat at the end and sounds a little less than convincing.

"I really like you, Rachel." There's something in Jesse's voice that seems a little off and I can't help but feel slightly worried.

"Why does this sound like you're breaking up with me?" I ask, searching his eyes.

Jesse sighs and looks down at our hands. "Because I am." We stand in silence for a minute as I let Jesse's words sink in, unsure how to feel about all of this. I know what just happened with Finn might make things awkward or complicated, but Finn and I can put that behind us and move on like we originally planned while it seems as though others won't be able to.

Jesse meets my eyes again. "You don't belong to me. I can feel it. I think I felt it awhile ago, but I tried not to believe it." He shrugs and looks into my eyes. "Let's face it, Rach. You're not mine and we both know who you belong to. I don't want to be a consolation prize and I also don't want to keep you away from the guy who is right for you."

I feel tears touch my eyes as I listen to Jesse. I'm sad because he really is a great guy and I wish that I could love him the way that I love Finn, but I won't ever be able to. I'm also crying though because Jesse is willing to step down in order to let me have Finn. I think we both know it's much more complicated than that, but that fact that he's willing to let me go and cares so much about my happiness is really touching.

I laugh lightly as a tear falls down my face. "Why couldn't I have met you sooner? You're a great guy and you could have been the one I'm chasing instead of Finn."

Jesse laughs and shakes his head. "Nah, I don't that's true. I think it would have been Finn no matter what."

I smile weakly at Jesse. His words are bittersweet, but either way they're the truth. Finn is mine and I am his. No matter who we're dating or who's having his baby; we belong to each other.

"Thank you," I say to Jesse quietly as I pull him into a hug. Even if I can't have Finn I appreciate Jesse for setting us free. It wasn't fair to either of us to hold onto this relationship. All I can hope is that Jesse will find the girl who belongs to him and have better luck with her then I have had with Finn.

"Don't give up, k?" Jesse whispers into my ear before he pulls away. I give him another weak smile and nod to him.

"So we're still friends, right?" I laugh as he takes my hand again and squeezes it.

"Friends? Hah, I don't think so," he says as she shakes his head. My smile falls and I feel my heart do the same. Was that just some sort of good guy act and now I'm going to get the heat?

Jesse smiles at my expression. "I would consider you a best friend," he clarifies as he squeezes my hand. I feel a smile slowly take over my features again and I shake my head at him. He scared me half to death.

"You and Finn may belong to one another, but I feel like I've known you my entire life. I don't think I've ever had such great chemistry with someone, which is why, Ms. Rachel Berry, you and I are going to be life long friends." Jesse smiles at me and pulls me into another hug.

"Promise?" I ask as I squeeze him tight.

"Promise," he confirms as he presses a kiss to the top of my head. We pull away and smile at one another like idiots before Jesse looks down at his watch.

"I should probably go. We both need sleep before the big day tomorrow. Call me if you need anything, okay? Even if you're having a panic attack at three in the morning."

I give him a thankful nod. Jesse probably will be the one getting my panicked call since Finn is most likely preoccupied with Quinn tonight. "I will."

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" Jesse says with a smile.

"See you then," I confirm.

We both go our separate ways as he heads down the street and I walk back up to my apartment. I'm relieved to see that my dads, Mr. Schue, and Emma have all retired to the guest space Kurt and I have made available to them so I don't have to deal with their skeptical looks or questions. However, Kurt is currently sitting on the couch flipping through a magazine and I can tell that he definitely has some questions of his own.

I walk into the living room and sit down on the couch next to him, messing with my necklace a little as I try to comprehend everything that has happened tonight.

"So what's the plan now?" Kurt asks without looking up from his magazine. I know that I don't even have to tell him what happened with Jesse. I can tell he has already guessed that we decided to break up and I'm obviously not taking it that hard.

I sigh to myself as I realize the only plan that I'm currently sure of.

"Finn," I say, keeping my eyes fixed on the coffee table in front of me.

"Good girl," Kurt says and I can practically hear the smile in his voice.

**Finn**

I hear my phone buzz from my dresser and make my way over to it as I try to adjust my tie. I furrow my brow when I see a text message from Rachel. The show starts in two hours and I assumed she would be busy prepping herself currently. Maybe she's just getting slight anxiety again and needs a quick pep talk. I open the message and ready myself to give her helpful advice.

_Rachel: I hope you're still coming tonight. I was also hoping that I could come over later tonight in order to talk to you about last night. If not I understand, but I think it would be a good idea to discuss everything._

I feel my heart race slightly. I hadn't been expecting any of this, but I'm a little relieved that she did send it. I was nervous that she wouldn't want me there tonight after the stunt I pulled last night. I was also nervous that she would stop talking to me for the third time in a row, but that didn't seem to be the case. What she wants to discuss tonight can go two ways and I don't know how to feel about either, but I know that we need to talk either way.

_Me: I wouldn't miss it for the world. Of course we can talk. We can meet at my place around eleven tonight._

I send my text message and smile down at my phone. No matter what we're going to talk about I'm still relieved that we're talking.

"Finn? Do you know where I put my purse?" I hear Quinn ask from the living room. My smile fades a little as I remember she's still here; both in my apartment and in my life. As harsh as that may sound, but I'm still trying to make this work. After I told Quinn that Rachel was my person last night Quinn seemed annoyed with me. She told me that she didn't care whether Rachel was my person or not, she was still having my baby. Once again, I was a pushover to Quinn's words and decided to once again push my feelings away for Rachel in order to make this situation with Quinn work. However, every second I'm realizing how this situation is just never going to work. There has to be some point where it will all just fall apart officially and Quinn will just have to accept it.

"It's on the kitchen counter," I call back to her as I sit down on my bed and slip on my shoes. I don't know how bad it will look to Rachel's dads, Schue, and Emma if I still bring Quinn as my date tonight even though I kissed Rachel last night, but there's really nothing I can do about it. I don't know what Rachel told them after I left, but hopefully it was something to save both of us.

"Ready to go?" Quinn smiles seductively at me as she appears in the doorway in her red dress.

_Of course she would wear red._

I grab my dress coat off my bed and make sure that I have my phone, keys, and wallet before nodding to her. There's a high level of anxiety building up inside of me because I'm nervous to face everyone and for Rachel's first performance as an official Broadway star, but I'm also excited to go see her live her dream.

Quinn and I take a cab to the theatre and I feel my worry and excitement grow as we meet up with Kurt and Blaine out front of the venue.

"Damn, Finn. You clean up nice," Blaine says with a nod.

Kurt laughs. "Look at you all grown up." Kurt's smile is wide and bright. I can tell that he's feeling about the same way that I am currently.

I laugh at both of them as I hold onto to Quinn's hand, feeling slightly awkward. "Let's just get inside. Quinn's probably freezing out here."

We all walk into the theatre and look around in awe at all of the beautiful décor. It's just how Rachel described it when she would rant about the beauty of the theatre. Looking at all of it made me think of her and a wide smile slid onto my face.

"Let's go find our seats, shall we?" Kurt says with a amused smile.

We all follow him to the doors that lead into the actual theatre and chatter excitedly as we wait behind others in order to enter. Once we walk through the doors we receive a program from the usher and I swear that I could cry tears of happiness. On the front of the program is a picture of Jesse and Rachel. The same program that is in every single person's hands in this entire theatre. I couldn't really care less about Jesse being on the program, but I am unbelievably proud of Rachel for reaching her dream. After all of those years of doubting herself and the tragic breakdowns the last couple of nights, she is finally about to make her debut on Broadway.

We make our way down to our seats in front of the stage and I see Hiram, Leroy, Schue, and Emma already seated there. My heart skips a beat as I fear how they might act toward me due to last night. Especially because I was the one who kissed Rachel and I'm currently holding another girl's hand.

However, when we sit down I find that they all just smile and wave at me like nothing is wrong. There isn't even any questioning glances, but only a warm friendliness.

_What did Rachel tell them after I left last night?_

"Can you believe these seats?" Leroy voices estacticly. "Our baby has made it big, Hiram!"

We all laugh and everyone begins to discuss what they think the show will be about. However, I decide to open up my playbill and scan through the contents inside. I come to the page where the cast list is provided and feel a wide smile spread across my face.

"There's her name," Kurt whispers happily to me as he leans over to look at my program. I look up at him and notice some tears in his eyes. I can't blame him. This is absolutely amazing and surreal.

After I look through the program front to back I check my watch to see we have ten minutes until the show starts. I can picture Rachel back behind the curtain getting into her starting position. I know that she's probably crawling with nerves, but we both know that when the curtain opens that all those worries and cares will just disappear and she'll lose herself in her performance like she always does.

I pull out my phone to make sure that it is silenced and decide to shoot Rachel a text message. I know that she won't see it until after the show, but I still want my good word out there somewhere for her.

_Me: I would say good luck, but I know that you don't need it. You're going to be absolutely amazing and I am so proud of you. The stage is and always will be yours._

After I send the text I silence my phone and slide it back into my pocket, feeling anxiety and excitement hit me again as we only have five minutes left until the show is supposed to begin.

Minutes pass like seconds and soon the doors to the theatre close and a voice comes over the theatre.

"Hello, ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the first official performance of Spring Awakening."

Everyone in the theatre begins clapping and there are a few respectable cheers here and there.

"The staff of the Eugene O'Neill Theatre would just like to remind you to please turn off any of your electronic devices at this time, no flash photography is permitted, and no food or beverages are allowed inside of the theatre. Our performers have worked long and hard on this show and it is important to show them the respect they deserve. So without further ado, we are proud to present to you, Spring Awakening."

Everyone begins clapping again, but soon becomes silent due to anticipation for the show to begin. Slowly the curtain begins to open and the stage is dark before a little bit of light is provided.

I feel my breath catch in my chest as I see her. Rachel is currently standing on a chair dressed in what looks like a slip for a dress. They have made her look very young, but she's still as beautiful as ever. I've been so focused on her that I hadn't even noticed the music begin to play behind her and suddenly her stunning voice escapes her.

_Mama who bore me__  
__Mama who gave me__  
__No way to handle things__  
__Who made me so sad__Mama, the weeping__  
__Mama, the angels__  
__No sleep in Heaven, or Bethlehem__Some pray that one day__  
__Christ will come a'-callin'__  
__They light a candle__  
__And hope that it glows__  
__And some just lie there__  
__Crying for him to come and find them__  
__But when he comes they don't know how to go__Mama who bore me__  
__Mama who gave me__  
__No way to handle things__  
__Who made me so bad__Mama, the weeping__  
__Mama, the angels__  
__No sleep in Heaven, or Bethlehem_

When Rachel finishes singing the theatre erupts into applause and I realize that I'm crying. As lame as that might sound, I couldn't help myself. The girl I love was currently performing on Broadway in front of hundreds of people and her voice sounded absolutely unreal.

I manage to pull myself back together and bring my focus back on the show coming to life in front of me. I am in complete awe of Rachel as she delivers every line, performs every movement, and sings every song perfectly. It's as if she never had one worry about this entire show.

I have to give big props to Jesse as well. He absolutely kills it and it's not hard to love his character. Then comes the time when Jesse and Rachel's characters begin their romantic relationship, but Rachel was right, it's not exactly the most romantic relationship in the world considering their situation.

However, I hadn't expected Jesse and Rachel to be involved in such a sexual scene during I song that I read to be titled, "I Believe." Their characters seem to explore their sexuality together and I think the whole audience is shocked when Jesse's character unties Rachel's dress and exposes her breasts for the whole theatre to see. It makes my stomach churn as I stare at the girl I love's naked skin out on display for endless pairs of eyes to see, but I try to calm myself down as I remember that this is for the show and sometimes people had to take risks. Still, seeing Rachel's boobs for the first time since my Junior year of high school was definitely a trip.

The rest of the show is amazing and it feels like it ends too soon. When all the performers come out during the curtain call, we all stand and cheer loudly for Rachel. She must know where we are sitting because we see her look right at us and waves excitedly as tears fill her eyes.

She's made it and we're all beyond happy for her.

Once the actors go backstage, the lights to the theatre turn on once again and everyone slowly makes their way out. I hear everyone talking about how truly breathtaking the show was and how much they loved it, but I have no idea what to say. There are no words to describe just how amazing it was and the only person I want to talk to currently is Rachel.

We all hurry out of the Eugene O'Neill Theatre and file out to the stage door where we find many other people waiting. They're all holding their cameras ready and smiling widely. The looks on their faces makes me smile like an idiot as I become even more proud of Rachel. She finally has the chance to show everyone the star that she really is. I just wish that I could stand here and know that she was my star.

Finally the stage door opens and we watch as actors begin to file out. However, none of them are Rachel. More actors make their way out the door a couple of minutes a part until finally Rachel and Jesse walk out together with their arms linked. People begin to cheer and Rachel puts a hand over her mouth as she begins to laugh from excitement. Immediately they begin singing playbills and taking pictures with people who have been kind enough to come to show.

As the crowd dies down we all manage to make our way closer to Rachel until she sees us and instantly lights up. I'm prepared to give her a hug and tell her how great she was, but I wasn't expecting her to run passed multiple people and jump right into my arms for a large hug. However, I instantly tighten my arms around her and bury my face in her hair as I hold her. This probably isn't helping the incident that occurred last night, but I don't care. I love her and I just want to hold her as long as I can.

"I'm so proud of you," I say quietly into her ear. "I love you so much."

I hear her sniffle a couple of times as she slowly nods. "I love you too," she whispers back.

Finally we pull apart and she wipes her eyes before turning to everyone else and taking them into a large hug as well. Even Quinn gives her a sincere hug before taking my hand again. I wish so badly that her hand was Rachel's instead.

"So how did you all like it?" Rachel asks with a laugh.

"Like it? We loved it, Rachel! It was perfect!" Schue says as he laughs at her.

Rachel smiles sweetly at him and wraps her coat around herself in order to gain some warmth.

"Thank you! I really appreciate you all for coming," she says as she smiles at all of us.

Kurt is at her side and slides an arm around her shoulder. "And you were worried about choking," he shakes his head.

Rachel laughs and shrugs. "Hey, I can't help being a little worried!"

"Well it definitely didn't show when you were on stage, sweetheart," Hiram voices with a wide smile.

"Well that's good!" Rachel exclaims sounding greatly relieved. She glances behind herself and notices all of the hopeful faces who are waiting to meet her.

"I should probably get back. I'll see you all later tonight?" She asks as she begins to back away.

"Sounds good, Rach. Have fun!" Kurt says as we all begin to make our way back to the street to grab a few taxis. I glance back to get one final look at her before I leave, suddenly finding her staring back at me. She gives me cute little wave and I feel a flutter in my stomach.

**Rachel**

After I'm finally finished meeting everyone at the stage door and say goodbye to my cast mates, I get a taxi and head to Finn's house.

_Me: Hey, I'm on the way over your place. I should be there in ten minutes._

I set my phone down in my lap and smile to myself as I look out the window. I'm still on a high from my performance and the fact that everyone in the audience seemed to love the show. The fact that I didn't choke definitely helps the situation as well.

However, my good mood is mainly based on the fact that Finn still showed up tonight despite the awkward situation from last night and the fact that I'm currently on my way to go see him. I wanted to talk with him tonight because I wanted to tell him about what happened with Jesse last night and tell him everything that I feel. I want him to know that I want him and I won't rest until we get our chance to be together. Despite Quinn's pregnancy, I can't help but think that our time will come sometime soon. It has to.

Suddenly, my phone buzzes from my lap and I hurry to check Finn's text message.

_Finn: I stopped at the bar with Schue and Blaine to get some drinks, but I'm heading out in the next five minutes. You know where the extra key is so feel free to let yourself in. _

I'm about to reply to Finn's text message when my phone suddenly dies. I frown at the black screen, but shrug it off. Either way he knows I'll be at his place and he won't be far behind.

I pull up to Finn's apartment and give my fare to the driver before getting out. Once I reach Finn's door I go to grab his spare key from the flower pot next to the door, but furrow my brow when I find it missing. As far as I know, Finn, Kurt, and I are the only one's who know where that key is located. I turn back to Finn's door and turn the handl, finding that it is open. I feel my heart skip a beat, but then tell myself to calm down. This could be another ploy for a surprise party or maybe Kurt decided to come over while Blaine was out at the bar.

I walk into Finn's place slowly and close the door behind me quietly. My heels click against Finn's hardwood as I make my way into the living room and begin looking around. Some of the lights are currently on, but it's hard to tell if that means someone is currently here or not.

"Finn?" I call out, but find there's not response, so I try again. "Kurt?" Still nothing. I press my lips together and turn towards the kitchen before I suddenly hear sniffling, causing me to freeze. I turn slowly in the direction of the sniffling, which just so happens to be Finn's bedroom. When I enter his bedroom, I find that the room is empty, which confuses me. Where was the sniffling coming from then?

I hear the noise again and turn towards Finn's bathroom to see the light shining from under the door.

"Finn?" I ask again, but there is no response. Instead I just hear more sniffling and then a few quiet sobs. I walk towards the door and slowly turn the handle as I let myself into the bathroom. My stomach instantly drops and I freeze in the doorway as my eyes fall on Quinn.

She's currently sitting on the bathroom floor and there is blood surrounding her. Endless tears are streaming down her face and she looks completely lost as she just shakes her head and stares at all of the blood. Her eyes come up to meet mine and I suddenly see the panic in her eyes.

"Get out!" She screams at me before convulsing into more sobs.

I snap out of my shocked state and force myself to move into action.

"Oh my God, Quinn," I say as I come more into the bathroom, kneeling next to her as I avoid putting my knees into the blood.

She tries to move away from me, but I grab one of her wrists to keep her from moving.

"Quinn, stop. You need to calm down."

She suddenly freezes and breaks down. "Why is there so much blood?" She asks as she shakes. I feel an ache in my chest as I stare at the sobbing woman in front of me and all the blood around her.

"You had a miscarriage, Quinn," I say sadly. "We need to get you to the hospital." I let go of her wrist and quickly move into Finn's room as I pull out the smallest t-shirt and shorts that I can find. I walk back into the bathroom and kneel down next to het once again.

"Let's change you out of that dress and call a cab, Quinn. You need to go to the hospital."

Quinn continues to cry as she brings her knees to her chest and presses her forehead on them. It's actually slightly heart breaking to see Quinn completely broken list this, but I know that I need to get her help as soon as I can.

Slowly, I move her so that I can help her take off her red dress and change into the clothes that I have grabbed. I then lead her to the sink and begin washing off the blood on her body. Once she is all clean I walk with her out to the living room and realize something else that I need to take care of.

I pull out my phone to call Finn, but then remember that it's currently dead. I look back to the shaky Quinn on my arm and try to get her to focus.

"Quinn, where is your cell phone? We need to call Finn and let him know what's going on."

Quinn gasps a few times as she tries to gather herself before pointing to the coffee table where I find her purse. I grab it and pull her phone out, dialing Finn's number as I lead her to the door.

He doesn't pick up and I figure it's because of the loud music and conversation from the bar, so I leave a voicemail.

"Hey Finn, it's Rachel." I say as I lead to Quinn down the stairs. "Listen, I'm taking Quinn to the hospital. She's had a miscarriage and she needs medical attention. Please give me a call back as soon as you can or just meet us down there when you get this message." I hang up the phone and slide it into the pocket of my jacket as I focus on getting Quinn into a cab.

Once we're on our way to the hospital I try to take a few calming deep breaths as I try to continue being the sane one in the situation. Luckily the cab driver doesn't ask us any questions as Quinn continues to cry in the backseat and I try to keep everything under control.

"It's okay, Quinn. It's going to be okay. We're almost there," I reassure her as we wind through the streets of New York.

When we finally pull up to the hospital, I pay our fare and hurry to get Quinn out of the cab. We walk slowly up to the door and make our way inside as I try to keep Quinn stable. I approach the front desk and begin talking quickly to the woman sitting there.

"My friend needs medical attention, She has just had a miscarriage and she appears to be unstable. I tried to get ahold of the baby's father, but he's currently unavailable, so all she has is me. I don't know if I'm allowed to help her check in or what the situation is, but she really needs to see someone."

The woman holds up her hands and gives me a calming smile. "Slow down, honey. It's okay. Just fill out this form for your friend, please and we'll get her to meet with someone."

The woman passes me a clipboard and I somehow manage to get Quinn to answer all of the required questions for me as I fill out the sheet. When I'm finally done I slide it back to the woman and she reviews it before passing it on to someone else.

Quinn and I are asked to take a seat and although we only wait ten minutes, it feels like hours have passed before we are led to a room.

"Alright, sweetheart. Let's get you out of these clothes and into a hospital gown," the nurse says to Quinn as she helps her undress. Quinn is currently still shaking and crying, but she seems to be a little more calm now. Still, I can't help but be worried about her. I know this situation must be scary for her and no matter how many problems we have had in the past, I still want to make sure that she's okay.

"Okay, the doctor will be in to meet with you soon. Just try to lay back and relax, okay?" The nurse says before walking out of the room.

Everything grows quiet as the commotion suddenly stops and it's just Quinn and I together again. She's currently laying in her hospital bed just staring up at the ceiling as I sit in a chair next to the bed. She has now officially stopped crying and I feel a little relieved to know that she's getting her emotions a little more under control.

"How are you feeling, Quinn?" I ask her in order to make sure that she's still responding.

"I'm okay," she replies quietly as she continues to stare at the ceiling. I know that she's most likely not fine, but I choose not to push her with anymore questions. Instead, I begin to look around the room, noticing all the different machines and devices set up that Quinn may or may not need.

"I hated you," Quinn says suddenly and I look over to her, unsurprised by her words. "Althroughout high school," she clarifies.

I nod at her, fully aware that she hated me. "But why?"

Quinn sighs. "I wanted Finn. I couldn't understand why he would want someone like you instead of me."

I look down, knowing exactly what she means.

"He wouldn't even look at me. Every time I walked down the hallway, he would always be staring at you…even after you two broke up. I hated you for that…and I think I still do."

I nod again. "Yeah, I think you do too." I look back up at Quinn and find her staring at me, but her expression is unreadable.

"This baby was the only thing keeping us together," Quinn says as her voice breaks. I can tell that she's trying to hold back tears, but it's not long before she gives up and allows them to flood into her eyes.

I don't know why, but I suddenly feel the need to comfort her. "Oh, no. That's not true. You and Finn really care about one another."

Quinn shakes her head. "He's going to leave me," she begins to cry harder. "I just want him to love me."

As much as it kills me to hear another woman, especially Quinn, say she wants Finn to love her, I console her.

I reach over and touch Quinn's hand, relieved that she doesn't pull away.

"Quinn, he is not going to leave you, okay? Finn is a very caring and kind person and I know that he's going to continue being here for you whether you're carrying his baby or not."

Quinn sniffles and looks down at my hand on hers. After a moment she meets my eyes again and nods.

"You know if the roles were reversed that I would take this as my chance to get with Finn, right?"

I nod at her. "I know."

Suddenly, Finn runs through the doorway and looks back and forth between Quinn and me. Finally, his eyes fall on Quinn and he quickly moves to her side, kneeling down so he is at eye level with her.

I take my hand off of Quinn's as she focuses her attention on him.

"Hi," he says gently, placing his hand on the side of her face.

"Hey," she says quietly, her voice breaking again.

Quinn begins to cry again and they fall silent as Finn pulls her into a hug. He closes his eyes as he begins rubbing her back gently.

I feel awkward and out of place just sitting there watching them, so I get up from my chair and make my way out of the room. Neither Finn nor Quinn acknowledge me as I leave. As I walk down the hall to the elevators I feel my chest grow heavier with every step. Breathing seems to become harder as my body begins to slightly shake and heave as I stand in front of the elevator doors. When the elevator finally arrives, I step inside and wait for the metal doors to shut in front of me.

When they finally close, I feel my legs give out from under me and I sink to the ground. My hand covers my mouth to muffle my sobs as I close my eyes, attempting to shut out the pain.

There's only one person I want to cry to right now, but he's the same person who is currently holding his girlfriend as she cries into his chest in her hospital room.


	13. Chapter 13

**I'm glad that you're all enjoying my story and I want to thank you again for reading everything and leaving such lovely reviews and comments. It definitely means a lot. With that said, I hope you enjoy this chapter! Thanks, lovebugs!**

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**Rachel**

I take a few deep breaths as I sit on the floor of the elevator. I need to get ahold of my emotions before I hit the lobby and I'm forced to face other people again. They'll probably assume that a family member has passed or something along those lines, but in reality I'm just suffering from something else entirely; heartbreak. All I can do right now is picture Finn holding Quinn as she cries over and over. Regardless of how much Finn and I love each other and how much I want to be with him, he will always be Quinn's. They may never break up. I know it's selfish to think about considering they just lost their baby, but I just feel so lost.

Suddenly, I feel my phone begin to buzz from my pocket and retrieve it quickly. I'm sure that the news of Quinn's miscarriage has already gotten back to Kurt by now and he's probably calling for details. However, when I pull out my phone I instantly furrow my brow as I don't recognize the red case. I then remember that my phone had died back in the cab and I currently still have Quinn's phone.

I know that I probably shouldn't answering her phone, but when I read the name lit up on the caller ID, I can't help but hit the answer button and bring the phone up to my ear.

"Hello?" I say weakly as I continue to try to get my emotions under control.

"Quinn? Are you okay? I just got a call from the hospital saying that something was wrong. Is the baby okay? I swear if that punk Finn did anything to hurt our baby then I'm going to kill him."

I feel my mind begin to race as I take in everything that I just heard. I almost wish that I had misheard everything.

"Noah…" I say softly as I try to wrap my head around what he's saying. I haven't seen Noah in years and suddenly he's back in my life claiming that Quinn's baby is his instead of Finn's.

"Rachel…" Noah replies and I can hear the panic in his voice. "What's going on? Where's Quinn?"

I want so badly to blow off Noah's questions and tell him to go screw himself after all the pain he has caused everyone with his secret with Quinn, but I figure he has a right to know what happened to his child. It's so odd to think the baby is his instead of Finn's so suddenly.

"She had a miscarriage," I inform him. This is the fourth person I have given this news to tonight and it hasn't gotten any easier. "The baby's gone, Noah."

"What?" Noah asks flatly. I begin to brace myself for the storm that I'm sure is soon to follow. Finn and Noah have been best friends since they were young and I witnessed many of Noah's meltdowns throughout high school. They usually ended with trashed classrooms or multiple kids with bruises and bloody noses. Finn was always the one to calm Noah down in these sort of situations and I badly wish that he was here now to help me. However, Finn would most likely be yelling at Noah at this point instead of helping to calm him down.

"No…no. The baby can't be gone," Noah says and I can hear the sadness in his voice, but soon it is replaced by anger. "God damnit! None of this would have happened if she just let me take care of her!" Noah screams and I can hear him begin to kick and throw different objects on his side of the phone.

"Everything is ruined! Everything is gone!" He begins to scream as I hear glass smash and I can't help but flinch as I imagine the shards scattering across his floor.

"This is all Finn's fault! That punk doesn't know what it takes to be a man!"

Noah's sudden words against Finn instantly make my blood boil and I can no longer sit here and listen to his little temper tantrum. All I can think to do is scream at him, which is exactly what he deserves.

"Don't you dare blame this on Finn! He's twice the man you'll ever be! You know what doesn't make you a man? Sleeping with your best friend's girlfriend just because you can't keep it in your pants!" I yell at him.

"Hey! I love Quinn!" He quickly retorts.

"Yeah? Well, I love Finn and thanks to you and Quinn I've had to continuously losing the man who means the absolutely world to me," I fire back at him before I think about what I'm saying.

Noah grows silent and I take a few deep breaths as I try to calm down.

"You love Finn?" He asks quietly in disbelief.

Great. I told Noah my big secret and I wouldn't be surprised if the whole world knows in the next ten minutes.

I sigh. "Yes. I'm in love with him."

Noah seems to laugh in disbelief, which takes me off guard. "I would have never guessed. I mean, I knew that he had feelings for you all these years, but he always made it seem like you were only interested in pursuing a relationship with Broadway."

I swallow hard as Noah's words hit me, but nothing he said comes as a surprise to me. I was already aware Finn felt that way.

"Well, I guess I gave him a reason to believe that…" I trail off. I shake my head, realizing that Finn and I are not the focus of this conversation.

"Noah, no matter how I feel about Finn or you feel about Quinn, what you did still isn't right. You have to tell him."

Noah sighs. "I can't do that, Rachel. He's my best friend and I can't lose him. He's too much to lose."

_Yeah I know exactly what you mean._

"Well then you should have thought about that before you slept with Quinn. If you don't tell him…then I will," I say. Finn is my best friend as well and I want to make sure that he knows the truth. There shouldn't be any reason why I wouldn't tell him.

"Please…please don't tell him. Just meet up with me at Champs and hear me out, please," Noah begs.

"You're in New York?" I ask in disbelief. Last I heard Noah was in Hollywood trying to make it big, but that was five months ago. I hadn't heard any word of him moving to New York and I know that Finn and him keep in touch on a regular basis. Or at least try.

"Yeah. I've been here about two months…which is about the same time Quinn and I started talking again," Noah explains and I slowly nod my head, realizing that was about halfway through Finn and Quinn's relationship. I can't help but wonder how much of their relationship was a lie and why Quinn would do all of this to Finn.

"Rachel?" Noah asks.

"I'm still here," I inform him as I weigh all of my options. I do want to talk to Noah and understand this whole situation a little more, even though I'm completely disgusted with him. Finally, I sigh and shake my head, hoping that I'm not making a huge mistake. "Fine. I'll meet you at Champs."

"Right now?" Noah asks hopefully. In all honesty I am completely exhausted from my performance tonight and rushing Quinn to the hospital, but I want answers and I don't know what other time I'll have to meet with him.

"Yeah. I'll be there in fifteen," I hang up Quinn's phone and stare down at it for a moment, thinking about all of the events I have been through tonight.

I went from having my first performance ever on Broadway, to having Finn hold me and whisper that he loves me, to panicking and bringing Quinn to the hospital, to seeing Finn and Quinn hold one another as they mourn the loss of their baby, to sitting in an elevator bawling my eyes out, to hearing Noah confess that he's actually the father of Quinn's baby, and now I am about to rush off to Champs at one in the morning to meet with Noah Puckerman. This is definitely not how I pictured tonight going.

"Miss? Are you alright?"

I look up to find a nurse eyeing me skeptically and I realize that I'm still sitting on the floor of the elevator with Quinn's phone clutched in my hand. I probably look like a lunatic with my red eyes and puffy cheeks. I was so caught up in my phone call with Noah that I didn't even notice that the elevator arrived in the lobby. I slowly stand up and try to compose myself as I nod to her.

"Yes, I'm fine. Thank you," I reassure her as I slip out of the elevator and make my way out of the hospital. I quickly get a cab and make the trip to Champs.

When I walk through the doors of the bar I find Noah already sitting on a stool sipping a beer. I let out a large sigh, trying to prepare myself for whatever is about to happen. I walk passed everyone else and plop down on the stool next to Noah, not in the mood for any sort of friendly greeting.

"Alright, Noah. Start talking," I say flatly as I brush some of my hair away from my face.

"Hello to you too. It's nice to see you after all these years," Noah jokes and I glare over at him.

He still has the same Mohawk as he has always had and his brow is furrowed like usual. He looks tough like he normally does, but slightly more tense. That's most likely due to the situation that we're both in though.

Either way, I know that he's right. We haven't seen each other in three years. That is the last time that I was able to make a trip home to Lima and Finn, Noah, and I all got together to hang out like old times. Not that Noah and I were ever close or anything. We did talk occasionally if something was wrong with Finn, we were planning something special for Finn, or just to exchange a few sentences of conversation. We used to despise each other before Finn and I started becoming close, and now I was starting to despise him again.

"Hello Noah. It's not nice to see you considering the circumstances," I say a little harshly. I just can't help myself.

Noah rolls his eyes. "Let's try to be civil here," he states taking another drinking of his beer.

"Civil? Being civil would have been not sleeping with your best friend's girlfriend and getting her pregnant," I say under my breath, but loud enough so he can hear me.

"I get it, Rachel!" Noah raises his voice a little, but not loud enough to where he's completely yelling at him.

I snap at him and shake my head. "No, I don't think that you do. Do you know how much pain you've caused everyone?"

"You mean the pain that I caused you just because Quinn got Finn instead of you?" Noah fires back at me. I feel my heart drop and I look away from him, annoyed by the semi truth behind his words.

Noah sighs. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't want to come here to fight with you. I just want you to hear me out."

I slowly turn back toward him and search his eyes. "Why would I do that?"

"Because you of all people should understand that if you love someone you're willing to do anything for them," he says, his expression completely serious. I have never heard Noah say anything like this before and it takes me a little off guard.

"Keep talking," I say as I slip off my coat, assuming that I will be here for a while.

Noah nods. "Thank you," he says as he seems to brace himself. Who knows where this conversation might lead?

"I know that what I did to Finn was wrong. Trust me. I've beat myself up about it endless amounts of times, but I've come to terms that it happened and that I need to move on. That may sound awful to you…but that's just what it is." Noah pauses and stares down at the bar counter, looking as if he were searching for something. "Quinn and I slept together a few months ago and I thought that was the end of it. I thought maybe I just needed to get it out of my system by sleeping with her or something, but then I realized I was wrong. I'm completely in love with the chick. I never knew why she slept with me considering she finally had Finn and I knew she has been obsessed with him since sophomore year. Still, she seemed really upset and when she threw herself at me that night I wasn't just going to say no. I mean, what would you do if Finn was basically begging you for sex?" Noah asks looking over at me.

I shrug. "Say no. He's with Quinn and I've managed to say no every time things have become complicated between him and me," I confess.

Noah lifts a brow at me. "You and Finn…never mind. Anyway, then about a month ago she told me that she was pregnant and I had to ask her whether it was Finn's or mine. That's when she told me it was mine."

I look down at my hands as I think about how Noah might have felt when Quinn told him she was carrying his child. Was he mad, sad, scared, happy? I don't know, but I can tell that he's upset now that they've lost their baby.

"But now the baby's gone," Noah's voice breaks, but he quickly clears his throat to cover it up. "She wouldn't even let me come see her so I could just touch her stomach and know that she was currently carrying something that belonged to both of us."

I look back up at Noah, surprised by how upset he seems about all of this. I don't think I've ever seen him care so much about something in my entire life.

"She told me that she didn't care if the baby was mine or not…she was going to go to her grave swearing that it was Finn's," Noah stops to laugh and shake his head. "Can you imagine? Going through your whole life thinking that this kid is yours only to find out that it's your best friend's bastard child?"

I press my lips firmly together. I can't. I know that it would be completely heart breaking and unforgiveable.

"The truth would have come out at some point," I tell Noah.

He shrugs. "Maybe. I mean, the only reason you found out about me being the father was basically pure luck. If you hadn't answered the phone then you might have never known."

I know that Noah is right. Quinn has proved herself to be conniving and cold, so her keeping this information from us all doesn't come as a shock to me. This is exactly why we called her the Ice Princess back in high school. She just keeps proving that she must not have a heart.

"But if that bothers you so much, then why are you trying to stop me from telling Finn that you were actually the father?" I ask.

Noah frowns. "Like I said before, I can't lose him. Finn and I have been through everything together. He was there every time I got myself into trouble. He even bailed me out of jail last year when I got arrested for being belligerent in public. He has saved my ass way too many times and without him I'm nothing."

_I would be nothing without him too._

"I can't lose that, Rachel. I need him."

I sigh as I think about Noah's words. I wish that I could do something to help him, but there's a bigger part of me that only wants him to suffer. Finn is my best friend after all and I will do anything to protect him.

"I know how hard this is for you, Noah…but I can't agree to keep quiet about this. I'm telling Finn and I advise you to be honest with yourself and him as well."

Noah's jaw clenches as he stares at me, making him look as if he wants to punch something. However, he soon surprises me when he simply nods.

"You're a good friend, Rachel. Finn deserves someone like you."

I'm surprised that Noah isn't yelling at me or trying to fight me on my decision, but I still nod to him. "Finn deserves so much more than any of us can supply. He deserves the world."

The next day I call Finn and I'm relieved when he agrees to meet with me. We plan to meet at noon so I have plenty of time to talk to him before my show tonight. I know that things are probably going to get messy, but I need to tell him as soon possible before it eats me up inside.

At 11:59 I hear a knock on my door and hurry to answer it. Sure enough, there's Finn standing in front of me, his expression looking morose. I give him a weak smile before taking him into a hug. We stand in the doorway for a few moments as we hold each other and I imagine myself taking away all his pain. Even though I am the one who is about to give him the bad news that will only cause more pain.

Finally, we pull a part and I begin to lead Finn to the couch, but he suddenly stops me.

"Wait, Rach," he says, causing me to turn in his direction. I'm slightly confused, but I keep quiet as I wait for him to continue.

"I know there's something you want to talk to me about…but there's something I want to tell you first," he explains.

I furrow my brow and search his expression as I wait for him to continue. "Okay," I say, suddenly feeling a little worried.

Finn takes both my hands and looks down at me, looking almost pained.

"First, I want to thank you for bringing Quinn to the hospital yesterday. That was really cool of you."

_Count on Finn to incorporate cool into a serious conversation._

I nod at him, too nervous to speak.

"What I really wanted to say is…" he pauses and searches my eyes, causing my heart to skip a beat. "After last night with losing the baby and holding Quinn…I realized a lot…"

_Realized what, Finn? Realized what?_

He sighs and when he begins to speak again his voice breaks. "I need to stop all of these distractions with you. Last night I realized how much I care about Quinn despite everything that has happened."

He pauses again and I can feel my heart begin to ache severely in my chest.

"What I'm trying to say is…I love you, Rachel…I always will…but I think I might love Quinn too…"

His last words are enough to take my heart and rip it in two. I've forgotten how to function officially, but I don't show that to Finn. All I do is blink and keep a straight face despite the complete heartbreak I have just experienced.

"I don't know if it's possible to love two people at one time," he continues, "but I mean, you're with Jesse while you still have feeling for me, so you probably understand." He looks at me, seeming as though he's waiting for my response.

_He still doesn't know that Jesse and I ended things._

I nod. "Yeah…of course," I say, unsure how I've managed to keep my voice from breaking.

Finn squeezes my hands. "We're both going to be okay. We just need to stop this, you know? Maybe if we stop messing with each other's emotions then we'll be able to move on."

"Yeah," I say again, not trusting myself to say anything else.

A smile takes over Finn's face and he slowing lets go of my hands.

"So what did you want to talk to me about?" He asks as he puts his hands in his pockets.

I shake my head as I try to snap myself out of my current state and regain all of my thoughts. But then something occurs to me and I find myself just shrugging.

"Nothing," I look down at my hands. "It's nothing."

"Okay," Finn nods, causing me to look up at him. "Well thanks for understanding, Rach. Good luck tonight," he says with a smile as he makes his way to the door.

When he opens it, Kurt is on the other side holding his key out to unlock it.

"Oh hey, Kurt," Finn says as he pats Kurt on the back and moves passed him.

"Hey, Finn," Kurt says a little confused as Finn leave. Kurt closes the door behind him and walks into the apartment looking a little frazzled.

"Well he seemed to be in good spirits," Kurt states as he looks over at me. "What did you two talk about?"

But I can't answer him. My breathing is becoming heavy, my heart feels like a knife has been stabbed through it, and I'm now blinded by tears. Suddenly, I clutch my hand to my chest and sink to the ground, lost in my own heartache.

"Rachel!" I hear Kurt yell as he runs over to me. It's not long before I'm cradled in his arms, relying on the fabric of his shirt to soak up my tears.

**Finn**

I'm not sure why Kurt asked to meet me for coffee today, but I figure it's to catch up on a few things considering we haven't done that in awhile.

When I arrive at our usual coffee shop I find Kurt already sitting down with coffees for him and me. He looks slightly annoyed and I can already tell I've done something wrong.

I make my way to the table and sit down in the chair across from him, skipping the hellos.

"If this is about what Rachel and I talked about yesterday then you can save your breath because I-" I say, but he suddenly cuts me off.

"You have no idea how much she loves you, do you?" He asks, waiting for my reply.

I raise a brow at him. "Kurt, I-"

"No you don't have any idea because if you did then you wouldn't have thrown her to the side while you decided to go run off and live happily ever after," he continues.

"Quinn and I just lost our baby," I retort.

"No you didn't," Kurt says as he shakes his head.

"Wha…what?" I ask, suddenly feeling completely lost.

"Quinn's baby wasn't yours…It was Puck's," he says quickly.

My mouth falls open slightly as I furrow my brow and try to take in his words.

"What? No…it can't be," I say, feeling slight panic hit me.

Kurt sighs. "Rachel had Quinn's phone the night Rachel brought her to the hospital. Puck called after Rachel left and told her everything," Kurt confesses, looking disgusted by everything he is saying.

I shake my head as I look down at the table, searching the wood top for answers. Suddenly, something hits me and I meet Kurt's eyes again.

"So yesterday when she asked me to talk…she was going to tell me about Quinn and Puck?" I ask, feeling my body tense more and more as I come to terms with what Kurt is telling me.

Kurt nods slowly, keeping his expression serious. "But after you started talking about how you wanted to be there for Quinn and make things work…Rachel felt like she couldn't tell you. She felt like she would only be saying it to push you away from Quinn and to win you over. She just wanted you to want her on your own."

I furrow my brow and feel my chest tighten.

Kurt studies my expression. "Rachel shouldn't have been trying to win you over, Finn…you should have been fighting for her. You should have chosen her."

I nod, feeling the pain hit me harder each second. "I know," I say breathlessly.

Kurt seems to ease up a bit and nods. "You…you don't really love Quinn, do you?"

I press my lips firmly together, knowing that the truth is about to come out.

I shake my head. "No," I state.

Kurt sighs and looks extremely relieved.

"I, uh…I just wanted to push Rachel away…I thought it was the right to do because Quinn just lost the baby and I figured if I make Rachel hate me and drive her away…maybe I could love Quinn," I explain, feeling ashamed.

"And…" Kurt says, pressing me to continue.

"I couldn't…" I say, feeling tears threaten my eyes. "I knew that I never could because no matter how hard I push Rachel away," I stop, closing my eyes and feeling the pain in my chest grow. When I open my eyes, I find that they're coated with tears.

"There's just no one like her, Kurt," I whisper as I shake my head. "No one is capable of making me feel like this."

Kurt nods. "Then fight for her, Finn."

I swallow hard as I try to get my emotions under control. My thoughts suddenly switch over to Puck and Quinn and I only feel hate rather than love.

I clench my jaw suddenly and Kurt seems to notice my mood change.

"Let's not do anything too rash, Finn."

"I want to kill him," I say through my teeth. If it weren't for Puck, Rachel could be mine right now.

"As much as I would enjoy that, I can't allow you to take it that far. I can, however, give you the opportunity to confront them both," Kurt says with a small smile.

I lift a brow at him in confusion, but then I remember that Quinn went over to Rachel's in order to get her phone back and thank her for everything.

"But Puck is-" I start, but Kurt jumps in.

"At our apartment right now. Rachel plans to confront Quinn about the whole situation and figures Puck should be a part of the show," Kurt takes a swig of his drink. "Oh, and she doesn't know that I'm meeting with you…so it will be a surprise to all of them."

I think about Kurt's words for a moment. The idea of being able to yell at both Quinn and Puck together sounds perfect right now. I want to let both of them know exactly how much they have hurt me.

"Let's go," I say once again through clenched teeth.

**Rachel**

"What time was she supposed to be here?" Noah asks as he paces my apartment.

I know it's slightly wrong that I brought Noah here to bombard Quinn, but as far as I'm concerned they both deserve everything that's coming to them.

"She's only five minutes late," I tell him as I place Quinn's phone on the kitchen counter. I called Quinn yesterday once I was calmed down enough to get my thoughts straight. I told her that I had her phone and she proposed the idea of her coming over to retrieve it and give me a personal thank you.

That's when I thought of Noah and decided that I needed to confront her somehow, even if I couldn't bring myself to tell Finn yesterday.

Suddenly, there's a knock on the door and I push Noah towards my bedroom. "Go hide. I want to talk to her first," I say to him as he does as I say.

I take a few deep breaths and primp myself slightly as I make my way to the front door. When I open the door, I find Quinn smiling brightly at me, which takes me slightly off guard.

"Hey, Rachel," she says as I welcome her into my apartment. "Thanks for letting me come get my phone."

"Of course," I say as I move toward the counter and retrieve it for her. "Here you go," I smile as I hand it back to her.

"Thanks," she says as she unlocks her phone and begins to check her messages and missed calls. "I also wanted to say thank you for driving me to the hospital. Finn and I really appreciate everything that you've done. The last couple of days have been really hard-" Quinn stops suddenly and I watch her face fall as she looks down at the accepted incoming call from Noah the night I brought her to the hospital. She looks up at me slowly, looking panicked and confused at the same time.

I shake my head at her as I keep my expression serious. "Why did you do it, Quinn?" I ask, obvious disapproval in my voice.

"Rachel…" she says, looking as if she's about to reason with me.

"Save it," I say, lifting up a hand to stop her. "I think there's someone else you should talk to instead."

Quinn looks passed me and I know that Noah has come out of the bedroom. Tears suddenly fill her eyes and she begins to shake her head.

"Why are you doing this?" She asks, looking completely devastated.

"Why are we doing what?" Noah asks, annoyance coating his voice. "You're the one who dug yourself into this hole!"

Quinn beings to sob. "I didn't mean to…" she trails off, but suddenly we all jump when the front door slams open and we turn to find Finn standing there with Kurt.

My heart skips a beat as I see the anger in Finn's eyes, knowing that Kurt has told him everything.

"Finn," Quinn says through her tears, but he looks right passed her to Noah. He suddenly pushes passed all of us and goes straight to Noah.

"Shit," Noah says before Finn delivers a hard punch to his face and sends Noah to the ground.

"Finn!" Quinn screams as she moves toward him and grabs his arm.

"Don't touch me!" Finn yells and pulls away from her. I don't think I've ever seen Finn so mad in my entire life.

Noah starts to get up and Finn moves toward him again.

"Don't you dare get up," Finn says through his teeth as he walks toward Noah again.

However, Kurt grabs ahold of Finn's arm before he can reach Noah and begins to pull him away.

"Whoa there, Finn. Let's calm down a little," Kurt says, but Finn breaks from his grasp.

"No! I will not calm down because they both ruined my life!" Finn yells as he looks over at Quinn.

"Finn…" she starts with tears running down her face.

"Why?" Finn asks, his tone harsh.

Quinn shakes her head and takes a deep breath. "I am so sorry."

"I don't want your apology! I want to know why!" Finn fires back.

"Why are you yelling at me?" Quinn screams and my eyes widen in surprise. A part of me can't believe that she has the audacity to ask that, but I keep my mouth shut as I let Finn deal with her.

"Why am I yelling at you? Are you serious? You've been lying to me for the past two months that this baby was ours and now I have to hear from Kurt that it's actually Puck's! You know you were really convincing when you continuously cried and told me that you loved me," Finn says with disgust as he shakes his head at her.

"I do love you!" She yells back, taking a few steps towards Finn.

"Bullshit!" He yells as he once again moves away from her. "Everything you say is such complete bullshit!" Finn turns and suddenly kicks over one of our dining room chairs, but it doesn't come as a surprise to any of us. We're all used to Finn kicking over stuff by now. It's part of his coping mechanism. I only wish that I could settle him down myself like he did for me the other night. However, from what he told me about his feelings for Quinn yesterday it probably wouldn't be wise.

"And you," Finn says as he looks over at Noah. "I thought you were my best friend."

Noah scoffs. "I am your best friend, dude."

"Best friends don't go around sleeping with each other's girlfriends!" Finn yells, moving towards Noah as if he's about to punch him again. However, Kurt grabs onto his arm again and pulls him back.

"She's the one who threw herself at me so obviously she was unsatisfied with something going on in your relationship!" Noah retorts.

"Oh, that's always your excuse, Puckerman. Every girl is always throwing themselves at you," Finn mocks Noah.

I slowly look over to Quinn who is now sobbing even harder. A part of me feels guilty for causing this whole scene, but at the same time I figure it's for the best. I'm trying to do my best to act like I'm not here because I don't feel like I technically matter in this situation.

"Stop," Quinn says suddenly through her tears. "Just stop."

Finn looks over at her and furrows his brow. "Stop what? You're the one who slept with him. Our whole relationship was a lie!"

Quinn shakes her head. "It wasn't a lie, Finn. I really do love you," her voice breaks every other word.

"Then why did you do it?" Finn says through clenched teeth.

Quinn looks down at her hands and sniffles. "I wanted to matter…I wanted to feel loved." She looks back up at Finn with tears heavily coating her eyes and shrugs. "I used Noah in order to feel wanted…needed…something."

Finn raises a brow at her. "What are you talking about? I gave you all of those things."

She shakes her head and takes a deep breath. "No, you didn't," she says quietly. "Face it, Finn…no matter what happened between us Rachel was always going to be the only girl who mattered in your life."

I grow tense as Quinn says my name, feeling Kurt and Noah's eyes on me as I begin to fiddle with my necklace. Finn looks down at the ground, furrowing his brow at the scratches on the wood.

"I was willing to give you everything, but you only wanted her!" Quinn starts to raise her voice.

"Quinn, that's not true," I offer suddenly as I remember what Finn had said to me the night before. "He loves-"

Before I can continue Quinn quickly makes her way over to me and I'm shocked when I feel her hand slap me hard on my right cheek. I lift my hand to my cheek as my skin begins to sting, not knowing what to do or say.

Suddenly, Quinn is pulled away from me and she begins to cry loudly.

"Don't you dare touch her," Finn says as he carries Quinn across the room.

"Get off of me!" She screams as she pushes out of Finn's grasp. "Every time! Every single time you defend her!"

"Because I love her!" Finn screams back, taking us all by surprise. Quinn grows silent as she stares at Finn in slight disbelief. "That's what you do when you love someone! You protect them! You take care of them!"

Finn takes a deep breath and looks over at me, which makes my heart skip a beat.

"But what about what you told me yesterday?" I ask quietly, surprised that I actually had the guts to speak up again.

"I lied," Finn states.

Slight relief hits me and I feel a little bit of my heartache disappear.

Finn shakes his head. "I wanted to push you away so that I could do what I thought was the right thing…but in reality the only thing that's right is you."

I smile weakly at him and all I want to do is run into his arms where I know I'm always safe. He's still mine even after everything we've been through.

"I hate to break up your Hallmark moment," Noah speaks up, "But I think there's bigger issues at hand here."

Finn turns towards him and scowls. "Oh so you knocking up my girlfriend and keeping me from being with Rachel isn't a big issue?"

"Dude, like I said, she threw herself onto me and I wasn't just about to say no to free sex," Noah explains.

I wrinkle my nose at his words. "You are such a pig, Noah."

"Well you're a coward, Rachel," he fires back at me.

_Whoa, since when did I get dragged into all of this?_

"Don't talk to her that way!" Finn says, moving towards Noah, but this time I grab his arm to stop him. He seems to relax under my touch, which causes me to do the same.

"I'm only stating the truth. She is a coward. Why didn't you just tell Finn how you felt years ago and saved us all this trouble?" Noah asks impatiently.

_Where is this all coming from?_

"Why didn't you just tell Quinn that you loved her instead of just sleeping with her?" I ask, folding my arms across my chest.

Noah's face falls and he looks down, not knowing what to say.

"Because it doesn't matter if he loves me. I love Finn and I only wanted Finn. Noah was a distraction, but that's all he was," Quinn says, taking us all by surprise. We all turn towards her and she now looks more composed. "I'm sorry, Puck. Finn has always just been that guy for me and he's the man that I would be willing to start a family with…to spend forever with."

My eyes widen slightly as I realize everything that Quinn is saying.

Kurt laughs suddenly from behind her, but then clears his throat to cover it up.

"What?" Quinn asks with an extremely annoyed tone.

Kurt shakes his head, obviously not wanting to meddle.

"He's laughing because he knows that Rachel and I are meant to spend forever together and the fact that you thought we had a chance at forever is ridiculous," Finn says flatly.

"Excuse me?" Quinn asks, raising a brow.

Finn opens his mouth to say something, but I cut him off.

"Finn and I love each other. As much as we've all tried to deny it…we belong to each other. You can try to keep us a part all you want, but we will always find our way back to one another," I explain, not knowing where all of this is coming from. Maybe it just feels good finally confessing my feelings to Quinn and putting her in her place. "You can't force someone to love you. It's just something that you can't control."

I see Finn smiling at me from the corner of my eye, but all I can currently focus on is the look of hate in Quinn's eyes.

"You are so relentless. You were trying to sabotage my relationship with Finn from day one because of your stupid little infatuation with him!" Quinn says.

Noah laughs this time, which causes me to look over at him.

"Oh please, Q. You were the one with the infatuation. Like Rachel said, we all tried to deny the fact that they were totally digging on each other, especially you," he says and Quinn moves her daggers onto him.

However, moments later her eyes are on me and she takes a few steps toward me.

"You did this! You're the only who ruined everything! I hate you!" She yells and I feel my heart start to race as I expect her to slap me again.

Finn grabs her arm suddenly and makes her turn to face him. "Quinn, stop. It's over. The only one who ruined everything is you."

She goes limps under his touch and Finn tries to support her so she does not collapse to the floor.

"I just wanted someone to love me," she suddenly cries and I can't help but stare at how helpless she seems. This is definitely not the Quinn Fabray that we have all come to know.

"I loved you," Noah says. "I still love you despite everything that has happened. That was our baby Quinn and now it's gone. I would have held you like Finn did. I would have cried with you. I would have been there for you. Not because I felt like I should be, but because I just love you."

Quinn cries harder and tries to put her head to Finn's chest, but he moves her away and Noah takes her into his arms instead.

We all stand there watching her shake her head to him as she cries, seeming completely lost.

"Just get out," Finn sighs. They both look over at him.

"Finn…are we cool?" Noah asks.

Finn laughs and shakes his head. "No, we are not cool. As far as I'm concerned, you're both dead to me right now. I want both of you to leave and disappear from my life completely. Now."

"Dude…" Noah begins, but Finn cuts him off.

"Now," he says through clenched teeth as I watch him ball up his fists.

Noah swallows hard as Quinn just begins to nod. Without another word they both walk out together and shut the door behind them, leaving the apartment completely silent now.

After a couple of moments of Finn, Kurt, and I just standing there obviously not knowing what to say, Kurt finally clears his throat.

"I'm going to run to the store real fast. I think you two have a lot to talk about," he says as he grabs his keys. "Love you," he says as he waves and leaves our apartment, once again leaving Finn and me in silence.

_Where do we possibly go from here?_

The silence between us continues before I finally look over at Finn and find him looking down at the ground.

"Are you okay?" It's the only thing that I can think to say, but I needed to break the silence.

Finn shrugs. "I guess so. I mean, how okay can you be when you just found out that the baby you thought was yours actually wasn't and you've been kept away from the girl you love for so long." Finn shakes his head and lets out a large sigh.

I nod at his words as I cross my arms over my chest. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you. I just felt-"

"That if you told me you thought it was because you just wanted to pull me away from Quinn. I know," Finn says and I look down for a moment, unsure how to feel right now.

"Rach, you have to know that I would never think that," he says as he takes a few steps closer to me until he's only about two feet in front of me.

I look up at him and shrug. "Why not? You told me that you loved Quinn and I didn't want to suddenly pull you away from her. It would have looked bad."

Finn shakes his head. "It wouldn't have mattered because I only told you that I loved Quinn because I wanted to push you away. I wanted you to go be happy with Jesse and not wait around for me when my life is obviously going nowhere."

"Jesse and I broke up," I finally tell him. "And you're life isn't going nowhere, Finn. You are such a great guy with so many opportunities ahead of you."

Finn seems to smile at the fact that Jesse and I broke up, but then it soon fades. "How can you say that after everything that I've done to you?"

"Done what?" I ask. "You haven't done anything to me."

He shakes his head. "Yes, I have. I've made your life messy over and over again and I'm sick of it," he says as he turns away from me, obviously frustrated with himself.

"I don't care, Finn. We've both made each other's lives messy, but it doesn't matter how many times you do it because I love you. I would do anything for you," I tell him, feeling desperate for him to understand.

He turns back toward me and clenches his jaw. "I would do anything for you too."

I nod and look down again, not really knowing what to say. Where can Finn and I go from here? So many things in our lives have been completely turned around now and I don't know what to do to get my feet back on the ground.

"So where does that leave us?" Finn asks, his tone gentle. "I want to be with you, Rachel…I think that we could make this work now and you're the only thing that always makes sense to me even after my life comes tumbling down."

I press my lips firmly together as tears flood into my eyes. There's finally nothing keeping Finn and I a part. I could simply tell him right now that I want to be with him too and we could officially belong to each other. It's what I've wanted for the past seven years of my life and I've spent endless amounts of time thinking about.

However, as I feel a small light of hope begin to grow inside of me, I begin to mentally put it out. As much as I want Finn, he did just get out of his relationship with Quinn. He only found out about an hour ago that the baby was not his and had that whole fight with Noah and Quinn. Something just doesn't feel right about telling him that I want him and immediately jumping into this. I feel like both of us need some time to recuperate after everything that has happened and then come together. I know that Finn and I will be together, it just can't happen right now.

I swallow hard as I brace myself for what I'm about to say. "I want more than anything…to be able to call you mine. You know that," I say with tears continuing to fill my eyes.

I feel Finn's face harden as he realizes where I'm going with this. "Then why are you saying no?" He asks with a gentle voice.

"Because you just got out of your relationship with Quinn…because you just lost so much. I feel like I need to give you some time," I say, tears coating my voice.

Finn shakes his head. "It doesn't matter if it's today, tomorrow, or ten years from now. I'm always going to want you and that's not going to change under any circumstances," he says desperately.

"I know," I whisper and shake my head. "Trust me, I know."

"Then why don't you just say yes?" Finn asks sadly, which causes my heart to ache slightly.

I look down at the ground as I try to think of what to say. I want Finn so badly, but there's just something in my heart telling me that I need to give him time. I need to be strong and just wait a little longer. I need to find something to say.

Looking back up at him, I take a few deep breaths and compose myself as I think of something to say.

"You know they say that if a crush lasts for more than four months that you're in love with someone? I don't know if that's true, but it is then I've been in love with you for eight years. I saw you the first day of our sophomore year of high school and walked passed you and your football buddies knowing that you didn't notice me at all. Right then I started liking you. I don't know why or how, but there was just a part of me that was drawn to you. Then somehow you started noticing me and talking to me during our junior year. I didn't understand why someone like you would be with someone like me, but you made me feel..." I pause for a moment as I notice tears are once again beginning to come into my eyes. Finn is watching me and hanging onto every word I'm saying. He swallows hard and I can see the tears in his eyes now too.

"Good enough. Visible, worthy...alive.," I continue.

"No matter what happens, how much time passes, or who we become there's a part of me that is always going to be that sixteen year old girl who is drawn to you."

Finn looks down at my feet and I feel my heart flutter as I'm finally able to tell him all of this.

"I've been in love with you for eight years. That's 96 months. That means that I've fallen for you 24 times over and over again...and I'll continue to fall for you even every second of everyday," I say, trying to make him take in my words.

"You can be with whoever you want to be with or go wherever you want to go, but no matter what happens...I'm always going to belong to you. You have my heart and I'm not going to take it back," I shake my head at him and put my hand to my chest and feel how fast my heart is beating. He's the only one who is capable of getting this sort of reaction from me. A weak smile falls on Finn's lips and I wish that I could go over and press my lips to his and make him mine, but I can't.

"But I know that I need to let you be free. I want you to be happy even if that means that you're not mine."

"You and Quinn just broke up. I think it's too soon and maybe we both just need to be on our own for a little while. Then we'll be together someday…hopefully soon," I say with a smile, my eyes still damp with tears. My face then grows serious and I shake my head. "Just not now."

Finn takes a deep breath as he takes in everything that I'm saying. "I just don't know what to do with my life. What am I supposed to do if you're not mine?" He asks with only sadness in his eyes.

I take a few steps toward him and take his hands, giving them a small squeeze. "I am yours. I will always be yours. I think you just need some time for yourself right now because," I say as I straighten out his gray sweater, making a small smile form on his lips. "You're the greatest person in this entire world."

Finn's eyes look sad, but he still nods at me. "I love you."

"I love you too," I say back to him as we both lean toward one another and find each other's lips.

_I'm yours, Finn Hudson. Always._


	14. Chapter 14

**I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and thank you all for the lovely reviews! I just want to say that the * in Finn's piece is to clarify that this is a flashback kind of scene for him, so it doesn't confuse any readers. I have a lot of ideas for the next chapter and I'm excited to write it. Muhaha. Enjoy, lovebugs. 3**

* * *

**Finn**

As much as I hate the fact that Rachel told me we needed to wait before we started a relationship together, I'm trying to make the best of it. It has been a week since I learned that Puck was actually the father of Quinn's baby and it still makes my blood boil just as much. Puck and Quinn have both tried to contact me various different times throughout the week, but I have ignored their calls, text messages, and emails every time. Apparently Quinn also showed up to my work one day during lunch, but luckily I had decided to grab lunch with Rachel and Kurt that day.

I'm hurt by what Quinn did, but I'm also trying to think of it as a blessing in disguise. That doesn't mean that I'm planning to forgive Puck or Quinn anytime soon, but I am glad that the baby wasn't mine. I had felt even more obligated to stay with Quinn when she had her miscarriage, hence why I told Rachel that I loved Quinn and tried to push her away, but I really didn't want to stay. I cared for Quinn, but no matter what she just proved herself to be a toxic person over and over again. I'm done surrounding myself with those type of people. I want to move on and create a better future for myself.

In my mind, a better future consists of teaching and Rachel. Once this break session is over and Rachel agrees to finally being with me, then I can officially breathe again. Until then, I'm just focusing on the idea of her finally being mine.

I sit at my desk and go through some scripts and sheet music when I hear my phone buzz from under some of the shuffled papers. I quickly find it and smile down at Rachel's name lit up on my screen.

_Rachel: Hey, handsome. I don't have any performances for the next few nights. Do you want to come over tonight and watch a movie? Tonight is Blaine's last night in town so him and Kurt are going out to do something special._

A movie night? We haven't done anything like that in a long time. It has been hard to actually hang out with Rachel due to her shows, my work, and just all of the other chaos constantly occurring in our lives.

I quickly type out a reply to her.

_Me: That sounds great! I'll pick up some snacks on the way. _

I begin to organize my desk and collect all the materials I will need for my next class. Lunch is almost over and I know all the students will be flooding into the halls again soon. As I'm walking down the hallway to the choir room I feel my phone buzz in my hand.

_Rachel: Healthy ones, right?_

I smile at her response and reply back.

_Me: You seem to have forgotten how well I know you._

I set all of my stuff down on top of the piano and begin to flip through some scripts I have printed out for the kids when my phone goes off again.

_Rachel: I would never, Mr. Hudson!_

I let out a small laugh. Over the past week Rachel and I have been openly flirting with each other and I have to admit that it's beyond enjoyable.

"What's so funny, Mr. Hudson?" I hear a sudden voice say from behind me, causing me to jump a little.

I turn to find one of my students coming through the door, looking slightly confused as to why I'm standing in an empty classroom laughing down at my phone.

I clear my throat and slide my phone into my back pocket. "Nothing, just reading something from a friend. What's going on, Carly? Doesn't lunch last another ten minutes?" I say as I straighten the scripts and sheet music I have laid out on the piano.

Carly shrugs as she moves more into the room. "I usually eat lunch in the bathroom and I was headed to my locker before class. That's when I saw you walking to the classroom and I decided to just come early."

I raise and brow and turn to look at her as she sits down in her usual chair in the front. She seems so nonchalant about what she just told me, but it bothers me. I had noticed that Carly doesn't seem to have many friends and the other students don't tend to warm up to her, but I didn't know she ate lunch in the bathroom every day.

To be completely honest, Carly reminds me a little of Rachel. She has the same long brown hair and petite body type, but she has blue eyes instead and her nose definitely isn't of Jewish decent. What Rachel and Carly have the most in common, though, is their talent and big dreams. Carly has a beautiful voice and she's constantly talking about being on Broadway. It's a little scary how alike they are when you really start to think about it.

I turn my attention completely to Carly and move to sit down in the chair next to her.

She sits up straight and continues to look as if she's not bothered by her situation at all, but I know that she is. It's the same thing Rachel used to do when Santana or Quinn used to bully her around in high school. Rachel usually choose to kill them with kindness though, which Quinn really hated. However, Santana and Rachel actually ended up being good friends by their senior year.

"You eat lunch in the bathroom?" I ask, hoping that she'll be willing to talk through everything with me.

She turns to look at me and presses her lips firmly together before nodding. "Yes. I don't have any friends to eat with or hang out with. Plus, last time I went to eat in the cafeteria I had chocolate milk poured down my back, so I figured I should try to avoid lunch completely." She looks down at her hands.

"You know, when I was your age people at my school used to throw slushies in our faces instead?" I laugh as I bump my shoulder into hers.

A weak smile comes over her lips before she looks up at me. "Really?" She asks gently.

I nod with a smile. "I can tell you that trying to wash out all that sticky flavoring and ice chunks was not a fun process."

She laughs and looks down again. "Yeah, I bet."

"But none of us ever let it get to us," I tell her as I study her sad expression. "I was the captain of the football team, but during my junior year of high school I started dating a girl named Rachel Berry," I tell her.

Carly suddenly looks up at me with wide eyes. "Rachel Berry? As in the Rachel Berry who is starring on Broadway right now?"

I laugh. "Yeah, that's her."

"Oh my God. I can't believe you dated Rachel Berry! Do you still talk to her?" Carly asks excitedly.

"Yeah. In fact, I talk to her everyday. She's my best friend," I say, a smile spreading across my lips.

"Wow…" Carly says as stares ahead at something I can't see, but I imagine it's some sort of daydream.

"As I was saying," I start again, bringing Carly's attention back on me. "Back in high school, Rachel was a lot like you. She loved musical theatre and she didn't love anything more than singing. She always got the solos in choir, was the lead in every single play and musical all four years that she was there, and she was the captain of the Glee club."

"Glee club?" Carly asks.

"Glee club. It was a club that was more like a musical group or choir group," I explain. "Anyway, performing was Rachel's life and she poured her heart and soul into it, which led a lot of other kids to make fun of her. Mainly the popular kids like the football players or cheerleaders."

"Does that mean you made fun of her?" Carly says and I can detect the sadness and curiosity in her voice.

A small smile falls on my lips before I shake my head. "No. I never did." Thinking back to my sophomore year when I saw Rachel for the first time, I remember everything about that moment. The way Puck leaned over and told me that Rachel was annoying, but hot in a twisted kind of way. The way that she walked alone down the hallway while everyone seemed to laugh at her, but she still kept her head high. The way her eyes met mine, but I quickly looked away because I was suddenly nervous. The way that I didn't think Rachel was "hot in a twisted kind of way." Rachel was hot, beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, etc. She simply was breathtaking to me.

Rachel doesn't think that I saw her that day and it was only her noticing me, but I definitely noticed her.

I shrug as I bring myself back to the now. "The truth is, I thought Rachel was amazing from the first time that I saw her. I admired her and I think I knew from the start that she was special. Actually, I think everyone did. Everyone was just jealous, but I just wanted to be close to her." I smile to myself as I remember asking Rachel out. "I took her to a community theatre's performance of The Taming of the Shrew for our first date and it was one of the best nights of my life. Not because I enjoyed the performance, but because I got to experience the way Rachel lit up when she watched them and the way she talked excitedly about theatre on our way out of the venue. I swear I smiled like an idiot the entire time."

I pause for a moment, remembering more and more about my relationship with Rachel all those years ago. It's funny how much I think about it, but never talk about it.

"Anyway, we got more serious and my football buddies didn't seem to like that. Rachel usual got a slushie thrown in her face every week, but I had never had one until I started dating her." I stop and laugh for a second, shaking my head as I remember the grape slush covering my face. "At first I was mad, but then I realized that I didn't care when Rachel took me into the bathroom and helped me get cleaned up. I was doing it for her, you know?"

"You loved her, didn't you?" Carly asks, making me look at her.

I nod. "I did."

"Do you still love her?" She asks, anticipating my answer.

I laugh. "I don't think that this is really a conversation a teacher and student should be having."

"Come on, Mr. Hudson! This is vital information! Rachel Berry is my idol and if she can get the captain of the football team fall in love with her, make it on Broadway, and live happily ever after then there's some sort of hope for me!" Carly speaks quickly, which causes me to laugh again.

"Alright. Yes. I do love her and if it's any consolation, I'll always love her." I pause and smile at the fact that Carly just called Rachel her idol. It reminded me of the time when Rachel told me how much she wanted to inspire young girls just like herself someday.

*Back in high school Rachel and I were driving around one night when a song came on the radio and she turned it up as we both sang loudly to each other.

_When the rain is blowing in your face,__  
__And the whole world is on your case,__  
__I could offer you a warm embrace__  
__To make you feel my love.__When the evening shadows and the stars appear,__  
__And there is no one there to dry your tears,__  
__I could hold you for a million years__  
__To make you feel my love.__I know you haven't made your mind up yet,__  
__But I would never do you wrong.__  
__I've known it from the moment that we met,__  
__No doubt in my mind where you belong.__I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,__  
__I'd go crawling down the avenue.__  
__No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do__  
__To make you feel my love.__The storms are raging on the rolling sea__  
__And on the highway of regret.__  
__The winds of change are blowing wild and free,__  
__You ain't seen nothing like me yet.__I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.__  
__Nothing that I wouldn't do.__  
__Go to the ends of the Earth for you,__  
__To make you feel my love__  
__To make you feel my love._

When the song was over, Rachel leaned over and kissed me on the cheek before turning down the music. We then grew silent as Rachel took my hand, but I could tell that something was on her mind.

"Is something wrong?" I asked her, quickly looking over to her before staring back at the road.

"No," she said quietly and she shook her head. "I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"Us…Broadway…the future in general," she told me, keeping her eyes fixed ahead of her.

"Yeah?" I said, signaling her to continue.

"I don't know. Ever since I was five years old I had this great plan that consisted of Broadway and pursuing some sort of career in performing. I figured I would meet a guy who played my romantic interest during one of my shows and we would fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. My success, my career, my love life would all be an encouragement to other Rachel Berry's out there, you know? How Barbra is my idol…maybe I could be someone's idol too."

I nodded. "You will be," I assured to her. I thought about her words and what she said about meeting the love of her life on Broadway. It left a bad taste in my mouth.

I could see Rachel nod from the corner of my eye. She still looked a little lost and I decided to pull over so that I could give her my full attention instead of having to focus partly on the road. We sat in the parking lot outside of some old mattress store that was completely dark due to it being after hours. The sign reading "Mattress Land" was still fully lit up though, causing some light to shine in the car so I could see the frown on Rachel's face.

"What's the matter, Rachel? You know you're going to reach your dream no matter what, so why are you freaking out?" I asked her.

She shrugged. "I've just been so sure of all of these plans my entire life, but now I feel terrified. I'm applying to NYADA next year and all I can think about is what would happen if I don't get in. It would all be over."

"No," I say quickly. "It wouldn't be over. You're going to make it on Broadway no matter what and you're going to meet the love of your life and you're going to live happily ever after," I reassured her.

I felt her squeeze my hand as she smiled weakly over at me. I could see tears in her eyes, which took me a little by surprise.

"But that's the thing…how do I know that I haven't already met the love of my life?" She asked, which caused my heart to skip a beat.

I thought I would feel scared or panicked in that moment, but I didn't. In reality I had been confused about the strong feelings I had been experiencing for Rachel, but suddenly they all made sense. In that moment when she had been staring at me with tear filled eyes and when she had squeezed my hand, it all came together to make sense.

She was about to continue when I quickly cut her off.

"Rachel, I love you."

I felt my expression become a little lost and I searched her eyes as she just stared at me, fearing how she might react.

"I love you too, Finn," she confirmed as she nodded at me. Slowly her words sank in and I let out a laugh in disbelief before I heard her do the same. I leaned down and kissed her and in that moment everything felt perfect. It didn't even matter that we were in my beat up truck in front of Mattress Land. Rachel was my girl and as far as I was concerned, she always was going to be.

Two months later I broke up her.

"So why did you break out?" Carly asks, snapping me out of my mental flashback.

I clear my throat as I turn my attention towards her and quickly try to compose myself.

"Basically we broke up because I'm an idiot," I state. I hadn't really discussed the details to why I broke up with Rachel other than that something "felt wrong." I sigh. "I didn't feel good enough for her. She never made me feel like I wasn't good enough though...Actually she made me feel like I was the best thing that ever happened to this world, she still does. But like I said, she was special and I thought I would only get in the way of her dream. I figured at some point she would realize that I wasn't good enough for her plan and break up with my anyway. I wasn't going to be on Broadway…I have two left feet. I was just some football player in Lima who had no future planned for myself," I confess.

I can't believe that I'm telling a student all of this, but somehow it all just came flooding out. Maybe it's because being in a choir room and talking about Rachel made me feel nostalgic or something. Either way, I had just confessed a lot about my personal life to a student and she seemed to be taking it just fine. Her maturity definitely reminded me a lot of Rachel's as well.

"Well it sounds like you two definitely belong together," Carly tells me with a smile. I can tell that she's feeling better, which causes me to smile. "Anyway, this made me feel a lot better. If Rachel Berry can get a great guy like you and make it on Broadway, then I'm sure my talent will lead me to endless opportunities." She stands from her chair and moves to the piano, grabbing the sheet music that sits on top of the pile. "Who knows," she says turning back towards me. "My Finn Hudson might be walking down those halls right now."

I laugh and nod to her before getting up from my chair. The bell rings signaling that lunch is now over and the rest of the class will come filing in any minute.

Later that night, I am sitting on Rachel's couch eating my way through a hand full of almonds while she gets us both a glass of water.

"So this girl eats lunch in the bathroom everyday just so she can avoid getting picked on by the other kids?" Rachel asks as she sits back down on the couch next to me. I can feel her body heat radiating onto my arm and thigh as she is almost touching me.

"Yeah. Apparently they used to pour milk down her back and stuff. Kids seems to be just as cruel as when we went to school."

Rachel shakes her head in disapproval. "Poor girl. She's smart to avoid the cafeteria. Those bullies might have discovered slushie facials by now and she'd have to spend a half hour cleaning out the syrup in her hair."

I nod to her. "Oh, I know." I take a swig of my water before putting it back down on the coffee table and leaning back on the couch. "It just bugs me, you know? I wish there was something I could do to make her feel better. I mean, I told her about you and that seemed to help her, but I just want to do more."

Rachel smiles and pokes my arm. "You told her about me?"

I smile at her. "Of course. Who's a better example than you? She even told me that you're her idol."

"Really" Rachel asks excitedly and I quickly answer her with a nod.

"You've come so far, Rach. The fact that kids used to bully you and now you're this huge Broadway star…that's something people write TV shows about."

Rachel shrugs. "I'm just glad that my success can be used to encourage young boys and girls. I want to be remembered in a noble way than anything else." She tucks her hair behind her ear and grabs a carrot from the veggie platter that I brought over for her.

An idea suddenly hits me.

"Rach, why don't you come into school with me tomorrow to talk to some of the kids?" I ask her, excitement coursing through me.

She raises a brow. "Really? You want me to come in?"

"Yeah! You said that you didn't have any shows for the next few days and meeting you would probably help a lot of my kids. Especially Carly," I explain to her and see her expression light up.

"I would love to come in!" She says as she takes me by surprise and gives me a big hug. "Thank you, Finn," she says in my ear before pulling away 'til her face is only a few inches from mine. I don't know why she's thanking me, but I don't care because her lips are now so close to mine. It has been a week since the last time we kissed and my lips are longing for hers.

"Is it bad that I really want to kiss you right now?" I ask her, glancing down to her lips.

Rachel searches my eyes before shaking her head. I'm about to lean in when she suddenly moves away from me, causing me to frown.

"Soon, Finn. Soon," she reassures me as she grabs another carrot and looks through our movie options.

Soon is what I have to hold on to.

**Rachel**

I walk with my arm hooked through Finn's as we make our way down the hallway of his school. It's crazy to be back in a high school again. I had gone back to visit McKinley a few times, but it had been three years since the last time I visited. I look around and see all the same clichés that always consisted in high school. The jocks, the cheerleaders, the band kids, the loners, etc. It was a little bittersweet. I was one of those loner kids for a long time before Glee club took off and Finn came into my life, which had made my time at McKinley one of the best moments of my life.

I noticed a lot of students looking over at us, most likely confused who their teacher was currently walking with. Some girls even looked really upset, which made me laugh.

"I think some of these girls have crushes on you. They look awfully jealous," I say quietly to Finn.

He only smiles down at me and shakes his head. "Well unfortunately for them there's only one girl for me."

I smile up at him, feeling insanely lucky that I'm the girl he's referring to.

When we reach the choir room I hear the bell ring and look over at Finn.

"Lunch bell," he clarifies. "They get forty five minutes for lunch and then they'll come on back here for class."

Finn leans over the piano and writes something across a piece of paper. I walk over to him and look down at what he's writing.

_Mr. Hudson's 12:15 Drama Class meet in auditorium._

"It's a sign for the door," he explains. "I figured you could do a little performance for them…if that's okay."

"Twist my arm," I joke as I bump into him a little. We both know I'm always willing to perform anytime, anywhere.

Finn laughs and finds some tape to put on the sign, but suddenly we hear someone's feet padding against the floor as they run into the choir room. I turn to see a short brunette girl who reminds me a lot of the fifteen year old me, which takes me by surprise.

"Oh my God! It is true! I heard some of the other kids talking about how Mr. Hudson was walking down the hallway with some beautiful woman! Then someone said it was Rachel Berry, so that's when I came running and here you are! Oh my God! I can't believe it! This is like a dream!" The girl begins to talk a hundred miles an hour and I quickly conclude that this must be the girl Finn was talking about.

"Rachel, this is Carly. Carly, this is Rachel Berry," Finn says as he moves to stand next to me.

I hold out my hand to Carly and give her a warm smile. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Carly."

Carly seems to take a deep breath as she calms herself before taking my hand. "The pleasure is really all mine."

"So Finn tells me that some of the other kids have been picking on you," I say as I let go of her hand.

She nods. "Yeah, but I can handle them. As long as I avoid the cafeteria and take extra long to leave everyday. I've learned that taking the bus and walking the five miles back to my house is a much safer route."

Carly's words bother me and I can't help but instantly feel annoyed by her peers who have made her feel like she has to go out of her way to avoid their ridicule.

"You shouldn't have to go out of your way just for them," I tell her. "If anything, they're probably just intimidated by your talent and making fun of you is the only way that they can feel good about themselves. But you know what?"

Carly looks at me with admiration and seems to hang on my every word.

"Making someone feel small because they're talented and successful will only hurt them. While they're all off working jobs that they hate in some office, you'll be starring in your favorite Broadway show," I assure her.

"Spring Awakening!" She exclaims and a wide smile spreads across my face. It's almost like looking in a mirror.

I gesture to the piano behind me. "Would you like to sing a song with me?"

Carly's eyes grow wide and her mouth falls open. "Seriously?"

I nod with a smile. "Completely serious."

"Yes!" She says as she bounces over the piano. I sit down on the bench and hit a few keys in order to get my fingers warmed up.

"Let's see if you know this one," I say to her as I begin to play the piano.

_Rachel:__  
You're not alone together we stand I'll be by your side you know I'll take your hand_

_Carly:__  
When it gets cold and it feels like the end there's no place to go you know I wont give in_

_Both:_

_No I wont give in.  
Keep holding on, cause you know we'll make it through we'll make it through just stay strong.  
Cause you know I'm here for you, _

_There's nothing you can say.  
(nothing you can say)  
Nothing you can do  
(nothing you can do)  
There's no other way when it comes to the truth so,  
Keep holding on,  
Cause you know we'll make it through we'll make it through._

_Carly: _

_So__ far away I wish you were here before its too late this could all disappear._

_Both:_

_Before the doors close and it comes to end with you by my side I will fight and defend, I'll fight and defend, yeah, yeah.  
Keep holding on cause you know we'll make it through we'll make it through_

_Just stay strong _

_Cause I'm here for you, I'm here for you.  
There's nothing you can say  
(nothing you can say)  
Nothing you can do  
(nothing you can do)  
__T__here's no other way when it comes to the truth _

_So keep holding on,  
Cause you know we'll make it through we'll make it through. _

_Hear me when I say when I say I'll believe. _

_Nothings gonna change nothings gonna change destiny. _

_Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly. _

_Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. La la la, la la la, la la la la la la.  
Keep holding on cause you know we'll make it through we'll make it through _

_Just stay strong _

_Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you.  
There's nothing you can say  
(nothing you can say)  
Nothing you can do  
(nothing you can do)  
There's no other way when it comes to the truth _

_So keep holding on,  
Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through_

Ha ha ha ha ha  
Ha ha ha ha ha  
Ha ha ha ha ha

Keep holding on

Ha ha ha ha ha  
Ha ha ha ha ha  
Ha ha ha ha ha

_Keep__ holding on. _

_There's nothing you can say  
(nothing you can say)  
Nothing you can do  
(nothing you can do)  
There's no other way when it comes to the truth _

_So keep, keep holding on,  
Cause you know we'll make it through we'll make it through._

I smile up at Carly who looks like she might explode with excitement.

"That was amazing!" She cheers.

I stand up from the piano bench and hold out my arms to her as I give her a big hug. As I hug her I look over at Finn, who's smiling at me and all I can see is love in his eyes.

When we pull away, Carly looks like she might cry.

"You have so much talent," I say to her. "You have a very bright future ahead of you."

The tears then flood into Carly's eyes. "Thank you," she says softly and I quickly take her into another hug.

After all the tears are wiped away, we hang up Finn's sign on his door and make our way to the auditorium. When lunch is over, kids begin to enter the auditorium looking highly confused why they're there. I'm currently standing up on the stage, admiring how big there auditorium is compared to McKinley's.

Finn has his students sit in the third and fourth rows. Once the bell rings signally that the class has started Finn claps his hands together and smiles at all of his kids.

"Hey, guys. You're probably wondering why I asked all of you to meet in the auditorium today," he begins, but a girl wearing a cheerleading uniform in the third row jumps in.

"Is it because we're going to listen to your girlfriend sing?" She says flatly as she folds her arms across her chest and looks me up and down. I'm still stand tall. I'm completely over the whole cheerleading ridicule. It didn't really bother me back in high school and it doesn't bother me know.

Finn laughs. "She's not my girlfriend, but we are going to listen to Rachel sing. Guys, this is Rachel Berry. She's currently starring on Broadway in the new original musical, Spring Awakening."

I see some of the kids' eyes go wide and some of them even begin to whisper excitedly. The girl in the cheerleading uniform purses her lips and I can't help but feel a little smug.

"Rachel," Finn smiles up at me. "Is there anything that you want to say before you begin?"

I think for a moment and then look at Carly, giving her a warm smile. "I'd like to dedicate this song to Carly and that I can't wait to see you on Broadway."

Carly seems to light up from my words and I wink at her, noticing how shocked her fellow classmates look.

Finn's smile seems to grow wider. "What song are you going to be singing for us?"

I look over at him and raise an eyebrow in amusement. "That, Finn Hudson, is a surprise."

"Do you have a CD with instrumental tracks with you or something?" The cheerleader asks, trying to belittle me.

I smile at her and shake my head as I slowly remove my jacket. "When you have talent like mine, instruments are not always necessary." I throw my jacket to the side of the stage and find a comfortable position as I take a few deep breaths.

_Maybe this time, __  
__I'll be lucky __  
__Maybe this time __  
__He'll stay __  
__Maybe this time __  
__For the first time __  
__Love won't hurry away __  
__He will hold me fast __  
__I'll be home at last __  
__Not a loser anymore __  
__Like the last time __  
__And the time before __  
__Everybody loves a winner __  
__So nobody loved me __  
__Lady peaceful, Lady happy __  
__That's what I want to be __  
__All of the odds are __  
__They're in my favor __  
__Something's bound to begin __  
__It's gotta happen __  
__Happen sometime __  
__Maybe this time I'll win __  
__Cause__  
__Everybody they love a winner __  
__So nobody loved me __  
__Lady peaceful, Lady happy __  
__That's what I want to be __  
__All of the odds are __  
__They're in my favor __  
__Something's bound to begin __  
I__t's gotta happen __  
__Happen sometime __  
__Maybe this time I'll win _

Everyone in the auditorium begins to cheer and clap loudly as I smile brightly at all of them. Even the snarky cheerleader shrugs and looks impressed as she claps. I look over at Finn and watch as he claps and makes his way up the steps to the stage. When he reaches me he takes me into a hug, which causes me to laugh.

"Amazing. Absolutely amazing," he whispers in my ear.


	15. Chapter 15

**Rachel**

"I don't think you realize how phenomenal you were yesterday!" Finn says to me as he hands me a drink and sits down on his couch next to me.

I smile at him and simply shrug. "It was nothing, Finn. I'm just glad that I got to help Carly realize how much talent she has. She really is a strong singer and I could see her going far."

Finn's signature half smile slips onto his face and I can feel butterflies swarm into my stomach. Does he have any idea what that smile does to me?

"It was something, Rachel. Don't just shrug it off. I haven't heard you sing Maybe This Time since sophomore year when you were in Cabaret," Finn says before taking a drink of his water.

_He came to see Cabaret? What? Why wasn't I aware of that?_

Finn and I officially started talking during our junior year, which was long after I was in Cabaret. As the captain of the football team, I wouldn't think musicals were really Finn's thing at the time. However, he loved going to them once we started dating and has loved them ever since.

"Anyway, you really did help Carly. All day she kept popping into my office showing me different colleges in New York she wants to apply for or talk with me about monologues. It was great!" Finn laughs and I feel my smile widen. He slips his arm across the couch behind me and I can suddenly feel his body heat radiating onto me. It has been hard resisting Finn over the past week. Now that we can officially be together and I know that he wants me, I can't help but feel constant urges. It could all be so easy right now, so why shouldn't it be? I know I want to give him space, but we have been flirting, talking, and obviously driving ourselves crazy by not kissing or keeping everything as friend based as we can. It's hard sitting next to the man you love and having to pretend like you don't want to kiss every inch of him. It has only been a week, but I'm already fed up with my decision.

I watch the way Finn smiles at me and let my eyes glance down at his lips, but he doesn't seem to notice as he keeps talking.

"You're just so amazing, Rach. I'm really glad you-" I cut Finn off suddenly as I lean over to him and press my lips firmly into his. The last time we kissed was about a week ago, but it feels like it has been years. However, I will never forget the way he lips have always felt against mine.

I'm relieved that Finn doesn't pull away from me, but instead he presses his lips back into mine and I suddenly feel the palm of his hand against my cheek. I feel like I can breathe again as we both relax into the kiss. We continue to exchange small kisses and don't bother to say anything. It's as if we were both just waiting for this moment and now that it has finally happened, we have just accepted it.

Finally, Finn pulls his lips away from mine and smiles at me as we keep close. I return his smile and give him a small giggle before he presses a small kiss to my forehead.

My heart is beating so fast and as I stare at Finn I can tell we're both trying to find something to say. What is there to say? All I can think about is kissing Finn more, but I don't know whether that would be appropriate right now. I don't want to confuse him or anything. In all honesty what I really want is to keep kissing him or to tell him that I want to be his. We've been "just friends" for seven years. I'm ready for him to be mine.

I open my mouth to say something, but suddenly my cellphone rings, causing my words to get caught in my throat.

I quickly retrieve my phone from my bag and furrow my brow at the screen.

"Hello, Jesse" I say as I answer it, quickly shooting Finn an apologetic look. He gives me a small smile and nods, letting me know that it's okay.

"Hey, Rach. Michael told me to call you and let you know that we're needed down at the theatre at seven to do some rehearsing. He wants to make sure we've still got everything down for our show this weekend," Jesse explains.

I purse my lips as I check the clock on the wall, realizing that I have to be down at the theatre in an hour and that's definitely not enough time to tell Finn all of my feelings and get home to change. Looks like it will have to wait.

"Great. I'll be there. Thanks for letting me know, Jesse," I say to him.

"Of course. See you soon," he replies back with a smile in his voice.

"See ya," I say before hanging up and sighing to myself. I'm excited to go rehearse and see Jesse, but I'm disappointed that I won't have the chance to talk to Finn about everything I'm feeling. He could have been mine by the end of tonight.

"Gotta go?" Finn asks, raising a brow at me.

I nod. "Yeah, Michael wants to do a little rehearsing to make sure that we stay warmed up."

Finn smiles at me, making my heart skip a beat once again. "Well you better get a move on then, little Broadway star. Your fabulous life awaits you," he laughs as he stands from the couch. I can see a little disappointment in his eyes as I stand as well, making my stomach drop slightly. Maybe there was something he wanted to talk about now too, or was hopeful our kissing was leading up to something. Which it was.

I take one of his hands and smile up at him. "Do you want to come over to my place tomorrow? There's something that I want to talk to you about," I say to him, hoping that he doesn't already have plans for tomorrow night.

He nods at me and his smile seems to become a little less sad. "Yeah, I'd love that."

Finn's use of the word love makes butterflies swarm my stomach again. He didn't even say that he loved me or anything, but I really wish that he had. This whole friends thing was really starting to kill me. I needed him to be mine.

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow. Call or text me if you need anything, okay?" I say as I give his hand a small squeeze.

Finn holds my hand and walks me to the door, making me feel like I already am his girlfriend. "I will. Have a good rehearsal," he says as we stop at the door and stare at one another.

_Kiss me, Finn._

He then leans down and presses a kiss to my forehead instead of my lips. When he pulls away he gives me a devious smile, letting me know that he's messing with me.

_Just you wait. I'll be kissing those lips as much as I want tomorrow._

When I arrive at rehearsal, Jesse and a few other cast members are currently laughing together as they wait for the pianist so we can all start vocal warm ups. I sit down next to Jesse and exchange a large smile with him, still so glad that we've managed to stay friends even after our breakup. In all honesty, I would even consider Jesse one of my best friends. We just fit, but not in a romantic way like Finn and I do. However, Jesse has become one of my rocks and has helped me when I need to talk about Finn and I repay his help by listening to his issues with his family or anything along those lines.

Jesse and I begin chatting about everything and anything like we normally do before Michael walks in and silences us all with only a smile.

"Hello, my wonderful cast! I hope you have all missed me because I know that I have missed you," he stops and smiles even wider as we begin cheering. We're all obviously having withdrawals from performing, but we only have a few more days of this random break before we go back on stage.

"I'm sorry for the sudden rehearsal, but I'm glad that you could all make it. It's important that we keep ourselves familiar with the material so we don't come back for the performance on Saturday and completely fall all over ourselves. I also want to quickly congratulate you all on your amazing work so far and for bringing so much success for Spring Awakening. It really is an honor to work with all of you," Michael says, making us all "awe" and then begin clapping once again.

"Alright! With that said, let's have a strong rehearsal!" Michael declares and we all stand to run through our vocal warm ups.

After rehearsal, I wait for Jesse so we can walk out together like we do every night. I glance down at the time on my phone and see that it's eleven o'clock. I could still make it over to Finn's, but I know that he has work early tomorrow morning and I would rather not keep him up late.

"Everything alright, mom?" Jesse asks, causing me to look up at him. His familiar nickname makes me smile and laugh. A few weeks ago we started calling each other mom and dad because everyone said we were the parents of Spring Awakening. People tend to give us weird looks when we use the nicknames in public.

I slide my phone into my pocket and hook my arm through his as we make our way out of the theatre.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just have a lot on my mind, I guess," I say with a shrug.

"I can tell. Want to talk about it?" Jesse asks, his voice coated with concern.

I sigh, realizing that I actually do want to talk about it. "It's just Finn."

"Is everything okay? You said that you guys were going to be just friends for a while. Did something happen?"

"No…well kind of. I mean, before I came to rehearsal today I was over at his place and we kind of…"

"Rachel Berry! Are you trying to tell me that you and Finn Hudson did the nasty?"

"No! We just kissed! Only kissing!"

Jesse laughs as me. "I was only kidding." He pauses for a minute and curiosity seems to take over his expression. "Have you and Finn ever…?"

"Slept together?" I finish for him.

Jesse nods and I can't help but smile as I think back to my first time with Finn.

"Yeah, we have. We actually look each other's virginity, which might sound cheesy, but it was perfect. You always hear those horror stories about peoples' first times, but my first time was romantic." I pause for a moment as I begin to picture the whole thing. Not the actual sex, but just the way Finn made me feel so safe and loved. "He kept asking me if I was okay and he even told me before that we could stop at any time if I wasn't comfortable."

"What a great guy," Jesse says with a smile in his voice.

I nod. "He is a great guy. Afterward, I didn't feel used or empty because I knew that it meant something, you know? When we broke up the few people who knew we had slept together asked if I regretted it, but I never did. Finn was the right person to lose my virginity to and it means a lot to me that we got to experience that together."

I look up at Jesse as we keep walking and realize that I'm rambling. "Sorry," I say, feeling slightly embarrassed.

"Don't apologize, Rachel. I know this is something that you probably don't talk about very much and I'm intrigued," he reassures me.

I give him a thankful smile, once again appreciating fate for bringing us together.

"Did you guys ever do it again after the first time?" Jesse asks.

"Yeah, we did. Only a few times. We wanted it to be special," I explain.

"What about after you broke up? Did you two ever just have a random wild night?" Jesse asks with a laugh.

I give him a weak smile as I slowly shake my head. "No…we got close once. However, that's a night that we both act like doesn't exist."

"What? Why?"

I sigh, realizing that I have to step back into a night that Finn and I both swore we would never mention to anyone, even each other. We thought it would just be better to forget it completely.

"A few years ago I went back to Lima to visit Finn, my dads, Mr. Schue, everybody. Well Finn, Noah, and I all decided to go to the bar in order to do some catching up and just have a relaxing night. It was a great time. They both got me to try drinks that I had never heard of and take an assortment of shots. Definitely not typical Rachel Berry behavior," I say and Jesse laughs at my last statement.

"So by the end of the night, we're all a bit tipsy and we have to call a cab to take us all home. Well, I was staying with my dads and I was nervous about showing up in my drunken state, so Finn offered to let me stay at his place. Finn and I have spent the night together many times, not like that, so I had no problem saying yes."

I continue explaining my story to Jesse, suddenly reliving the entire thing in my head as if it were just yesterday.

_Finn and I slip out of the cab, laughing and stumbling all over the place. Finn holds my arm in order to make sure that I 'm not going to fall down or anything, which I am grateful because I as a lightweight, I don't have much balance when it comes to being drunk. Once we were inside, I manage to get my coat and shoes off, throwing them wherever my heart desires along with my bag. After falling down onto Finn's hardwood floor and having a long laughing fit with him, he tells me that I should probably get into bed. He picks me up and throws me over his shoulder, causing me to giggle like a little girl._

"_God, I love that giggle," he says as he tries to walk as straight as he can to his bedroom. Finn is most likely just really buzzed instead of completely drunk like me. He has always been able to handle his alcohol a lot better._

_Once we reach his bedroom, he throws me down onto the bed and smiles down at me. I stop laughing after a while and stare up at his handsome smile, trying to push the feelings I have for Finn out of my head, but it's not that easy right now. Finn seems to notice the way I'm staring at him and his expression suddenly becomes unreadable. _

_He moves away from the bed and strips down to his underwear and undershirt before walking around to the other side of the bed and laying down. Once he's situated, he lays so that he is facing me and I turn on my side in order to look at him. _

"_You look really beautiful tonight," he says, taking me by surprised. He's not making this easy for me. Finn then laughs and shakes his head. "What am I saying? You look beautiful every night…everyday…even every minute."_

_I can feel my eyes grow wide as I listen to Finn and watch as he begins to search my eyes. _

"_What are you thinking about?" He asks._

"_How badly I want you to kiss me right now." My words leave my mouth before I realize what I'm saying. I feel my heart skip a beat, but I don't regret what I said at all. It's the truth and sadly I needed alcohol in my system in order to have enough courage to say it. _

_I study Finn's expression, but it is unreadable. I open my mouth to say something, but suddenly he leans toward me and puts his hand on the side of my face before pressing his lips firmly against mine. He doesn't just stop there though. We continue sharing more small kisses, which soon escalate to deeper kisses until we are fully making out. As our kissing becomes more heated, I reach for the bottom of Finn's t-shirt and pull it over his head, exposing his bare chest to me. When Finn brings his lips back onto mine he moves so that he is now on top of me, positioned between my legs. My dress is pushed up in order to give him access and I can feel him against me. He begins to grind himself into me as we continue kissing, causing me to lightly moan as I run my fingers through his hair. Finn suddenly pulls away from me and reaches for the bottom of my dress, lifting it up inch by inch and looking at me for approval. I smile at him, letting him know that it's okay and sit up in order for him to slip my dress over my head. Once my dress is off, Finn begins kissing me again and repositions himself in between my legs. I can feel the heat of his chest against mine and I want nothing more than to be completely naked and feeling him everywhere. His erection grinds into me, acting as the ultimate tease._

_Finn trails kisses down to my jaw and then all over my neck, stopping to nip and suck in some places. _

"_You're so beautiful," he murmurs against me skin. _

_I moan at the sensation running through me. I just want to skip to the part where he's inside of me and I can have Finn all to myself. However, I also want to savor all of these small moments. It has been years since Finn and I broke up and were intimate together. _

"_Finn," I moan as he continues to kiss my neck._

"_Yeah, baby?" He asks, his use of the name "baby" causing butterflies to erupt in my stomach. Finn sometimes calls me that nickname do to how close we are as best friends, but I can tell this use is different._

"_I want you," I moan again, confessing my thoughts. _

_Finn stops kissing my neck and stares into my eyes, smiling at me. Obviously I'm not the only one who feels that way right now. _

"_You want me?" He asks, amusement in his voice. He slowly grinds himself into me, causing me to moan again._

"_Yes," I say through my moan, loving yet hating the way he teases me._

"_How bad?" He asks, bringing his lips closer to mine, but not kissing me._

"_So bad. Please Finn. I want you inside of me."_

_Finn lets out a quiet laugh and grinds into me again, making me moan louder. He bring his lips closer so their only an inch a part, but he stops. I stare up at him and notice how his expression has suddenly changed, looking lost and almost pained. After a few moments, Finn suddenly shakes his head. _

"_No," he says, which instantly confuses and worries me at the same time. "No…I can't do this. I can't go through with this." He says as he looks down at me, sadness showing in his eyes. He puts one of his hands on the side of my face and searches my eyes. _

"_I want it to be special," he says as he strokes his thumb over my cheekbone._

_What be special? What is he talking about?_

"_I'm sorry, Rach," he says before pressing a kiss to my forehead and moving off of me. He sighs as he settles into his side of the bed again and closes his eyes. I turn on my side, facing away from him now. All I want to do is cry. I feel so embarrassed about everything that just happened. Obviously he doesn't want me and I was stupid to take advantage of this situation. What was I thinking? _

_The next day I slipped out of Finn's apartment early and tried to find anyway to clear my mind about what happened between us. However, I realized the only thing that would help was talking to Finn about it all. I was relieved when he agreed to grab coffee with me in order to discuss it and it all just came down to us forgetting it all happened rather than me expressing how much I liked him. _

"God, I was such an idiot," I say to Jesse. We're now sitting on a bench a couple of blocks away from the theatre. It's pretty dark out, but the lights of New York still provide us with a good amount of light.

"What? Rachel, you are not an idiot! I have no idea why you would be embarrassed after he said that he wanted it to be special."

I look at Jesse, waiting for him to explain.

"He obviously wanted you too, but he didn't want to sleep with you while you were both drunk! He wanted it to be special, Rach," Jesse explains.

I furrow my brow and shake my head at Jesse's words. I knew that he was probably right considering everything that is happening now and what Finn and I have admitted to one another, but it is still bizarre.

"How did you possibly not realize that?" Jesse asks.

I shrug. "You have to know that I didn't think that Finn would ever be interested in me. I made myself believe that moments like this were just mistakes to him and that we were never going to work out. When he said things like that…I twisted it into something else in my mind."

Jesse sighs and shakes his head. "You shouldn't do that to yourself. You're a great girl and Finn has always known that."

"I guess so," I say, looking forward into this distance. After a moment I shake my head and let out a large breath. "Anyway, I'm going to talk to him tomorrow and let him know that I want to do this. I want Finn to be mine and I'm tired of waiting," I say with confidence, feeling determined to make things right.

Jesse laughs at me, causing me to look over at him. "There's your take no prisoners attitude! I thought it disappeared for a second," he says as he bumps his shoulder into mine. I can't help but laugh back, hoping that my talk with Finn tomorrow goes well.

"I should probably go," Jesse says as we both stand up. "I have to be up early to pick my parents up from the airport. They're finally coming into town to see the show."

I nod to him and give him a big hug. "Thanks for listening, Jesse. Call me tomorrow?"

"Of course," he says with a smile as we pull away.

After we say our official goodbyes, we both head off in opposite directions. However, as I walk I can't help but feel like someone is watching me, causing me to feel uneasy. Maybe it's Jesse? I turn around to see if Jesse is currently staring at me, but am completely shocked when I turn around to see Quinn standing there instead. I freeze and stare at her annoyed expression as she stops walking as well.

I raise a brow at her, realizing I have nothing to be afraid of. Quinn has nothing and she's the one who's basically stalking me.

"Following me, Quinn?" I ask her. "We're you hoping I would run into Finn or something?"

Quinn rolls her eyes and folds her arm across her chest. "Don't be so full of yourself. You're not so high and mighty. If you were then you and Finn would be together by now."

I laugh. "I'm the one who wants to keep us on a friends basis right now," I inform her.

"Oh, yeah. I heard that. Too bad you're just lying to yourself. While you and Finn have been playing the 'friend' card, Finn and I have been texting and talking about getting back together."

Quinn's words make my breath catch in my throat. "You're lying," I state.

"Am I? Then why hasn't Finn been trying to talk you into being with him? Why is he being so patient?"

I hate Quinn's words. I hate her.

"Because he loves me and wants to make sure that I'm ready. Something that you would know nothing about," I fire back at her.

"Oh, I loved him. He loved me too," she states, making me feel small. "I'm pretty sure that he still does."

My blood begins to boil and I want nothing more than to slap Quinn across the face, but I have never been a violent person.

"You're psychotic! Finn wants absolutely nothing to do with you and you trying to talk me out of being with him isn't going to help you get back together with him. Just stop, Quinn. It's over," I shake my head at her.

"You are relentless! He doesn't want you either!"

"Yes he does!" I yell at her. "He wants me and I want him, and you know what? We're going to belong to each other as soon as I talk to him tomorrow night. So just do us both a favor and get the hell out of our lives!"

I turn away from her and storm down the sidewalk, wishing that Quinn Fabray would just disappear off of Earth completely.

The next day I keep thinking back to what Quinn was saying. Not because I believe her, but because I'm so annoyed with her for still trying to meddle with my relationship with Finn. What's going to happen once we officially get together? Is she going to kill one of us?

When the clock finally hits five o'clock, I try to push any thought of Quinn out of my head. I know that Finn is leaving work right now and he'll be over here soon. I need to prepare myself for our talk and planning our future together. Quinn doesn't matter tonight. Only Finn and me.

I hear a knock on the door and furrow my brow. Unless Finn decided to leave work early, that can't be him. I slowly make my way to the door and look through the peep hole, seeing Noah on the other side.

_What does he want? _

I tear the door open and give Noah an annoyed look.

"What?" I say, expressing my obvious hate for him.

"Nice to see you, Rach. You're looking well," he says with his usual smart ass tone. "Can I come in?"

I laugh. "You really think that I'm going to let you come into my apartment? You must be insane!"

Noah rolls his eyes, but then pushes passed me into my place.

"Hey!" I yell as I close the door. "You can't just come barging into my apartment, Noah! Especially when I hate you and want nothing to do with you!"

He chuckles and raises a brow at me. "You hate me? Yeah right. I've known you for too long to know that you're incapable of hating anyone."

"I hate Quinn," I say with complete seriousness in my voice.

He shrugs and nods. "That I could see."

"Great. Now get out!"

Noah sighs. "Look, I just need ten minutes. I really need to talk to you about something and then I'll be out of your life forever."

I fold my arms across my chest and stare at him, trying not to budge.

"Please, Rach," he says, looking upset.

Finally, I sigh and unfold my arms. "Fine. You have ten minutes. Nothing more, hopefully less."

"Awesome. It's about Quinn," Noah begins.

"I really don't want to talk about her, Noah," I say as I walk into the kitchen and get myself a glass of water.

"Hear me out," he says. "She told me about your little run in last night and I yelled at her for still meddling in your relationship with Finn."

"Thank you," I say before taking a sip of my water.

"But then she got all upset and went on about this bullshit about her and Finn being soul mates. But that's ridiculous because I know with every part of my badass heart that I'm the guy for her."

_Where is this going?_

I put my glass of water on the counter and look up at the clock, seeing that it's now seven minutes passed five. Finn could be here any minute.

I walk back into the living room area and shrug at him. "Okay, so why are you telling me all of this?"

Noah takes a few steps towards me and gives me a serious look. "I love Quinn…and I'll do whatever it takes to make her happy, Rachel. Even if that means that I'm not the one who gets to be with her."

I furrow my brow at him, confused by what he's trying to say.

"Quinn told me that Finn was going to be here tonight…she told me what time…and she told me what you two were going to talk about," he pauses again and presses his lips together. "So she sent me here to try to make a mess of things."

I feel my jaw drop slightly. _What is wrong with these two? Are they literally out of their minds?_

"Mess things up how?" I ask, suddenly hearing the handle to my front door turn and knowing that it's Finn coming in. Noah needs to be out of here right now, but there's nothing I can do.

I'm about to move to go answer the door, when I feel Noah's hands on my shoulders, keeping me in place.

"Sorry, Rach," he says before he quickly moves his hands to both of my cheeks and presses his lips firmly into mine.

**Finn**

All day I have been in a great mood and it doesn't take a genius to know why. Rachel was the one who initiated our kissing last night and I can't help but feel like something was happening between us in that moment. After she asked me to talk tonight I know that she must have changed her mind. Maybe this will mark the beginning to our relationship. I want to do something special for her tonight when I go over so I'm planning on grabbing some flowers for her and taking her out to dinner after we talk. I'm hoping that when I officially ask her to be my girlfriend that it will be special and romantic. I want us to remember it and for it to be important, because this will be our relationship anniversary, which will hopefully be replaced by our wedding anniversary in a couple of years.

"Mr. Hudson," I hear Carly's voice, causing me to look up from the papers on my desk.

I smile at her. "Hey, Carly. What's up?"

She returns my smile and makes her way fully into my office, sitting down in one of the chairs in front of me. "I just wanted to talk to you about an idea that I had. I figured you would be the right person to talk to."

I nod to her. "Alright. Shoot."

"Well, I remembered what you were saying about Rachel the other day and how you mentioned the Glee club…and I thought it would be cool if we started our own Glee club! You could be the club coordinator and help us with everything! I could even help you hold auditions!" Carly speaks quickly and she's obviously excited about this little plan she has conjured up.

I can't help but let a wide smile spread across my face. "Let's do it! A Glee club is a great idea and it will give you kids so many more opportunities," I say, suddenly getting endless ideas for songs and performances. I'm sure Rachel could even help me and be more than happy to do so.

"Seriously?" Carly asks excitedly.

"Yeah! Why not? We just have to talk to the principal and get everything approved, but I'm sure it would be no problem," I tell her.

Carly lets out a small squeal. "Thank you, Mr. Hudson! I'm so excited I could kiss you!" Carly stops and her face falls a little as she realizes what she has just said. I can't help but laugh and shake my head. "I didn't mean it that way," she quickly explains. "I appreciate your relationship with Rachel and I would never have any relations with a teacher!"

"Calm down, Carly. I know it's just a figure of speech. I'll talk to Principal Turner and see what I can do, okay? For now you should just get ready to hold those auditions sometime in the next couple of weeks."

Carly's smile reappears and she nods. "You got it. I'll start making the preparations right now. I'll see you later!" She gets up from her chair and quickly makes her way out of my office, obviously determined to get the ball rolling.

I can't help but laugh and shake my head as I look back down at my work, excited about starting our own Glee club.

After work, I stop and get Rachel her favorite flowers and then head to her apartment. I'm excited to see her and also tell her about my news with the Glee club. I know she's going to be beyond excited.

When I reach her apartment, I head up to her door and I can hear music playing on the other side. She's probably having one of her usual Barbra marathons and I assume that it's okay to let myself in. I quietly turn the handle and push the door open, hoping that she won't hear me come in.

However, the smile that I'm wearing instantly fades when I open the door and find Rachel and Puck kissing in her living room. I drop the flowers that I bought her on the floor and only stare at them as I watch Rachel push Puck away from her.

"Finn!" She says as she looks over at me, looking completely freaked out.

I can't say anything. I don't even know what to say. I've just found the girl that I love kissing the guy who completely betrayed me. Was this why she didn't want to be in a relationship with me? Is this what she wanted to talk to me about tonight? I feel completely panicked and lost. Normally I would want to punch Puck's lights out for something like this. But this hurts too much to even do that. All I want to do is run.

"Finn, it's not what it looks like. He kissed me," Rachel says with tears in her eyes as she approaches me, but I only turn away from her.

I quickly make my way down from her apartment, hearing Rachel yell my name the entire time as she follows me. When I reach the street, Rachel grabs my hand.

"Finn, please," she says with tears coating her voice.

I turn to face her, heartbreak and anger running through me.

"What, Rachel!? What could you possibly want?" I yell at her, which causes her to take a step back.

"What you just saw meant nothing! Noah kissed me because Quinn-" She begins to babble, but I cut her off with an annoyed laugh.

"I don't want to hear it," I say with only annoyance in my voice. I shake my head at her and clench my jaw. "I'm done…I am so done!" I scream before turning away from her and dodging people as I walk quickly down the sidewalk. Rachel's sobs get quieter and more painful as I walk away.

**Rachel**

I feel empty. I have been crying for the past three hours on the couch while I wait for Kurt to get home. I called him after Finn left and I screamed for Noah to get out in order to tell him everything that happened. He assured me that he would talk to Finn and now all I can do is wait in order to see what he said. I haven't bothered to try to get ahold of Finn. I know that he doesn't want to talk to me and I don't blame him. I just wish that he knew that I would never intentionally kiss Noah. I want nothing to do with him and I only want Finn now and forever. Why does everything between us always have to be so complicated?

Suddenly, the front door opens and I stand up from my couch, wrapping my favorite blanket around myself. I feel so small and broken right now and I'm hoping that what Kurt tells me will help me feel sane again.

Kurt gives me a sad smile as he takes off his coat and bag, hanging them up on the coat rack. He then walks into the kitchen and puts some water in our kettle, putting it on the stove in order to heat up. He looks over at the flowers Finn brought me that are now sitting in a vase on the counter, looking almost pained as he scans them with her eyes.

"Kurt?" I say weakly.

He pauses and glances over at me, looking sad to see me in this state once again.

"Did you..." I start, but stop myself because I already feel like breaking down once again.

"Yes," Kurt nods. "I talked to him."

I move towards him, trying not to trip over my blanket that hangs down around my feet.

"What did he say? Where is he?" I feel tears begin to coat my eyes. I feel so desperate to work this all out and have Finn back.

Kurt shakes his head. "He's really hurt, Rach. I tried to explain everything that you told me…but he was preoccupied."

My lip trembles slightly. _Preoccupied? With what?_

"Where is he, Kurt?" I ask him. I know that Finn most likely didn't go back to his apartment because he knows that I would go looking for him there. I need to know where he is.

Kurt presses his lips firmly together and continues to stare at me, looking as if he doesn't want to tell me where Finn is currently.

"Kurt, please. Please, please, please. I know you know where he is and I need to know. I need to talk to him. I need to fix this," I plead to him.

I can't lose Finn again. I need him to be okay. I need us to be okay because I want to be with him.

Kurt sighs. "He's in Lima, Rachel. He went to Lima."


	16. Chapter 16

**So I hope that you guys like this chapter! I decided to not write out all of the song lyrics to the songs and only type out a few so it's not over powering! I want to make sure you're all enjoying it. (: So the (...) just means the song is continued! Thanks for the feedback, lovebugs!**

* * *

**Rachel**

I stare out the window, fiddling with my necklace as I think about Finn.

Suddenly, I feel Kurt's hand touch my shoulder, causing me to blink a couple of times and return to reality.

"Rachel, relax. Everything is going to okay," he assures me.

I shake my head at him. "How can you say that when I hurt Finn so bad that he decided to jump a plane to Lima? Now we're in a plane, thousands of miles in the sky, just so I can chase after him. Who am I kidding?" I say as I fall back into my seat, feeling slightly hopeless.

Kurt touches my hand, which makes me feel a little better. As soon as he told me that Finn had went to Lima, I jumped on the computer and bought myself the next flight to Lima. It was a little ridiculous, but I needed to see Finn. I couldn't focus on anything but him right now and it was driving me crazy. I was relieved when Kurt immediately bought a ticket on the same flight, declaring that he wasn't going to let me go alone.

"Would you stop worrying? Finn was just being a drama queen and didn't think before he decided to act. You know Finn does that. But we're on a plane heading to Lima and we only have another hour 'til we land. So I suggest you start thinking about what you want to say to him now. You know where he'll be when you get there."

I nod at Kurt's words, realizing that he's right. Why does he always have to be right? The only thing I can do right now is try to relax. I'm on my way to Finn and that's what I need to focus on. The rest will follow soon. How am I going to distract myself though? Normally in this situation I would sing Barbra or head to the theatre to just find some sort of center.

I look around the cabin of the plane, thinking about Finn, but trying to focus on what I want to say to him. There's just so many words and what seems like so little time.

A sudden rush runs through me and I grab my purse from under the seat in front of me. I find my notepad and pull it out, then starting a search for a pen.

"What are you doing?" Kurt asks, noticing my crazy search.

"I just got an idea for a song and I need to write it down. Do you have a pen?"

I stop searching when I see Kurt holding out a pen in front of my face.

"Thank you," I say as I quickly take his pen and begin writing like a maniac. When I was younger I used to write a few songs, but they were never serious and definitely not worth sharing with the other people. Most of them were mainly written when I was eight and I would put on "concerts" for my dads. But this song was more than that. It actually meant something and the fact that I was actually writing a song even took me by surprise.

Five minutes before we are supposed to land in Ohio, I finish my song and smile down at it.

"Done," I announce to Kurt as I hand him back his pen. He laughs at me when he sees the large grin that I'm wearing. Despite all the pain and worry I currently feel, I'm also proud of my song. It's one that I'm actually willing to share, but at the right time and place.

After Kurt and I grab our luggage I check the time to find that it's 1:15 PM, which causes me to slightly panic.

"Kurt, we need to hurry! Time is crucial right now!" I say as I begin to power walk towards the area to get a rental car. I know that I need to make my time in Ohio brief because I need to be back to New York in two days for my next show for Spring Awakening. The sooner I talk to Finn and make things okay the better.

"Slow down! We have plenty of time and it's probably better if you're there after three anyway!"

**Finn**

Being back at McKinley is surreal. I know it hasn't been long since the last time I visited Mr. Schue here, but ever since and I moved to New York and became a teacher…it all just feels so different. When I walk down the halls I don't feel as empowered or happy as I usually do, but that might have something to do with Rachel. The image of her and Puck kissing is burned into my mind right now and it has been causing me constant pain since yesterday. Kids stare at me as I walk down the hallways. I tower of them like I have everyone else my entire life, which makes me feel even more out of place. Maybe I just don't have a place anywhere anymore.

I reach the choir room and see that the light is on. I'm relieved when I see Mr. Schue standing in the room alone, his back currently facing me.

"Mr. Schue?" I say and notice the way that he slowly turns around as if he is confused.

When his eyes finally reach me he instantly furrows his brow. "Finn? What are you doing here?"

I walk more into the room, my hands stuffed in my pockets like they normally are when I'm trying to find the right words to say.

"I just needed to get away…to clear my head," I tell him.

"Why? What's wrong? Is it Rachel?"

Hearing Schue say Rachel's name is enough for me to feel my lip tremble and for tears to fill my eyes.

"Whoa. Hey Finn, it's okay," Schue says as he walks over to me and takes me into a hug. I begin to cry harder, feeling a little ridiculous that I'm crying into another dude's arms. But this isn't the first time that Schue and I have gone through this.

Once I calm myself down, Schue sits me down and we begin to talk about everything that happened. I tell him about Quinn's baby being Puck's, Puck kissing Rachel, and mainly the fact that I have loved Rachel for seven years and never did anything about it.

Schue stays quiet the entire time, but once I'm finished he lets out a big sigh.

"Well…I don't really know what to say. That's a heavy load that you're carrying," he says. He looks like he's lost in a train of thought for a moment, but then he meets my eyes. "Did you ever think about how hard this must be for Rachel too? I know Quinn and Puck lied to you or how much you have lost, but she has lost a lot too."

I shrug. "Yeah, but then I saw her kissing Puck and I just felt so hurt and betrayed…I just don't know how to feel about anything anymore."

Schue nods. "I just want you to remember that you're not the only one affected by this. What Quinn and Puck did is horrible and I know that Rachel has been hurting from this too."

"She hasn't really said anything," I tell him.

"Maybe she feel like she can't," Schue says as he stands up from his chair. "I have to go meet the Glee kids at the auditorium for rehearsal. Care to join me?"

As messed up as my brain is right now, I realize that helping Schue out with Glee club might be exactly what I need. I give him a weak smile and nod before standing up from my chair. He pats my back as we walk out of the choir room together.

"Everything will work itself out. Just give it a little time."

When we reach the auditorium the Glee kids are already waiting up on the stage, laughing and talking with one another. It's nice to see them all getting along so well unlike some of the kids in my drama class. Mr. Schue has been known to bring out some of the best in people. That's obvious.

"Hey guys!" Mr. Schue says, getting all of the kids' attention. "This is Finn Hudson. He's going to join us for Glee Club today," he informs them as he puts a hand on my shoulder.

"Finn Hudson? As in the Finn Hudson who was the star quarterback at McKinley his sophomore, junior, and senior year and led us the football team to victory all three years?" A dark haired guy standing near the back of the stage asks, his eyes looking a little wide.

I let out a small laugh. "Yeah, I guess that would be me."

The kids chatter excitedly for a minute, acting as if I'm some sort of celebrity. I've never had any student react this way because of me before and it's actually kind of awesome.

"Alright. I know it's very exciting to have Finn here, but we need to get down to business. We have Regionals in two weeks, guys. We need to buckle down and start working hard, so I figured we could give Finn a little demonstration of what we've got. Sound good?"

The students nod excitedly and begin to scatter to their starting position, making me laugh. Their energy is really refreshing and I hope that I can make all my Glee kids that excited when we start our club.

Schue and I talk a seat in the fifth row from the stage, waiting as the kids prepare themselves for their performance.

"We just started working on this one last week. I think you're really going to like it," Schue whispers to me. I'm about to reply when suddenly the music starts and I turn my attention towards the stage instead.

_Can anybody find me somebody to love?__  
__Each morning I get up I die a little__  
__Can barely stand on my feet__  
__Take a look in the mirror and cry__  
__Lord what you're doing to me.(…)_

I listen to kids and watch as they make their way around the stage. They sound amazing together and I can see that Schue hasn't lost his touch whatsoever. In the middle of the performance I hear the door to the auditorium open and see Schue turn around to see who has walked in from the corner of my eye. However, I keep my attention focused on the kids on stage while Schue gets up to talk to whoever just came in. I assume it's just one of his Glee kids who has come in late.

When the performance finally ends, I have a huge smile spread across my face and I stand from my seat in order to give them a big round of applause. I have no doubt in my mind that they're going to win Regionals with this routine or just this group of talent in general. I can see from all of their smiling faces that they're proud of what they have just done, which makes my smile grow bigger.

"Looks like our star quarterback enjoyed your performance!" Schue says from behind me, but I keep my attention forward still. "I think I have someone else here who enjoyed your performance as well."

I furrow my brow and slowly turn around to see who Schue is referring to, but I feel my heart sink as I see who he is currently standing with.

There's Rachel. Looking as beautiful as ever and looking completely at peace. This is her home after all. No matter where she goes, the auditorium of McKinley will always be her home.

"Guys, I would like you to meet-" Schue starts, but is then cut off by a girl on stage.

"Rachel Berry," she states excitedly and I can see Rachel give her a warm smile. I feel butterflies fill my stomach and pain fill my heart. I love her smile, which is slightly killing me right now because of everything that has happened.

Schue laughs. "Exactly. This is Rachel. She's currently on Broadway in an original show called Spring Awakening, which is a dream come true for her," Schue says as he smiles over at Rachel.

"You have to sing something for us!" One of the girl says from the stage.

"Yeah! You need to!" Another girl joins in.

Rachel's bubbly laugh fills the room, causing another knife to drive into my heart. All I want is to kiss her and hold her. I want to be the reason for those smiles and laughs, but now isn't the time. Who knows if that time will ever come?

"I guess I could put on a little performance," she says, looking over to Schue to make sure it's okay.

"We would be honored," he assures her, which moves Rachel to make her way for the stage. I hold my breath as she walks passed the row that I'm currently sitting in, however she doesn't look at me. Actually she hasn't looked at me the whole time she has been here, which is ridiculous considering she's the one who hurt me.

The students clear off of the stage and fill up the seats in front of me as Rachel takes her place up on the stage. Schue returns to hit spot next to me, prompting me to sit back down in my chair.

"What are you going to sing for us, Rachel?" Schue asks as Rachel positions herself and makes her posture straight.

"I actually wanted to sing an original piece. It's very important to me," she pauses and then looks over at me. "And I think it says everything that I want to say."

My breath catches in my chest and I feel my heart begin to race faster than it was before. I'm suddenly eager, yet nervous to hear what Rachel's song includes and I'm hoping it won't be too much for Schue and his students.

"Great. The stage is yours," Schue says with a smile.

Rachel nods to him and closes her eyes, looking like she's trying to relax herself. She then opens them and looks as if she has a totally new demeanor, which takes me back a bit.

_What have I done?__  
__I wish I could run,__  
__Away from this ship going under.__  
__Just trying to help,__  
__Hurt everyone else,__  
__Now I feel the weight of the world is on my shoulders.(…)_

When Rachel finishes, there are tears under her eyes and everyone else is standing to cheer and applaud her. I remain sitting in my chair, not clapping and only staring at the back of the chair in front of me while I try to get my thoughts straight. Rachel's message was loud and clear, but it was definitely not easy to take in. Part of me wants to tell her how immature she's being about all of this and that she hurt me, but the other part wants to go up on that stage and wrap my arms around her to take away her pain.

"I think that's enough for today. We'll pick back up tomorrow to rehearse our Journey number tomorrow and work on the new Fleetwood Mac song. Have a good afternoon, everyone," Schue tells his students. He then touches my shoulder, causing me to look up at him. "I think you two have a lot to talk about."

He then gives me a small smile and joins his student as they walk out of the auditorium. "I'll see you later, Finn and Rachel," he calls before exiting.

Silence stretches out between Rachel and me as we hear the door shut, causing my heart to continue racing. I don't know if I'm ready to talk to Rachel, but it looks like I have no choice. I can't believe she flew all the way here just for me.

I swallow hard as I turn my attention towards Rachel and meet her eyes, noticing that she looks like she's trying to find the right words to say.

"It's funny that I've lived in New York for the past six years and yet standing right here feels more like home," she says. Her words surprise me. I would normally expect her to be yelling at me by this point.

"You know what feels the most like home though?" She asks, her face looking sad. Her smiles and laughs from ten minutes ago were definitely all just an act. Rachel has always been fantastic at staying strong.

I don't say anything and just stare at her as I wait for her to continue.

"You," she finally says as she fiddles with her fingers.

My chest tightens at her words. "Rachel, just stop," I say as I begin to walk down the aisle, wanting to leave this stupid auditorium and all the memories that come with it.

"No, you stop," she orders, making me stop and look back up at her. "I didn't jump on a plane and fly her like an idiot just for you to keep running from me!"

"Well what do you expect me to do? Stand here and listen to whatever bullshit you have to tell me?" I yell at her, feeling more heated.

"Why don't you want to listen to me? Better yet, why do I even have to explain myself to you?" She asks, shaking her head at me.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because I caught you kissing the guy who royally screwed up my life!"

"Do you really think that I would kiss Noah? Don't you think that I'm mad at him too? You weren't the only one affected by what happened with Quinn's pregnancy," she informs me, which makes my blood boil.

"You're not the one who was lied to for months that you were the father of Quinn's baby and then got the rug pulled out from underneath you!" I fire back at her.

"Stop playing the victim, Finn! You're not the only one who's hurting here! Did you ever stop to think that maybe I'm heartbroken? I waited seven years and had to act like I didn't love you with every single fiber of my being. I had to act like that night at your apartment in Lima didn't happen. I had to act like whenever I saw you with Quinn that I wasn't on the verge of breaking into a million pieces."

I swallow hard as I listen to Rachel, suddenly feeling the ache in my heart grow. However, it's not growing because I feel betrayed. It's growing because I realize how much this has hurt her. Probably more than myself. Even the mention of our night at my apartment makes my heart ache. We both swore that we would never talk about it again and yet there it was.

"I've been hurting since the day you broke up with me during our junior year. You broke up with me right in front of my locker and then you just walked away to your next class like it never happened. I came here. Straight to this auditorium and all I could do was lay down on this stage and _hurt_," her voice breaks when she says hurt, however she seems to keep her tears inside. "Singing always helps, but all I could do was lay here. All I wanted was to just be in your arms even though you were the one who made me feel so bad about myself!"

"I was just trying to let you be free!" I yell at her.

"We've been over this!" She yells back as she storms to the front of the stage. "I didn't need you to let me be free! I was going to make it to Broadway anyway that I could, but I would have much rather have done it with you by my side!"

I press my lips firmly together. I realized years ago how stupid I was for breaking up with Rachel. I think I realized how stupid I was even before I did it. I never wanted to break up with her, but something didn't feel right because I wanted her to live out her dreams without me holding her back.

"I hurt every time I had to pretend I only cared for you as a friend when I knew that I loved you more than anything. Then you moved to New York and I thought 'maybe this is it,' but it wasn't. I hurt when you and Quinn started dating. I hurt every time you looked at her, touched her, and kissed her. I hurt when I found out that Quinn was pregnant," she says as she closes her eyes tightly. "Oh God, that hurt so bad." I can tell she's reliving the whole entire thing in her head. I want so badly to say something, but I can't.

She opens her eyes and stares at me. "I've been hurting for years, Finn. It was the sort of pain that I could never shake. A lot of pain that you provided yourself," she gestures towards me.

"I know that you're mad at Noah and Quinn, but you have no reason to be mad at me. I didn't do anything. The only thing that I'm guilty of is loving you unconditionally for a large fraction of my life," she continues, her voice breaking again and tears now filling her eyes.

"You know what hurts the most though? That you didn't believe me. You stormed out of my apartment and had the audacity to believe that I would actually willingly kiss Noah," she says as she clenches her jaw. I can see all the pain on her face and it's like I'm starting to see for the first time.

"I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I was just hurt because the guy who had already betrayed me and ruined my life enough was kissing the girl who I love," I say, no longer yelling at her.

"But you didn't even take a moment to think about how I felt. It's like you haven't even considered my feelings this entire time while I'm constantly trying to focus on making you happy and making sure that you're okay," she explains with obvious pain in her voice.

She's right. I know every word that she's saying is completely true and it feels like a knife to the heart.

"I know that you have lost so much the past couple of months, but so have I. You storming out of my apartment and telling me that everything is over before I could even explain…that wasn't fair," she says, tears now running down her face.

"I love _you_. Only _you_. And I would never do anything to hurt you," she tells me and I look down at my feet, not knowing how to respond. Her words are starting to hit me and I now realize how selfish I have been this entire time. I really have been playing the victim and I haven't given Rachel enough credit through all of this. She deserves so much more and I wish that I would have seen that a long time ago.

"I have to go," I say suddenly, surprising even myself.

"What?" Rachel says weakly.

"I have to go. I have to clear my head. I need…time to think," I look back up at her and I can see the disbelief on her face. "I'm sorry," I say quietly and make my way out of the auditorium, fighting not to look back. I figure all Rachel wants to do is wring my neck right now.

I make my way out of McKinley, happy that the hallways are currently empty and easy to walk through. I exit the school and find my car, quickly unlocking it and getting out of the parking lot as fast as I can.

_Where can I go? I can't go to Burt and my mom's place. Kurt will be there and I won't have time to think and be alone. They'll have too many questions._

I continue to drive as I wrack myself for somewhere to go. Suddenly I think of somewhere I might get a peace of mind, making me quickly take a right at the next light. Once I pull up in front of my destination, I put the car in park and stare at the glowing sign in front of me as my breathing becomes heavier.

_Mattress Land_

I'm trying to keep myself under control, but it's hard when all I can think about is how much I have hurt Rachel. I have been so selfish and only focused on how much Quinn and Puck have betrayed me that I never really considered how she felt. I'm such a complete ass. An oblivious ass that doesn't deserve Rachel.

Breathing becomes harder as I continue to think about how much I have broken Rachel's heart and it only gets worse when the song on the radio changes.

_When the rain is blowing in your face…_

My lip begins to tremble for the second time today and I shake my head, completely disappointed in myself. I want Rachel so bad, but how am I possibly worthy of her after all that I've put her through?

Suddenly everything becomes too much and I lean over my steering wheel, burying my face in my arms as I begin to sob. I don't think I have ever cried like this before and it's almost frightening. I feel like I've lost everything because Rachel _is _everything.

I don't know how long I've been sitting there just crying, but I'm suddenly startled when I hear the passenger door to my car open. I lift my tear stained face from my arms and turn to find Rachel closing the passenger door now that she is fully inside the cab of the car.

"Rachel?" I say, my voice broken and weak. "But how did you…?"

Rachel shrugs. "I know you," she states and it's enough to explain everything.

I'm surprised when Rachel reaches over and begins to wipe the tears from my face. She then just places her hands on either side of my face and stares into my eyes. I sniffle a few times, feeling so pathetic and small about this, but only Rachel can make me react this way. She's just too much to lose and I am the idiot who has been practically pushing her away.

"This is how it has been for you, isn't it?" I ask her. "Feeling completely broken and lost…'til all you can do is just…cry." I sniffle again.

She nods at me, her eyes looking sad.

"I'm sorry," I say, my voice breaking and more tears flooding into my eyes. "I'm so sorry. All the signs were there and I was just so oblivious."

Rachel continues to wipe the fresh tears that fall down my face and gives me a weak smile.

"Shhh," she says. "I know. I didn't mean to make you cry…I just wanted you to know how bad it all hurt."

"You had every right to make me feel like this. I deserve it and I'm glad that you did," I tell her.

She wipes a few more tears away and then takes her hands off my face, leaning back into her own chair. She then looks forward at the glowing sign on the Mattress Land.

"This is the first place that we told each other that we loved one another," she states and I know she's aware that I remember that detail as well.

"Not the most romantic place," she jokes and we both chuckle lightly.

"Yeah, I guess I could have picked a better place," I state.

"No. This is perfect," she says as she puts her hand on top of mine and I see a smile on her face.

"I love you, Rachel," I say to her as I stare at her. She looks over at me and gives me a weak smile again.

"I love you too," she says and I feel a little relieved that she doesn't completely hate me even after all that I've put her through. I can't believe that she was willing to come all the way to Lima just for me.

"I'll always love you," she continues, searching my expression. She looks scared, as if she thinks I'm going to say something to push her away again.

"I know…and I'll always love you," I tell her. "I'm so tired of hurting you like this. I just want all of this pain to go away and for things to be easy."

"Then let's make them easy," she says, turning towards me more. "Let's go home to New York and just move on. I don't care what happened anymore. I just don't want to lose you."

I nod to her. "You won't lose me. Ever."

She looks relieved as she gives me a sweet smile.

"But…" I start again, seeing slight panic take over her expression.

"I have one condition for when we go back to New York," I inform her.

"What's that?" Curiosity fills her voice.

"You're mine. You're my girlfriend and under no circumstances am I ever losing you," I tell her, giving her my half crooked smile.

She searches my eyes for a moment before nodding.

"Okay," she says quietly, making my heart skip a beat.

"Okay," I say back and I take this as my chance to lean over and press my lips against hers, feeling my heart begin to race.

_Rachel is mine. _


End file.
